Why does dating seem like so much "work"?

I don't know if any of you ever felt this way, but this whole dating thing is getting to me--and I'm not even in the dating scene right now, but planning to get into it over the next few months.

I read all of these articles on how to get a girlfriend, and much of the same (very good) advice given right here on GirlsAskGuys--be confident because girls love confident men, walk up to her within 3 seconds of seeing a girl you're attracted to, make her laugh, don't be afraid to ask for her number. And then on the date, stay away from the boring old "dinner and a movie" standard, stay away from boring commonplace questions, NEVER tell her, "I like you", keep the conversation lighthearted and funny, break the touch barrier, playfully tease her in a slightly cocky/arrogant way, end the date on a high note, and if convenient and there's been a good vibe, kiss her. AND THEN, text her to say you enjoyed the date, then wait 1-3 days to call, keep the conversation short so you seem mysterious and don't sound needy/desperate, and on and on and on...

Now this run of the mill, formulaic advice does serve a purpose for the romantically clueless (a category which I humbly belong to, although I don't think I'm totally inept). It tells straight out what to do, simple instructions, literally step-by-step. But stand back, and get the big picture, and the whole thing is overwhelming as heck. How can one guy (or girl) take in all of this stuff and process and implement it while ON the date? That's an awful long list of specific dos and don'ts to keep track of. Not to mention, the anxiety of following all the rules kills the spontaneity and "fun" factor; when everything's planned in your head, what new thing can you look forward to?

This is partly a rant, but I do raise a legitimate question: Is dating and relationship-forming really that hard? (btw, I'm under no delusion that ALL relationships don't require effort from both parties for maintenance and growth--that's a given--but all the aforementioned dating stuff goes far beyond a reasonable amount of "work".) Or is it hard only with the wrong person (i.e., with the right person, you'll click easily, eliminating much of the initial "work")? To what extent should one have to monitor (from a guy's perspective) his own "manliness", his attractiveness, his sexual confidence, his conversation skills, his leadership ability, his sense of humor and spontaneity, WHEN talking to or on a date with the girl he likes?

Feel free, guys and girls, to answer these questions/respond to my arguments from your own unique viewpoints and experiences. I really want to hear what people think. Thanks as always : )


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • i was feeling the same way. its so much work to date. your always having to make sure you don't do or say the wrong things. worried about when to text or call and what to say. I just feel like the person who is meant for you it will just come naturally and you will be more comfortable. I don't know. sometimes I rather just stay single then having to deal with the drama of meeting someone new.

    • Well I know how you feel...I guess that's the hope we have to have, that the right person will come along and things will be as natural as breathing...good luck to you : )

What Guys Said 1

  • I know exactly what you mean :).

    the thing is, these tips only work in certain situations. plus you don't have to follow all the tips in order to succeed in a date. but you know what? practice creates a master. one cannot become a master without practice :). so yeah...it might sound like it's a lot, but truly the hardest part is to get a date at all :) and not being on a date. on the date you just have to let your positive attributes show. a woman has to like you for the person which you are and not the person she wants you to be. so if it doesn't work, then don't try to force it to work by not being yourself.

    I hope this kinda helps :D

    • Yeah man, it really does help. I guess it's overwhelming when looking at dating as a whole, and then, presenting yourself in the best light every time. But you're definitely right about practice. Thanks and best of luck to you : )