How do I tell my boyfriend I was raped?

I've been with this guy for a month now, but we've known each other for a while. I don't want to hide my past from him, but how do I go about telling him? I don't want to scare him off. And I don't want him to pity me, either. I've never told anyone out loud, but he doesn't like to text, so that's out of the question. And I can't write it to him in a note, either, I want to say it out loud to him, but how would I bring it up?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in this same situation, i eventually had to tell my guy because he was getting frustrated with how low my sex drive was and how I seemed nervous and jumpy whenever he was trying to be intimate - I had been raped only 2 months earlier.
    I think you should say "look, can I share something with you? I've never told anyone this, and it's going to be really hard for me." He should be willing to listen and be understanding and gentle with your feelings. Guys are usually very, very shocked to find this out about someone they know because they don't understand how frequent it happens - sometimes it feels like something "that happens to other people". Just breathe deeply and you should definitely tell him in person. It will all be alright!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him over a walk in a secluded trail somewhere you know there's only going to be the two of you.
    Just tell him when you two are going for the long walk , and be ready for the long talk.


What Girls Said 3

  • You've never told anyone? Don't you think you should tell your parents or the police before telling your bf? If no one else has heard about it he may think it's attention seeking and not believe you.

    • Well, it was my moms husband who did it, and my mom didn't believe me. and I have told friends, just never out loud, which is why im having the whole dilemma about him not texting.

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    • I can't go to the police about something that happened years ago, especially after he is already long gone by now.

    • Yes you can and you can take it to court 6 years after it happened. If this happened, then you go to the police.

  • I think that you should tell him, its going to be hard just to let it out like that so take it step by step , and tell that before you tell him that nothings going to change but that fact that you wanted to tell him because he should know, I doubt that hell look at you different if he loves you hell truly take it in and respect you because it wasn't your fault you got raped and im so sorry to hear that :(

  • Say it to a counselor first. Romantic partners cannot take the place of professional help. They do not have the tools and sometimes aren't helpful for this reason or sometimes even because of their own baggage. As someone who has been sexually abused, I can't stress the importance of getting trained help enough.