Attraction vs. Compatability?

It's the age old question of how much does attraction really play in a relationship, and I'll be honest, I'm probably looking for reassurance in my decision. But, aren't we all if we're using this site?

Anyways, I have this wonderful friend who I friendzoned and like the majority of guys stuck there, he wants out. I'm not going to say I made the right decision or I wasn't selfish in making it, but I said yes to trying things out with him and giving him a helping hand out of the friendzone because it is very hard to see a life without him at this point. I also know that our friendship will never be the same no matter what my answer is. The only problem is... I'm not attracted to him physically.

I am well aware how shallow I am and if I could make it go away that would be one of my three wishes from my genie, but I can't. However, this guy is perfect in every other way. If he was a little more my type physically, I could see myself marrying him.

So I guess what I'm asking, is did I make the right choice in giving him a chance? I'm not in love with him and he's said many times he is in love with me. I really just don't want to hurt him.

Thanks for at least reading this long monstrosity. Thank you even more if you choose to help me out a bit here.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Whether it's right for you is for you to decide. I personally don't see myself in a romantic relationship with a girl I'm not attracted to. There are many people that will be in relationships without physical attraction. They become more attracted over time with the connection.

    • Thanks, I guess it's still up to me huh? Haha I just hope I make the right decision. I have already told him I don't find him super attractive, because I know if I do this, it's better to be honest in everything and hopefully I can grow to love him as much as he loves me.

    • Show All
    • Because most of them said that...
      And I have no idea about making out with him. I'm not really sure what I want anymore.

    • You have so much time to figure this little problem out.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • "did I make the right choice in giving him a chance?", no.

  • You are emotionally attached to him!.. so just make him your big brother!

    • ... I tried that. He unfortunately couldn't get over me enough to see me simply as a sibling.

    • And now either you have to send him to the gym or let him be wht he is now!

  • if you're looking for sex partner or gf then attraction nd if life partner then compatibility


What Girls Said 1

  • Even though no human wants to admit it, attraction plays a big part in a relationship. And you are not shallow for thinking that. And it is good that you gave him a chance, and who knows maybe you'll slowly fall for him but if that physical attraction to him is nvr there I doubt the relationship will go well

    • We'll see, I told him why I was shaky and that I was shallow. I can only hope honestly is the best policy here and whatever happens, I hope he knows I had my heart in the right place. I really do love him, he's my best friend.

    • I feel bad for him because no body wants to be told by their crush that they are ugly but you have to do what's best for you and that's all that matters cuz even if he's your best friend he might not always be in your life but you will be their for yourself

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