Freaked him out... Is there still a chance?

I work in a very competitive environment... and also a very toxic environment... where there is a lot of tension, backstabbing.. Bullying... etc. ... I used to be bullied a lot when I first arrived, and the only way I have been able to survive this is by completely shutting down, and becoming blocked off emotionally. And intimidating my intimidators. ( I am working on leaving this place.. But until I get employed somewhere else, I will be stuck here...)

Anywho.. there is a new employee who is super cool, super friendly, super nice... But I was still very closed off towards him because I noticed that when people come
In super nice, this enviornment turns them into monsters essentially..

One day he came into my space, and took some of my tools without asking. When I found him using my stuff, I started freaking out on him and yelling -- mostly to intimidate him, and to stop him from messing with/bullying me (which I thought he was trying to do..)

We eventually peaced it out a couple days later... And moved on. He didn't have any bad intentions... So i felt super Bad... And damn, I've developed quite a crush in him. We are friendly towards each other now... he's the only person I have opened up to. But he says he is scared of me... Because of what happened... (Because I freaked out so bad and I've also developed a bad reputation now --- for being aggressive towards the people who used to bully me)

Sometimes I get the sense he may like me as well... Because he'll say things like " she's SUPER cute" .. And he's always open to helping me... And talking to me. Etc... But sometimes I wonder if he's just saying that kind of stuff to get in my good graces because he's scared and doesn't want me to bite his head off...

Anyway.. I'm quite sad now.. As I feel I'll never have a chance... Because I freaked him out so bad.. How can I give him subtle hints that I am actually interested in him? And there's nothing to be afraid of? Or should I not bother?

I know that I could drop my defenses completely and show him I'm not a total demon... But im still scared in my work enviornment to make myself so vulnerable... Because I've lowered my defenses in the past, those people turned on me. But I'm so attracted to him...


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would honestly forget it and try to get out of there asap because even if you both got it together they mess things up for you, if you dated someone they would try to butt into your relationship too and mess it up... this is what most people are like these days no matter where you are... i've never been in a relationship because whenever i've liked someone people messed it up and made my crushes pissed off at me for no reason at all... even when i keep myself to myself, they intetionally watch how i interact with others and then if they see it's obviously we like each other they come over, get right in the middle of us just to stop me from being happy... to them it's "If i can't be happy, you can't be happy", indeed they are monsters but their insecurities shouldn't be blameed on other people...

    You are not a bad person and these people are just complete shit heads and try to find anyone to blame for their shiity life (while they pretend they are SO happy lol), they are so so fake... i've been here wherever i go, i'm always picked on people so i understand exactly how you feel, soon as you stick up for yourself suddenly your the evil person... they make you mad to then try and act innocent to make themselves look good... so i would tell the boss what is happening around work before things get out of hand, they are only responsible for how others act, not you but them... you can't just piss someone off then expect them to eventually not get angry... there is only so many times you can be prodded and poked before you just burst... don't let them feel your the problem... and let them know they are just as responsible for how others act to them... or at least tell that to the boss... If they don't anger people then all is right with the world... but they go around acting like they can walk all over whoever they like. So id forget it, tell the boss then get the hell out of there lol.

    • If you do procceed with the guy id mention to him how bad people are in the work and gain his trust by giving him the heads up about it, i agree though it was inconsidate to take your tools without asking but maybe he didn't knwo he couldn't do that... so i guess give him the benefit of the doubt just this once and start over, be polite to him but keep things private while at work, give him your number or ask him if he would like to go for a drink and make him feel welcome (while the other people wouldn't), and then just forget what everyone else says. Honestly though it's going to be really hard keeping a secret in this kind of enviornment because they will try to spread lies about you when they see your even so much as trying to make friends.

    • Of course it might just back fire if you do try and tell him how bad everyone is at work because they he might think your just being negative and judging others which then makes you look bad... that's the think about places with these types of people... they know they can make you look bad to other people without really doing much, since you know they are bad but the new guy doesn't... it can then make you look like a douche too.. they got you right where they want you...

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What Guys Said 4

  • You sure you want to date someone you work with? not only that, someone from THAT kind of environment?

  • You should explain to him why you acted the way you acted. You might have a chance with him because he still talks to you.

  • I honestly don't know. That first impression kinda gives off a bad vibe about u alrdy..

    • Damn :(

    • Show All
    • I know that I could drop my defenses completely and show him I'm not a total demon... But im still scared in my work enviornment to make myself so vulnerable... Because I've lowered my defenses in the past, and those people turned on me. But I'm so attracted to him.. And feel like total shit to have to freak out on someone so badly, that they are scared of me =|

    • Lol u can be nice and mean to anyone when u have to and when there's a reason to. Be nice to those who are nice to u and be mean to those who are mean to u. Simple isn't it?

  • Where the heck do you work? Need to know so i dont apply there LOL

    • Haha... Really terrible place man

What Girls Said 1

  • You're living In a dog eat dog environment.
    He thought he was your prey and became defenseless.

    The only way to show him that you aren't intimidating is to continue to be well mannered and polite.
    Casually mention that after work maybe the both of you can get a bite to eat.
    See how he reacts.
    If he accepts your offer ask for his number after the hangout.
    Really get to know him.
    Let your guard down.
    When he sees your defense isn't up, he may think she wasn't so bad after all.