Encouraging me to date other guys. Is he letting me down easy? Implying he doesn't see serious potential with me?

I'm 33, been seeing a 38 year old for 4 months. We've discussed polyamory from the start. He once had a live in g/f while dating someone else. I once had 2 live in b/fs. None of us are seeing other people. I prefer one guy, he works insane hours. We got in a fight recently where I thought he was avoiding dinner dates. Later I asked him if he considers us to be in an open relationship or single & seeing eachother. He said " I tend to need to feel comfortable in a situation before I really feel committed to something. I like to find my groove and then move on from that point. I think where I get really hurt is when I'm starting to feel comfortable and then you don't seem to notice that I am & take it differently and then get upset and then it causes me to feel like we're not on the same page. There are so many things I absolutely love about you..." "I think of you as a divorced woman and wonder if you explored yourself fully. I don't think I hold you back but sometimes I think, geez, you're young, sexy, smart and beautiful, there's still so much for you to check out. I trust that you know what you want for yourself. I just get momentary pangs of worry because I just feel like I project a lot of myself five years ago when I was actively getting out there, dating, trying different things, traveling, etc. It was good times. I feel like I think you are awesome to be with but I just would like to see you get out there more. I wouldn't want you to regret opportunities like that." We spoke on the phone and he said he wouldn't be offended if I date other people. And he would understand if I wanted to break things off do that if I chose. But he also wouldn't mind continuing to see me while I dated others. I have not pursued anything before this but I have told him before that I want to start finding someone who wants a serious relationship if he doesm't want to be. He never said he doesn't want a relationship so I'm not sure what to make of it. Is he letting me down easy?


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  • I get why you're confused, he is very confusing! I would try to talk to him again, asking really straightforward questions. Tell him exactly what you want and if he can give that to you. Hopefully he'll answer straight and not give you the runaround again.

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