He says he never used me for sex, because we still hang out as friends. Seriously?

When a guy mentions that what does he mean?

I have had one night stands before but never hung out with them after like with he and that was when I started to have feelings for him.

It got confusing so backed off. Later on when we talked about it. I got given that explanation.

Well. It did seem like that to me!

We don't even talk anymore. Not after he is now involved with an ex friend of mine. Who he now apparently has feelings for.

We hooked up Christmas Eve. She reckons she is madly in love with him. Have a feeling it is gonna crash and burn fast.

It's crazy to think I am dealing with this High School crap in my mid 30's. Thought the best way to deal with it is to stay out of it.

Still curious about what he meant by that? I don't think it is as genuine as he tried to make it sound...

She and I both met him a week before Christmas. Amazed she is willing to risk a 15 year friendship for a guy she has only known for 5 minutes and knows that he slept with her best friend who still had feelings for him.
He literally has to ring me to have proper chats with me because she does not let me get a word in when we all hung out together.

It was not until our last conversation was when that all came out. Too late now because of her of course. Just should have said something before she even tried anything before I backed off. To me that was off putting to having her always there as well. Guess I had no chance.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It means he's trying to use the jedi mind trick on you and maybe himself.

    I'm pretty sure he's coming from the perspective that he didn't disrespect you by just hitting it and quitting it because you both, as adults, seemed to be on the same page that it was purely physical. Nowhere in your post did you say that he said he loved you, or that he felt something special towards you. Honestly, it comes down to the fact that you were both using each other for sex. How and when did you catch all these feelings and did you think a one night stand was the same as him being exclusively yours? When I'm typing this I'm not using a rude or aggressive tone, so I don't want you to take it like that. This guy isn't your man, you two barely had a week of history together beforehand so I don't really think this situation is worth getting angry or flummoxed about (damn, I used flummoxed lol). It just sounds like bad decision making all around.

    • He did say he felt confused about me after we had sex but had a lot going on at the time. I was after the same thing but after when we stopped and I just hung out with him as friends that is when I got more feelings for him.

      He was not exclusively mine. Agree.

      I think I am angry that my friend would try compete with me for him when she should have respected my feelings. I feel I helped her win him over in a way and it stings a bit. Especially when I heard from another friend she wanted to have casual sex with him at first as well.

      She mentions that the first night they met apparently and yet if that happened with her that night I wonder if it would have had the same outcome it did now. I would have totally backed off him if they got together. Not competed for his attention like she did.

      I am just surprised she would step over me to get the guy like that. Knowing I had feelings for him. This would have been easier for me to deal with and let go if he had picked a stranger instead

    • I appreciate you not using an aggressive tone with me. But yes we did use each other for sex. We stopped sex. Hung out. Then I got feelings for him after we hung out. I backed off cause I know that when a guy does not want a relationship he usually does not change his mind. I ended up hiding how I felt because of that. That is when she made her move full on knowing what happened and how I felt.

      Looking back I should have flirted and admitted how I felt. He said he was confused like I said and I got scared.

  • This whole ordeal could have been prevented had you kept your legs shut.

    The dude and you weren't in a relationship, you had sex and that was there is to it. If you are trying to use sex as tool to manipulate a man into having a relationship with you then you got exactly what you deserved.

    Sex doesn't keep a man for your information.

    • What he meant was simple "I didn't just pump and dump you because hey I'm still here as your friend". I thought a woman in her mid-thirties would be able to understand a simple message...

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    • I keep reading/hearing when a guy does not want a relationship he does not want one with you. Keeping that thought in mind. He mentions this to me. I knew we were not exclusive. We used each other for sex.

      I got feelings for him after we hung out. Having sex you have that bond there. I was not expecting well on my side for my feelings to grow. I felt like I could not say anything because he said before that he did not want a relationship and felt confused and like I had to hide how I felt because of that. It has been the worst feeling.

      Meanwhile here is this girl full on his face competing for his attention with me. Barely giving me a chance to anyway. All this made me back off. Just could not do it.

      Realising now I should have said something. When I mentioned it to him later on. He was like I never knew you were into me and I mentioned back well, you said you did not want a relationship so felt like I had to hide how I felt.

    • Hopefully you can learn from your mistakes.

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