What happend to me? trauma?

i can't form relationships with people, i can't connect with people on a emotional level, if i get attached i ''train'' myself to let it go the hard way by not showing emotions. At the age of 12 i was diagnosed with scoliosis and had to wear a back brace 24/7 for the next 4,5 years, i felt into a instant depression and felt like an outsider, before that i had friends, was social, i liked people, had hobbies (swimming), but after that incident its like i turned into a zombie and i never found myself. I couldnt experiend with boys even tho i was beautiful, i had not many friends, it was hard to be friends with girls because girls were jealous of my looks, im not lying, im tall slender ''exotic'' so to say so i felt rejected,. Lets just say i started to hate people, me, myself and isolate myself. Im 22 now and ver inexperienced with life, its like being 12 again and exploring the whole world. Guy rejected me for being too ''naive'' and we almost had sex but i got upset and he got confused. Am i weird? is it justifiabe? why am i this cold? i only have my sister, one good friend, and a few aquintances and my family who live somewhere else and get to see sometimes. I hate people and don't know what to do? i am grateful everyday that im healthy but i miss an emotional development, a huge one.


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  • You can still carry on with meeting people.. unless you want to become a hermit at 30

    • yeah well thats the thing, i don't want to... its like my wanting is gone