Online Dating or blind dates....

How many dates do you think you have before you actually feel chemistry or attraction? I am a little frustrated that even with an attractive guy the first date or more I just don't feel that spark. I already know a lot about them and we even have a nice date but I still feel no initial desire for them. When I was younger I remember having at least some flirtatious feelings.

It seems like the guys who do get me going on the first date are the ones that turn out not to be interested in anything serious. Anyone been through this and actually ended up in a relationship with someone they did not feel anything for initially?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Away from your question, I get the sense that you are guarded on the first few dates. When we are guarded those that are not interested in a serious relationship appeal to us more, because they have a similar response and demeanor as us.

    Being guarded tends to mute our true selves, and is a horrible way to present ourselves in the initial stage of courtship.

    Simply because when we finally reach trust with a person, we revert back to our regular selves, which tends to be much different from who we are when guarded.

    And that throws those people off.

    If being guarded is how you are making it through dates, then you are not ready to date.

    • No, I am not guarded. I smile, laugh, try to have fun even when my date is doing the craziest things. So, last night I went out with a guy that I met through Eharmony. Through their process you get to know a lot about each other. But by the time the date was over I felt like I had been through an interview. He wanted to compare notes on dating, to know why my marriage had broken up, did I have tattoos, talked about how important sex was. I left feeling no interest or desire.

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    • Well, that is what I am talking about. It hasn't been just this date but others as well where there is this level of seriousness from the guys that I am not expecting. I feel a first date should be fun and more lighthearted and certainly you can ask a few questions but really you should focus on developing rapport and chemistry. It may just be that when guys go online for a "relationship" it is unnatural and keeps them from taking it easy.

    • It's also fair to say that the type of guy you are dating in the recent past wants to take things more seriously.

      Guys that I know of that indicate that they are looking for long-term relationships are guys that take things really seriously.

      Try dating someone who is not announcing they are looking for marriage essentially.

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