Should I be so worried about what he said?

Hello, Im wanting to ask for a opinion about something my boyfriend said to me because it makes me feel sad. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, im his first girlfriend and he has abandonment problems, so he is scared of getting hurt. Just tonight because a male friend of mine started hitting on me, he told me in a message that if I want to I could cheat on him with how ever many people I want as long as it's just sex and not emotional at all. It really hurts hearing him say it and makes me feel like maybe he doesn't care as much as I thought? What do you guys/gals think, I really care deeply for him and want him happy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Thats rough. My ex has abandonment issues, we were together for 7 years. It's gonna require quite a bit of work between the both of you to help get through it. It's good that you turned down people in front of him to show him you want him only but sometimes a blatant act like that is not enough for a person with those type of issues, his insecurities may be so strong that you're gonna feel like no matter what you do, it'll never be enough to have him see and understand that you only want him. I've been down this road. Goodluck

    • Thank you for taking your time to help. I will just have to work with him slowly until he feels like opening up more to me. I did manage you get him to tell me why he is so closed off and I'm trying to help him through it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • He cares, he's just trying to protect his heart. He's assuming you'll cheat so he's rationalized it his mind that he can handle physical cheating, just not emotional cheating. Assure him you'll never cheat in any way.

    • I have been trying to show him I won't I have even turned down people right in front of him. To me It really hurts seeing him hurt or feel like I would cheat. I've not dated in 7 years because I was cheated on myself in a really big way so I know how painful it can be and that is the one thing I would hate for him to feel.

    • I understand, but it's his insecurities he's having to deal with.

  • He was just trying to protect himself. He would be desperately relieved if you reassured him that you were never going to cheat. And it would be okay to tell him you were a *little* offended or saddened by his text. But don't make a big deal out of it.

    • I have let him know a few times I won't ever do something like that. I haven't let him know it hurt my feelings though.

What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like his turn signal is stuck on.
    He's going in circles, and doesn't himself know what to think.
    Stay close if he's worth it.
    Help him sort out the confusion, if you can.
    Sometimes even silent, but physical presence, can be comforting.
    When my guy is stressed I just make myself available.
    I bring my books over to his place, read and study where he can see me, I don't follow him if he leaves the room, and do not pressure him for sex.
    In time he's back and we make up for lost time.
    When I'm like that he does the same thing for me.

    • One problem is he lives over seas from me so we can't have a physical relationship, he is coming over next year and will be staying with me for a month. I'm just not sure how to let him know for sure I won't ever cheat on him emotionally or physically.

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    • We ended up doing a Skype call and I let him know one more time to his face I would never cheat. He said that he's just very bad with trying to get his feelings across and he's worried of disappointing me. How can I boost his confidence and feel better?

  • you need tell exactly what you have wrote in your question- youve been cheated on before and would never do that, you love him and dont want to hurt him, etc.