Have concerns about the guy I'm dating. How do I approach this?

I need to approach this guy I'm seeing but I need to do it in a non accusatory way. Met him a month ago on a dating site. He was the one initiating phone convos. So we met and had a date until 2:00 am. Anyways, everything has been going great... we meet after work usually except for one Saturday he got a babysitter for his kids and I also have a child but he was with his dad.

Anyways we went on 3 more dates... dinner, coffee, etc. He calls every 1-2 days, even on Christmas, we text a lot, etc. He sends pics from home, and of his kids at home with him when he couldn't get away one Saturday. I do have some concerns such as him not picking up when I call, sometimes taking hours to reply, etc. So I did a little investigation and him and his ex are not together, so that's out.
He has hinted before for me to invite over but I never did. We have had 4 dates so I mentioned the other night that he should come over for dinner and he told me he should be able to. The next day rolls around and he seemed hesitant, but said he would come. So he texts me around 8:00 said his children are with him and that he won't be able to make it and apologized. Then called me an hour later. We had this discussion and him & his ex had a bad breakup etc and sounded like he doesn't really talk about that situation with anyone.

I feel better that he isn't lying about his relationship status but all the times he goes MIA raises questions as to why. He has his kids on weekends but before he was replying a lot faster. Maybe he just has things going on he doesn't want to discuss.

I just don't want to get burned. I met this guy online over a year ago and it ended up he was married. He lied about his last name, would say he would do something then go Mia, never took me out, always called from his car, or outside, etc. Found him on Facebook with wedding pics and a different last name. So... when something like that happens to you, you never recover.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Take it slow and guard your heart. Be very careful with it as you are. At some point just tell him you were burned and you just need to be reassured you aren't being played. I think however that you are not being played, he is just trying to figure out where you fit in everything.

    • Ok... maybe I need to slow things down. Maybe that's what he's doing. He said from day 1 that he wants to get to know me, but perhaps we need to have a conversation about my fears.

    • Yes... don't make it accusatory. You are just telling him a concern about your fears and what happened in the past and you want him to know that you are cautious and want his understanding. If he is a good guy, he will get it, even if it stings a bit...

    • Yes... exactly. I'm going to talk to him and maybe I just need to slow things down for a bit...

What Girls Said 1

  • Happened to me. Minus the kids, an woman on side. I reckon there was woman on side as when a guy goes mia stops texting and calling it seems odd. My guy used to say fell asleep or im not on my phone all the time but when we first got together he did message a lot more. Also had the batt dying excuse. So not sure but yeah he dumped me 1st Jan this year. After a month of dating. Met online also. Think he was player.

    • I have dated players before & I don't think he is, but I'm just trying to find out what. Also last guy was a player and he never called me and this guy does. Plus we both deleted our dating profiles so I just need to talk to him.

    • I hope he's not but only he knows if he is. Good luck