What is the best way to show affection?

So i'm seeing a great guy. But I'm not. because of past experiences, I find physical intimacy aside from innocent things like kissing and cuddling very uncomfortable and scary. This guy is completely understanding, lets me set the pace. Thing is we just talked about how since neither of us are stable in our careers (meaning we can possibly move at any time during the year) I brought up that maybe it's not the best time for us to date and he did agree but we are still friends and hold hands and kiss. At the time, it seemed like a good idea but the more i think about the more I think I have made a mistake. He still tells me he really likes me and that I am very important to him. I don't want to lose him and I SUCK at romance. I am making him a cheesecake with dark chocolate lace (those are his two favorite sweets) but what else can I do to show him how much I care?
Guys please help. How can a woman convey her affections for a man?
*Sex is not an option I'm still horribly scared about the idea of doing that.


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  • look i REALLY understand about being scared to be intimate. you don't need to touch someone to be intimate with them and you are lucky to have a man that is considerate of you and your wishes.
    if you honestly think you're not ready for a relationship, don't stay in this relationship. we all take different times to be ready for something. if you feel there's pressure on you to do certain things communicate with the people making you feel that way (him, or your friends, etc) or get out of the relationship. it's ok to do so. you have no responsibility to be in anything you're not comfortable with!!

    but that's just what i'm interpreting from this. on the flip side having someone that understands you is a good way to get over the things that are holding you back.
    getting over doesn't have to mean actually doing the things you're directly scared of. you can both give each other affection by spending time with each other and doing things that show him you appreciate him. making a cheesecake is such a nice and cute idea!
    you will walk the talk and show him how much you like him by consistently being around. that's how trust grows and your relationship will grow, too. if you are loyal and sacrifice for your man, if he's decent he will do the exact same for you. i think that's true affection.

    • Thanks. It's not that I'm not ready to be in relationships, it's more that I had a really traumatic experience and he knows about it. So I just get skittish and he's the first guy i have been out with since that night. But thanks for the reassurance. I think he's worth fighting my fears for.

    • he sounds like it! i'm sorry you've had a traumatic experience and i hope you heal (with his help or not). <3

    • Thanks. I have come along way since then and he is definitely helping me by not pressuring me.

  • Just tell him how you feel. He sounds like a nice; understanding guy.

    • He is. I have told him how much I appreciate and care about him but he made a comment that made my heart drop when we talked about us not dating. It didn't really hit me until today though when he told me that I was important to him.

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    • If you are hugging and kissing then that backs up whatever you say. Since you told him you dont think its a good time to date, he has accepted that but it seems like he's hinting that he wants more when you are ready - telling you he really likes you and you are important to him. Sounds like he's waiting for you to change the pace again. Just tell him you really care for him and that you've changed your mind that you dont want to date. Tell him how you feel about him and that you still have issues you are working through but he means a lot to you. Then you back it up with long cuddles'etc. S

    • A nice quiet dinner together would be a nice way to do it. Good luck - happy for you that you've found a great guy :-)

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