Why do some people decide to only call when they need something?

I have a friend that doesn't ever call me to just say what's up or see how I'm doing and when I call him he never answers or calls back. But for some reason when he's down and ready to kill himself, I'm the one he calls to talk him out of it. He'll text or call me when he's completely wasted and say things like,"oh my car is governed at 125 this sucks"

I don't want anything bad to happen to him, he's my friend and I care about him, but it would be nice if our conversations were a little more, oh I dunno, normal?

Does anyone have a friend like this? If so how do you deal with them?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I did, and to tell you the sad truth, I've been one of these 'friends' before too. Including the suicidal part. Not the drunk one though.

    How to deal with it, though? That's a bit more difficult. You obviously want him alive and well, so you can't really push him away, but you also want a real friendship with him. I suppose that if you want that, you're going to have to make the effort to include normal things in your friendship. Invite him out to do something normal, like, if you're into it, sports. Chat about movies or what you do day to day. Just gradually including normal things into your friendship will help not only with getting a decent friendship going, but also to help him get over any issues that he may be going through.

    • That's a wonderful suggestion but he's in Colorado and I'm in Virginia so it makes things difficult

    • Show All
    • Ouch, that is far. I suppose that means that regularly meeting him would be unlikely then?

      I haven't had many friends like this, but I did notice that it is more likely to happen if you set that as the basis for the conversations right at the beginning. If it's broader, it's likely that he'll talk more about anything else too. Perhaps if you find news from where he is you can phone and ask him about that? Or just to chat about whatever happened in the country? Random suggestions, I know.

    • Thank you I'll try that out. We have enough in common to where the conversations shouldn't always be so dark and depressing

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • No one I know is very good at keeping in touch, so based on that I would have to say most people only call when they need something. I make the effort to keep in touch with friends out of state at least once every three months and around holidays. The friends who live closer I try to spend time with once a week, but I never call them other than to schedule something.

    Maybe people just have bad "keeping in touch" skills :)


What Girls Said 2

  • Yes, I do have friends like this. Everyone does. My neighbor, of whom, I thought was my best friend has recently made it very clear to me that now that I really have nothing to offer, it's unnecessary for her to be kind, respectful, caring, helpful or just basically pleasant anymore. Basically, I am indispensable. She calls or texts when she needs something and I always help. She will return the favor once, but that's it. If I call, and it's not my turn, for the favor, she refuses to answer my calls or texts. In addition, when we are around other people she will say and do things to draw negative attention to me. When I do call or text, "out of turn", it's not the fact that she won't help me so much as it is the fact she does not have enough decency to answer my call or texts to tell me she cannot help. It makes my blood boil. This is called a fair-weathered friend.

    It would seem as if the problem with our relationship is she, and the fact that my feelings get hurt. That's not the problem though. The problem is; I put my hope and faith in a human being. When you do this, you WILL inevitably always be let down no matter who it is! NO MATTER WHOM... I set myself up for disaster by expecting from her. Instead, I must just put my faith and hope in a Higher Power. That way, I am never disappointed because He never lets me down. I realize I am the one who set myself up for disaster by trying to maintain a relationship with her. Instead, I just have to remember NOT to maintain any relationships, and treat others the way that I want to be treated. I know there are things that I have been/will be guilty of that have made/may make a friend want to sever contact with me. I pray that that they will always forgive me, and that I may learn something from my mistakes, as I have in the past. Therefore, I will forgive, and continue to answer her calls when she needs something from me. She may never change, but it's not my job to change her. It's my job to keep loving her even though she is imperfect... just like me. :-)

  • Omg my friend does the same thing it get on my nerves but she it the best she only really calls when she needs something but I usually to get even with her ask her for a fever back and she always comes through for me