Guy I'm seeing hasn't initiated contact in days after an argument. How much time to give him?

I've been seeing this guy for 4 months. Both in our 30's. One Sat we went on a wonderful date that he planned. By wed, I craved talking in person again. I suggested grabbing a quick bite to eat after work. He seemed to avoid contacting me till 1am. Normally he's chatty in the evening. Thur we wound up watching shows at 1am and going to sleep. Also he has a tendency to pretend to be sick when he doesn't want to do something. But he'll say he's up for it. On Sat, he asked if I wanted take out or to go out. When I picked going out, he said he wasn't sure he was hungry anymore, felt sick. I said "Forget it, let's cancel, you were just hungry 5 min ago." I told him I felt he was avoiding talking to me lately. That while we went on dates, he mostly wanted to text and watch movies. He said he feels I don't appreciate the effort that he put into our last date. Said he felt attacked and hurt. I told him that I would like him to be honest if he doesn't want to do something. He said he was pooped and indecisive. He denies pretending to be sick. Angry at my "assumptions". We had dinner wed where I apologized. The day before Valentine's day, after claiming to be sick again, he admitted he didn't want to see me for awhile. "Still upset." We rehashed the argument. But he said I wasn't hearing him. He was very frusterated. At one point I expressed my side of things for several min. He said he was not happy and was done with the convo because I talked on for 10 min w/out letting him interject. He replied the next day on Valentine's day when I apologized for not letting him interject. I said Im not used to people not telling me when they want to say something. He said happy Valentine's back and "I'm used to being asked to discuss". Then he wrote "getting some rest, sweet dreams, catch up later". He had sent good morning/night texts after our initial fight. After rehashing, he has completeky stopped initiating contact. It's the 3rd day. How much time to give him? Best thing to say?


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What Guys Said 1

  • If you're both in your 30s and he's still giving you a TOTALLY HALF-ASSED commitment after four months, then it's time to jump ship. He sounds like a 20-year-old college kid, not a 30-something adult.

    He always wants to stay in, watch movies, get take out, and communicate primarily by texting -- does that sound like a reasonable adult to you? What's his deal? Is he broke/trying to save money? Or just lazy? Or is he putting in a half-assed effort because he's not really invested in this relationship?

    Do you want to be with this guy in five years? If you get married and have a baby, do you think he's going to do his fair share of getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers? Or is he going to complain about not feeling well or being "still upset" every time the kid starts crying at 3am? (Maybe you don't want to have a baby in a few years -- so just apply that scenario to anything else in your life.)

    As a typical guy, I can be REALL stubborn, but if I really cared about someone, I wouldn't go three days without contacting her. Even if I thought that I was right and that she owed me an apology, I would still get in contact with her to try to talk things out within a day or two MAX.


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