A guy has fallen for me. I really like him too, but, I'm not at all attracted to him. How to continue?

This year at university, I met a guy and we became friends. One drunken night, he asked me out on a date and I drunkenly agreed - thought it would be a fun thing to do as friends. The 'date' was great and actually ended with a kiss. He then kept asking me out on more dates, and I've continued going - not knowing what else to say (I couldn't think of a reason to reject him as he's nice and all past dates had gone well). All dates have been good, we talk almost every day, and I suppose we're unofficially dating (we haven't spoken about the fact that we're in a relationship and often act as just friends, but we keep having intimate moments as well). I should be happy. This guy is great and seeing him message me always makes my day a little better. But - I am just not attracted to him. I wouldn't consider myself vain but admit that physical attraction is an important part of any good relationship. I tend to get a lot of compliments from guys about my appearance and tend to be quite successful with guys when I go out. This guy however, isn't good looking - to the extent where people often talk about it disrespectfully.
I like this guy and I know he likes me too much to just go back to being friends - he seems to have really fallen for me. I like going on dates with him and even kissing him, but I just feel like the lack of physical attraction is going to prevent me from ever really seeing this relationship as being really serious and long-lasting.
How should I handle this in terms of what to think, how to act, and what to say?
I'm expecting a lot of answers to be that I should end it as soon as possible. Is there any way I could keep "casually dating" him and maybe even explain to him gently that I want to keep things casual? Or is this a bad idea?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I dont think you should try with him. What might happen, if your not attracted to him in the slightest, is the risk of cheating are way higher. Like, one night, you could be drunk again, then a really hot guy comes and talk with you and etc...

    If you think there's no chance you will ever be attracted to him, stop right now.

    And you should stop ''casual dating too'' or at least, make sure he knows its between friend, nothing more.

    And as for how to tell him? well first, dont tell him its because he's unnattractive.

    Just use a more cliche one and say: Hey, Paolo ( fictional name), we need to talk blablabla...

    Then, you are a really good friend paolo, and I wish we could have been more than that, but I just dont feel anything more than friendship. I tried really hard, I know you are an awesome guy, and was very happy to go on a lot of date with you, but, im sorry paolo, I just dont feel ''love''. But ill be more than happy if you want to stay friend with me. You are a really sweet guy :)

    Then you walk away, one single frozen tear running down your cheek, and sing : what is love? baby dont hurt me...

    Ok, maybe not the last part, but the rest is the best option in my opinion for you and Paolo


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What Guys Said 4

  • Poor guy.

    I think you should be honest and tell him that you aren't that attracted to him and see how he feels from there. Maybe he'll be ok with the casual dating as a sort of self esteem boost or something. Beyond that, he should know as soon as possible that you don't see the relationship becoming a serious thing.

  • I've officially lost all faith in women. This is inecredibly selfish. You have not thought about his feelings at all. All you can see is how to try and make him fit into a role you are comfortable with. Let the guy go, he's better off with out you.

    • *incredibly

    • I know this comes across as terribly selfish of me, and I feel very bad. But just to clear it up, the reason I'd like to casually date him is because I really do care about him and want to make him happy. I wouldn't want to end things but as long as I have this attraction issue, can't promise to commit to something really serious.

      Also, even some of his close friends have suggested he may have selfish intentions as one of the reasons he may have fallen for me was simply due to looks and being excited he can get a girl who look-wise, may seem out of his league.

    • Making him your confidant will not make him happy. But it will make you happy because he's still in your life. Men don't think this way. He won't be happy going backwards, he won't be happy just to be your friend. You never should have let it get this far. Just end it and walk away.

  • Casually dating, you mean stringing him along? Nah, just break up.

  • They laughed at me when I said its all about looks.


What Girls Said 2

  • Are you really worried about how unattractive he is or what people will think if you DO end up together? I used to suppress my feelings for this amazing (but unattractive) guy because I was worried and too scared to introduce him to other people (because of what they would think). I ended it and regretted it (because I was very intrigued by who he was a person and that made me see him as more attractive).
    So you either tell him the truth and become good friends or take a chance and see what happens :)

  • if u really like him too then that's all that matters, ur clearly attracted to him