I want to be myself, but I fear that for every girl something about me will be a dealbreaker?

I am 17, so of course, I still considerably struggle with insecurities at times.

I see all these people with all these dating "dealbreakers" around here.

I sometimes wonder if something about me will always be a dealbreaker for a girl.

For example:

I am short (I don't really ruminate on this anymore because I know it's something I can't control, but just to illustrate the point).

If it's not my height, then it will be because I don't drink.

If it's not that, then it will be because I am not into any sports.

If it's not that, then it will be because I like to listen to Indian film music which is too weird for her.

If it's not that, then it will be because I like to sleep with a teddy bear (of course, if I was to sleep with a girl, I wouldn't, but for some women, that mere practice at all is a dealbreaker). Though, I have heard of even tough athletes that do. Still...

Now, the height, of course I can't control so it's a waste of time to worry about that, but most of the following things are things I can control and could stop doing if I wanted to, but the problem is that it's just a part of who I am.

To alter this would violate my integrity with myself and identity.

I am not against change necessarily, and I am all for self-improvement - for example, being more outgoing, working on my social skills, strengthening emotionally, working out, being more productive, etc (these are all things I am working on).

However, I don't want to change the things I listed above simply because it's a part of who I am and altering those would cause me to lose my identity. They're not things I really want to change...

... however, at the same time I fear something about me will always be a dealbreaker for every girl, especially seeing everyone here and on the internet in general, listing their dealbreakers.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you ask me you sound like a great guy. Some girls won't like the 'weird' stuff your into or do but you'll find someone who will accept it.

    • Thank you.

    • Of course. And I know hearing that 'you'll find someone' might be tough but there's people out there you can look past those things.

Most Helpful Guy

  • don't worry about it so much. You don't want to hide whole chunks of yourself for any woman. No woman is worth that. Be true to yourself. Just make sure that when you are interacting with women that you show the best version of yourself. The one that is more sociable and outgoing


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • There is no one person on this earth that is completely normal. Everyone's got their own quirks and "dealbreakers" that put off some people and attract others. If they don't like it then that means they can't accept it which means they can't accept you and those are the kinds of people you don't wanna have in your life anyway. Be yourself. You're the only one who likes the things you like

  • Obviously there will be something everyone will dislike about you but that's true for everyone. I doubt though that those are many people's deal breakers so don't sweat it.


What Guys Said 1

  • Don't worry about it. I dated a 22 year old chick that did a lot of the same things you do. Just hang around places whether people with interests similar to yours are and you'll find someone. Also quirky seems to be in right now so that's a plus for you.

    • Yeah, that's the word. I am just sort of quirky, you know?

      But thanks.