Does it sound like he's trying to keep things casual and what's the best way to bring it up?

I've been seeing a guy exclusively for almost 3 months. I'm 33, he's 38, we've known eachother for a year through a social meetup group. Until the holidays, he was eager to date and sleepover 3x/wk. Right before the holidays, we had a misunderstanding where I jumped to conclusions. He was upset about it and needed space which lasted the weekend. We sorted things out, and he seemed to bounce back at the beginning of this week. I saw him 3x since last Sunday. Last Sun, we had a great time. In the middle of the night, he hugged me and said,"I love you so much." I said "I love you too". He wanted to sleep in a frontal embrace most of the night. He wanted me to sleep over AGAIN the next day but I had an upset stomach so we agreed on Tues.

Before the weekend where he asked for space, he never wanted to miss a Fri or Sat sleepover no matter how tired he was. If we couldn't do Fri, he did Sat. For the past 3 weeks, he's been "sick" or "depressed" those nights. He talks with me until bedtime those nights, so he's not with someone. I don't get it. He did ask me out for Monday.

Also, for over a week now, he has largely stopped sharing anything about his day or asking me about mine. He seems to tire of conversations much sooner now, even if he starts it. If I initiate, he's vague and/or seems occupied. We chat briefly in the afternoon. I don't hear from him again until late at night around 1am (we're both night owls, bedtime is 2am). He might start a conversation about common interests or write, "goodnight (nickname for me.) I feel out of the loop about his daily life, though he still texts me daily, still uses my special nickname, still compliments me. There are spikes of interest where he talks to me like he used to. I don't understand his not wanting to speak weekends with me anymore and the drop in communication. Does it sound like he's trying to keep things casual and what's the best way to bring it up?

Before our first date, he acted like he wanted to keep things on the downlow. "I just don't like that kind of attention" So at the end of a party when he seemed agitated, distant, walked out the door way ahead of me, I interpreted it as him not wanting people to see us leaving together. Even my roommate thought so. So during the convo, I asked why. After his space, he told me it threw him offguard that I jumped to conclusions. He was just agitated about something else entirely. (hates parties).
Continued... Basically the way I brought it up was offensive to him. I told him that I felt as if I was being kept a dirty secret because the way he acted sometimes. Before our first date, when we had made out, he said "I don't kiss and tell, I don't think it's anyone's business to know or care." Later, he didn't want my ex to know about us. "I don't like that kind of attention." He apologized for acting avoidant, said it wasn't me. Hasn't ignored me since.


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What Guys Said 1

  • As usual the one key detail is missing: What did you fight over? This "misunderstanding".


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