She says she not ready, what do I do?


I met this girl about 3 months ago, she very nice but the thing is that she just got out of a 5 year relationship. The thing is that we got to know each other very good and the attraction is there for both of us. We had sex on the third week of hangingout with eachother and there on the sex was great. She told me that i make her very happy and she hasn't been this happy in along time, even her family and friends notice. She talks about me with her family, but the thing is that her ex is now texting her and wanting her back, but she dosnt want anything to do with him anymore (thats what she says)... well when we first met she was down but as she got to know me more she became happier... she told me that she likes me and she wants something real... but not ready for a relationship atm and she need times to heal...5 years is no joke.. i told her im willing to wait but not for ever.. and lately she would be sad one day and on the days where im there she would be so happy... I dont know what i should do.. should I back off abit or continue to hangout with her... OR should i just move on because she in not available and probably won't be for a while... she would get very jealous that other girls like me, the thing is I told her i like her and that im not talking with those other girls.. should I give those girls a chance? i dont want to push her away because i do like her a lot but i dont know how long i can wait for her.. I dont want to be the one to hurt at the end?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you kinda answered your own question here. She's right, five years is a long time and she does need time to heal. But it's not fair for you if she expects you to wait for her for however long that might be. Yeah, you might make her happy, but she's not over her ex yet.

    If you truly believe that she's worth waiting for, then you can definitely do that. But be prepared to wait a while. Based on the second part of your question, it sounds like you want a relationship with her now or in the near future. And if not, you're going to move on to other options. I think this is perfectly reasonable. Don't play her or any other potential love interests though. You're already talking about moving on, so I feel like you've already pushed her away in some sense.

    I don't think you have to totally exclude her from your life, seeing as you get along well. However, you do need to make it clear with her where you stand relationship-wise and how you will act with other girls. It might be best to say something like "hey, I really like and care about you, but a relationship isn't going to work out for us right now and I don't want to pressure you into anything you're not ready for. I'm not interested in any other girls right now, but it's also not fair to me to have to fully commit to you yet. We should remain friends, and maybe revisit the idea of a relationship in _______ amount of time." Good luck!

    • thank you... i shall try that. i didn't push her away i told her that if it works it works... in the near future i do and can see a relationship with her, but i want her at her best... i just dont know if im the rebound or going to be... and she's told me that she dosnt know how to move any slower since we slept with each other and she dosnt want to lose me because she might not have another chance

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    • ok so do you think i should just move on to someone that is ready? or do you think i should wait and hope that she comes around

    • It kinda seems like you want to move onto other options, or at least not be tied down. I think you should do whatever will make you the most happy. Honestly, based on what you've told me and simply just looking at your words, I think you should move on because she doesn't seem ready and you don't seem willing enough to wait long enough until she is. Not that that's a bad thing, just the facts. In the end, you will make the decision on your own and do what you feel is best. Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I've read that it takes half the time of the relationship to heal. Do you want to wait for her? Maybe ask her if you guys can keep spending time together and revisit the idea of committing in x amount of time. That way it's not constantly coming up in conversation and pressuring her, and you have a definitive date where y'all can have a serious chat about it. It sounds like she likes you and if she's happy that's great, but if you move too fast you risk becoming a rebound and that would suck.

    • I told her im willing to wait for her... but im not ganna wait for ever...2 years is to long for me to wait when i could find someone who is ready.. i feel like she's ganna let me go if i keep my options open... i haven't talk to any other girl ever since i met her.. but i dont know if im wasting my time

    • Two years is a long time, but right now things are still really fresh for her. Who knows in 6 months she may have it sorted out. Either way, you guys need to come to some sort of agreement as to how y'all plan to proceed. Besides you're not wanting to be in a relationship AND keep your options open. It sounds like you want either or which is perfectly fair. Figure out how long you are willing to wait and tell her. Other girls will still be there.

    • thank you.. its just im looking out for myself.. caz she's got someone to run to and I dont... i basically stop talking with the other girls that is interested in me because I like this girl.. right now i told her im going with the flow with her and if it works it works.. she know that Im not pushing her into a relationship but she is the jealous type... where if any girl were to contact me in anyway she will get defensive and angry... thats just how she is.. I feel like im in a bind right now where i can't talk to any girls and she not ready to commit... I feel like she wants me to wait for her but how long do you think i should wait?

  • One word: baggage! Find somebody who will commit and not use her 5yr relationship break up as an excuse. You want to be her boyfriend, not her therapist. Move on. :)

    • Thats exactly what i was thinking (baggage).. the weird thing is that she dosnt really talk about her ex when she's with me... the only time is when she talks about relationship with me.. I dont bring relationship subject up even tho I think about it.

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    • i could tell she is still hurt and she thinks about him a lot.. do you think im the rebound right now?

    • Yep! Sad but true. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys break up and she goes back to him. :/

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