I hyperventilate when I go to the same places I went to with my ex? I need serious advice?

I dated this guy about 3 years ago now.

We stopped talking completely 3 years ago but I would constantly run into him in college and he would either stare at me or try to be around me. I never got closure from the relationship and now he has moved on to another college and I haven't seen him this semester or the last.

Every time I am in the same places in college (which is like everywhere me and him went together) I feel sick to my stomach and feel like I am going to hyperventilate.

WHY can't i get over him it's been 3 fucking years and almost a year since I have not seen him at all :( Please I need advice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You aren't over him because I sense that you still have feelings for him. I mean , the fact that you're still talking about him and caring about places you used to go tells me your heart still hasn't moved on. Have you allowed yourself to date other guys in the mean time? The thing is that moving on is often a step that can take either a very long time or a short time. It just depends on the kind of actions you are taking. Any actions you do that keeps bringing him into the picture again (fantasizing, recalling memories, online stalking, missing him) will make it more difficult to heal. However actions such as finding new opportunities to meet guys, building self confidence and actively placing him out of your mind can make the recovery period faster.

    • I'll admit that I have only hooked up with one other guy since him even though I have had a TON of guys ask me out since. I just can't do it... I can't bring myself to date someone else i am not over this guy but I NEED to be. I feel like if I dated someone else I would be leading them on because I have no interest in them... No other guy seems to make me interested at all. I try so hard not to think about him and sometimes I go for days without thinking about him but i will be reminded of him again. And i'll admit I have deleted him off Facebook but stalk him occasionally like once every few months.

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    • If it's causing you pain and making your life more difficult than of course it's a valid reason. In fact, when I signed up for therapy I had to tick a box on my reason for going and one of the options were "love life issues". It's definitely something most therapists will realize can be a huge problem in a person's life. Especially if it's preventing you from moving on. I also went to my uni's therapy program. My therapist helped me so much and ironically I realized I had a lot more issues deep down other than my love life. Issues I had with family, self esteem issues and past trauma came up during my sessions as well so bottom line... you should definitely go.

    • Okay thanks a lot I think I will try talking to a therapist and maybe it does have some deeply rooted problems.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Is this love? Of course it is.

    • I hate whatever it is it's been 3 years I just want peace. I don't want to be depressed about him anymore.

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    • Then how do people heal a broken heart

    • Unfortunately, Some things can never be healed or recovered :'(

What Girls Said 2

  • It seems that your heart is still aching for him. You're not quite over him, is what I mean.

    ~~For one, you don't always need closure when a relationship has ended (it may in fact bring out old feelings that shouldn't be rekindled).
    ~~Second, you have to accept that he is gone. This will help you to feel much better because you will be at peace with it. Then, you can finally start healing.

    I had a tough time with a few ex's of my own. I couldn't go to many places because of the memories I had with them. But, I realized this;

    I don't have to give up the good memories, I just have to create new ones to go with them.

    Soon after that realization, I started feeling much better, and going out more often with friends (and a date, very rarely).

    You will be okay :3 the fact that you care about him after so long will help you heal :3

    • I know and I keep telling myself this. I can't get closure and I will never get to be with him but just being in those same places I honestly feel like he is going to walk down those library stairs and come up to me and I subconsciously just seem to look for him you know. I'll be walking down the hallway and recalling a time that he was walking past me it's just so silly I feel mental like I need therapy to get him off my mind or something.

    • Well, if you feel like talking it out with someone will help you to reach peace with yourself, then go for it :3 if you need, my door is always open.

  • Maybe he was your first love

    • How do i get over it?