Am I his rebound or did he realize he made a mistake?

The guy that I have been loving since I was a teenager is now going to be a single man. Let me give you a little background. We have known each other 10+ years and a few years ago we realized that we had mutual feelings for each other. I was not ready to commit to him and told him so. We (meaning me) had some issues to deal with. We tried to be friends, but even that was strained. Last year, we discussed getting together. He told me that he still loved me, but went and got a girlfriend. He was dating her almost 6 months before I found out. He continued to talk to me, but things were different and he was distant. He would not tell me what was going on, but I found out.

Basically, I thought that he treated me wrong when he could have just told me in the first place. We have never dated, but the feelings are still there. I have not seen or talked to him in over two months. I see him for the first time and he informed me that he is going to breakup with his girlfriend and he has asked me to stop by after work so that we can talk. He kissed me and then he called me later on that same evening. Was he with her and realized that he wanted me more or is he trying to use me? I really am tired of my feelings being toyed with. I need some opinions on this.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with the other girls that there are some issues there, but I wouldn't hold that against him per say. This whole situation seems hopelessly romantic to me. The two of you have loved each other but the timing was always off so it never seemed to work out. However, that never affected the feelings that you had towards each other. Of course I suggest that you use caution now that he is just getting out of a relationship but don't let your fears of getting hurt hold you back. If you do, you'll always be saying "What if? " because its obvious that the feelings you have for him won't go away so easily. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, its not like your going to lose much in the bigger picture of things because you've survived without his "friendship" before when it got tainted by your feelings for each other. And keep in mind that there's so many fish in the sea if it doesn't work. You have nothing to lose, go for it. This just may be the love of your life! Good Luck!

    Mango =]

    • Exactly. I really do love him, but he is going to have to work at it this time. My love is not going to be handed to him on a silver platter this time. I definately will be racked with guilt and "what ifs" if I don't at least see where it goes, but I will guard my heart just a little bit. Like you said, I survived without him for several months and found out that I was stronger than I thought.

    • Well then there's only one thing left to do! GO GET YOUR MAN HUNNY!!! Wooop. lol.

      Good Luck

      Mango =]

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What Girls Said 3

  • So this guy is "going to breakup with his girlfriend" but hasn't done so yet, right? And yet he's already kissing you, calling you, and arranging get-togethers? And this, by the way, is the same guy who told you he loved you last year, and then got a girlfriend and didn't tell you about her? If it were me, I wouldn't do a darn thing with this guy at the moment. After he breaks up officially with his girlfriend (assuming he actually does break up with his current girlfriend), I'd still wait at least a month or two before hooking up with him. And even then I'd go slow, to see whether he was just interested in me for sex, or something more. In other words, I'd be VERY careful with this guy. Good luck!

    • I see what you mean and agree. I did not go by there. He called me and we talked for a while, but that was all. I am going to be verrrrry careful. Even though I wanted to jump and turn cartwheels when he called me, I did not let it show and I let him do the talking. That is a problem too, I always do the talking and he never says anything. He has to tell me what is going on. There is not going to be any assuming this time. I want everything out on the table.

    • Has he broken up with his girlfriend yet? If not, I really suggest you wait until he does that. It gives all the wrong signs and messages to be getting together with this guy before he does that. Good luck!

  • I think it seems like he has some issues of his own to deal with. I think it's weird that he dated some girl without you know and told you he loved you. If he truly loved you (at that point) he wouldn't have found himself a different girlfriend.

    I mean, if you really love this guy than I'd say maybe talk to him and let him explain. Make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend and tell him exactly how you feel about how and ask him how he feels about you. Don't get stuck in something where your emotions are on the line. If you want to date him tell him, but make sure he doesn't give you some BS excuse about how he isn't ready or something like that. I

    • I agree. He does have some issues to deal with. I have always been the one to call and keep in touch. I am going to take it very slow. I did not go by there yesterday and he called me to see where I was. I told him that I was not coming if he still had a girlfriend, but he could call me if he wanted to. So he called me back later and we talked in general for a while. If he wants me, he is going to have to work for me. He already knows how I feel about him, so it is up to him now.

  • It sounds like he either doesn't know how to express himself very well, or he is not nearly as emotionally invested in you, as you are in him. If he cared about you, I find it hard to believe he would go 2 months without any form of contact. Even if he had a girlfriend, as a friend he would at least be interested in how you're doing in general. That's also apart of liking someone, beyond just being attracted to someone.

    There's also this business of him trying to hide his girlfriend from you. Think back to the time he was dating her but hadn't told you yet. How did he act around you?

    • He really doesn't know how to express himself. There were some bad things that went down over the past 6 months and I think he was a little scared. When he first started dating her, he got distant. He would still talk to me, but things were different and I mentioned this, then I found out about her. He did not understand why I was upset with him 4 not telling me even though he knew how I felt. After I found out he was nervous, jittery and anxious when I was around, but seemed like he was confused.

    • He sounds like an idiot, honestly. He doesn't sound very invested in you, I would look around and see if anyone else tickles your fancy. If it was really meant to be, it'll all work out in the end anyway. But don't wait for him.