Based on his behaviour, does it seem like this guy is looking for a relationship or just a hook up? And when is a normal time to bring up exclusivity?

So, I want to start by saying that I don't expect exclusivity with this guy yet, but I really like him and never been good at judging the appropriate timing for these things. We're both 23, by the way.

We've had two dates. Both have been a week apart, one on a Friday and one on a Saturday (so, prime "date" nights) meaning just over two weeks of "seeing each other". After the second one, he stayed the night, we had literally the best sex ever, his arms were around me all night as we slept, we cuddled in bed until noon the following day and it included lots of affection, sweet forehead kisses, etc., and before he left he asked for a third date (coming up this weekend) where he would like to cook me dinner at his place. He only texts me maybe once or twice briefly during the week, though, but I think choosing me on prime date nights of the week and setting up dates well in advance is a good sign of interest. A few times it has led to a good few hours worth of conversation, but not often. All conversation -- both in person and via text -- has included light and playful banter, as well as deep philosophical discussions, and serious talks about relationship deal breakers, whether either of us have ever been in love, been adulterous, etc. You know, the kind of stuff you want to know about a person when you are looking for a relationship with.

So, like I said, I know it is too early to ask for exclusivity, and I definitely would like to get to know him more before I even consider it, but I like this guy quite a bit, so when is it normal to discuss exclusivity?

Also, is this the behaviour of a guy wanting a real relationship? Is it normal that we only see each other once a week and that he doesn't really text/talk to me too much the rest of the time? Or is this the behaviour a hook up guy exhibits? I know it is still really early on; I just want to watch for the signs now so I know what is going on because I've never been good at making these kinds of judgments.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think a normal time to bring up being exclusive is around 5-7 months of dating. I think it's to early now to bring it up. So far he seems genuine and interested. I think that is good that he wants to cook for you at his place. And you and him do talk about serious stuff. During the time where you and him don't talk that much are you guys watching tv or something? Also ways to watch if a guy is only interested in hooking up is by not giving in to early to have sex. I know you and him are past that point now but if he starts acting weird or changing a habit or his routine then maybe it was all about hooking up. Also Valentine's day is coming this will test if he cares for you to. Take your time you don't have to rush things if you don't want to.

    • Thanks for the insight! Oh, no, in person we talk a lot; I mean, like, during the week we don't see each other because we are going about our lives, and during this time apart we don't really text/keep in much contact save for one here and there.

      I'm not worried about the sex early on thing, no regrets on my part at all, even if things turn out to have just been a hook up because it was natural and comfortable, not weird and forced. I was just more hoping to have someone else confirm that I wasn't misreading things. He hasn't acted weird or changed anything yet, but I haven't seen him since the weekend so I guess I'll have to see how he behaves on our next date. Thank you!

    • Your very welcome. That is good that you and him talk a lot in person. True everybody is busy during the week. So keeping in touch can be tough. That is good about the sex thing. And also that is good that he hasn't been acting weird yet. I think the next date will test things. So far things seem to be going good. Keep me updated if you can. I hope things work out.

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