White Guy crushing on Latina who only dates Black Guys (plus other complications)?

I've been working with this girl for 2 years now and we have amazing chemistry. Any possible sign you could think up that shows a girl is into a guy, I swear this girl gives. But I'm willing to be corrected here.

She's basically attached at my hip at work, following me around, using any excuse to do things alongside me. She's constantly touching me subtly, my shoulder, my arms, even grasping my waist, running her nails along my skin, etc. We eat lunch together every day. She confides in me. Changed her phone number and only gave me the new number. Etc.

Now this girl is gorgeous and gets approached and hit on 24/7 but legit hates the attention and is a secret introvert. She only reciprocates with me.

I was initially in a relationship with someone else when we started working together, then recently I broke up and after the Latina made it clear her "it's complicated" status was definitively single I asked her out--and she said no.

Her explanation after a lot of ums and wells was "we work together and all..."

Now I also know incidentally that all of her exes are black and she is very attracted to black men. She grew up in a very rough low income city that is predominantly black and that has been the pool her relationships have been from. I can even go the extra step to say she tends to pick "troublemakers" with several of them in jail or facing trial as we speak. I'm getting the impression she thinks I'm "stereotypically white" which is absurd and wildly inaccurate, yet I'm definitely not a "troublemaker" for what it's worth.

So here are my questions: Do you agree that she's attracted to me or do you think I've been friendZoned this whole time without realizing? If a girl was REALLY into a guy don't you think she'd go out with him even if it was a coworker? Do you think race is playing any role in this at all and she's just not attracted to me in "that way?"

I've since backed off my approach. Is it game over or should I keep showing interest?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't show you're interested, because she said no. The train has left the station. She's very touchy feely and is obviously comfortable with you, but if that's as far as she will go then that's as far as you should take it.

    You seem to be handling this with more poise and class than I would, but understanding the extent of this relationship and not going any further will serve you in the best way. As another commenter said, women are complicated. Some can ignore you yet dream about you, while others can be like this Latina and never be willing to take that next step.

    • You know what was funny... About a week after she turned me down she happened across me when I was talking to another very attractive girl who has expressed interest in me.

      Later that afternoon when we left for lunch (which is just silently assumed by this point, when I leave to eat she literally just follows me) she declared to our manager "okay we're going on a date now we'll be back" and we went for a walk to a nearby art gallery store and spent like an hour together discussing our love of art before we even ate.

      I was just laughing to myself when we were leaving cuz I'm like "what is up with this chick, I'm so confused..."

      It seemed like classic jealousy but why would she get jealous if she's not interested?

    • Even if it is jealousy, that's not what you build a relationship off of. She could be territorial even, or at least concerned that she will lose her perfect buddy if you branch off with another girl.

      The bottom line is, she made her statement and has not explicitly retracted it. The rest is fool's gold.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • None of it matters, she doesn't want to date you, accept that.

    • Accepted, just curious what the deal breaker was, which is not something I'm gonna press her on. We still have an incredible friendship so it is what it is.

      It's just that I've been friendZoned before but this honestly did not feel like the friendZoned (until now by process of elimination...)

      I'm no relatinship expert but I would've bet any amount of money this girl was way into me. The whole situation is so odd I just feel like I'm missing something obvious...

    • Only she knows exactly why she doesn't want the relationship, even if she has feelings for you.

What Guys Said 4

  • Well you did ask her out and she flat out said no. Sometimes girls can be touchy, and not even be interested in you like that. I think they enjoy teasing men a bit sometimes. If I was you I would start looking elsewhere, don't be mean to her but just stop showing interest.

  • Many girls are complicated. It is clear she doesn't like you that way though man. I'm sorry

  • You can do better, she's damaged goods. Her stock on the dating market is very low.

  • Girls who only date black guys are crazy dude, as tempting as it seems you gotta get over her

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