Having doubts about someone. Is it infatuation or something more? Lust or actual feelings?

I went on a date with a guy I met a few months ago. The first time I saw him I thought he was well cute. We see eachother regularly but haven't talked much but recently he added me on Facebook, started flirting and hasn't stopped since. We went on a date last week and I had a good time, he's such a sweetie and an actual nice guy.
We text all night and when we see eachother we tease a bit and flirt but nothing much, we don't want people gossipping about us.

Now there are a few issues here:
1) I have a close group of friends and I'm afraid if things will start moving forward with this guy, he won't fit in my group of friends (and I do put my friends on the first place for now)
2) I'm not sure if it's infatuation, just nice to flirt with him after being single and insecure for a long time, lust, ? I don't know.
3) He's a few years younger than me and to be honest, I don't know how I feel about it.

I think about him a lot and I do get a smile on my face when he texts me. Sometimes I can get annoyed with a weird comment he makes, but I don't know if that matters a lot.
Even though I am halfway through my twenties, I'm horrible at stuff like this since I've never had a long relationship nor do I really know after how many dates or after how much time I'm supposed to know what I want for sure. I want my next relationship to be a serious one and not just one that lasted a few weeks/months.

Just when I was on the verge of giving it a try, some girls from my class told me that I'm the third or fourth girl from the class he's trying with...
Well, there go his chances.


Most Helpful Guy

  • you won't ever know when it comes to knowing how many dates or how much time. go by feeling, don't stick to a guide. so many couples experience progress at different rates. feel him out and if you need to then give yourself more time to assess your feelings/emotions.

    • Hm, that's true. If I do need time, I hope he won't feel like I'm not interested, because I am, I just need quite some time, haha ^^. Thanks for your advice!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Girl he doesn't need to fit into your group of friends, step outside of this pack mentality and besides he's a guy... why would he want to hang out with a bunch of girls? lol guys don't often like doing this at all and it's non of your friends buisness who you go out with... so don't let them tell you what to do, your a big girl now who is more independant so make the decisions on your own, your friends may be important to you but they aren't the only things you need in your life. If you like him then definitely keep seeing him and i know how you feel, i had something with a guy once and i was never sure how i felt but i was just confused because i've never had a relationship before so i didn't really know what to do and i still don't... lol, the best thing to do would be to ask him to take it slow since it's the first time you've ever really seriously considered someone and you just need more time to figure out how to work this relationship thing lo. If your still not sure after a couple of months then id stop seeing him as to not lead him on or anything, i totally get the confusion our going through.

    • My group of friends isn't a clique of girls. It's a clique of couples so I'd like him to fit in if things go somewhere so he can hang out with me and my (girl and guy) friends.
      Yeah, you're totally right about the confusion and taking things slow! I'm usually the one to fall for guys out of reach or guys I know will ditch me after a while. He's really sweet though and I'm not sure if I'm falling for his behaviour towards me or for him who he really is. So yeah, I'll do need to take things slow but I don't want to lead him on. But as long as I get a sense of butterflies, it can't be wrong though :)

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    • That's true. The best thing probably is, is to see where things go, take our time to get to know eachother and then see if we do want something more or not.

    • Tis a good plan for sure :D

  • Give it a try! Dating is about trial and error, finding out what you want and don't want. If you don't try, you could be missing out on your soul mate girl. good luck.

    • That's true, thanks!
      I'm just a bit "afraid" that if I give it a try, and things don't work out, it'll be awkward when I see him. But then again, if he makes a move on one of the next dates, I'll just tell him I'd like to take things slow to be sure.

    • And there's no problem taking it slow! I totally understand the 'fear' you have of the awkwardness if it doesn't work out, but if you go out again, maybe a couple of times and you're still unsure, talk to him about it. communication does wonders. but make light of it, so that he doesn't fell like your putting him on the spot. 😊

    • That's a good idea, thanks!