At what point do you define the relationship?

How would this be done if not talked about directly? How do guys do it?

After started dating at what point


Most Helpful Guy

  • Usually, you don't have to pick a point. Others pick it for you... Someone comes up and says, "why don't you bring your boyfrie... err... are you two dating, I didn't want to be too forward." Then you meet your "BF" and ask him, "hey, I was talking with _______ and she asked if we were BF and GF and it got me thinking... what are we?"

    Often, you don't get to choose when you decide your are dating. That's the funny thing about it. When you deconstruct it, dating is really playing pretend as if you were in a relationship. You do things couples do like go on dates, kiss, hold hands, etc until you discover whether you like being a couple at which time the answer to that question of "what are we doing" is "I'd like to think we are a couple" or something like it. Remembering that this is the purpose of that first month or two dating makes understanding the question of defining the relationship easier to comprehend.

    In my case, my current GF and I were in the same feminist group together for two years. She had a crush and I never knew it cause she hid it. When she stopped hiding it, we concealed our dating from the feminist group just because neither of us wanted any fallout in case things went south. After about a month, we started thinking others would conclude we were dating and we would eventually be asked about it so we chose to define the relationship. We ended up making it public when her roommate, whom she invited, started flirting with me. In that respect, like I said, others determined when we chose to define the relationship.

    In your case, your parents will likely make the determination for you. They will say, "Oh... isn't he/she a sweet boy/girl... are they your BF/GF" and then you kinda mumble away embarrassed until you feel compelled to ask.

    Trust me, just relax and about a month or so in, you will get that urge to define it because of something or someone saying or doing something and you will know what to do.

    Hope that helps =)

    • Thanks, so me and this guy go to the same church group and they all know we went out once. Someone is bound to ask soon, so what do I say then?

    • Show All
    • Sounds promising. Pretty much the only things you shouldn't do are lie about how you are feeling and get upset if he doesn't feel how you wished he felt. That's the moment to be honest so you should be.

      As for being upset, he is being as open as he can to you and is very emotionally vulnerable. It isn't the time to jump on him if he gives you an answer you don't want to hear. If he does, you can ask if he needs more time to find out how he feels or if he thinks he will know in the future. I can almost guarantee if he doesn't say we are dating, his answer will be "I don't know". Don't take offense and just let it go on and it will become clear shortly after.

      If it doesn't, ask again after a few weeks of seeing each other.

    • Ok, thanks!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You feel each other out and make your own calls based on your assessment of how you both feel. There's no set time or method. Some go exclusive after one date. Others, after a year. You just assess and communicate openly and honestly. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Life is too short to worry about getting hurt or rejected. If it is the right person, it will work.

  • For me... I 'ask the question'.

    Would you like to... abc xyz etc.

    She either says "I thought I was already yours" or something to that effect
    or "I prefer what we have right now" (just dating and being friends <--- haven't heard this yet)

    But I've never had a girl ask me that herself. Maybe my personality just makes her believe that I would be the one asking and am just making her wait =P.

  • You just update your Facebook status bruh

    • What if you don't use Facebook

    • Lol I'm kidding. There's no other way around it other than discussing it with your SO. It's very important that you do anyways. But if someone hits on you juts say "I have a boyfriend".

    • What is a good way to bring it up?

  • If it's not yet defined, just ask one night. Either ask if you're in a relationship, if you're boyfriend/girlfriend, or ask if he'd be your boyfriend.

    That's what I did when I had my first relationship. We had a kiss (she initiated), hung out for a few days, then I walked her back to her dorm after watching something one night and just asked if she'd like to be my girlfriend, and that was that.


What Girls Said 4

  • discuss! my boyfriend and i were hooking up exclusively (by my request because i think if it's unexclusive it's gross and increases the chance of STDs) for about 2 months before we discussed it and became exclusive. i just asked him. i told him that a label would make me more comfortable, even though guys (in my experience) do not value labels as much. we both liked each other and only wanted to be with each other, physically and emotionally, so we became officially together. :)

  • My guy is really shy, so I knew I had to make the first steps, and I mean ALL of them :p so when we were dating for a couple of weeks I just asked what we were :p and he told me that he always thought that you are exclusive when you kiss, but he didn't know with me, :p but eventually he just randomly introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend :D I was so shocked haha :p

  • When you two are exclusive, both emotionally and physically.

    Or at least that's what people did before the ability to display it to the world with an update… -_-

  • I wouldn't try to define it without discussing it. Communication is key when dating and you will never know if you are on the same page unless you ask.