How to get over the fear of looking stupid, and fear of rejection?

I've always been really afraid of looking stupid, getting rejected, and conscious of what other people think of me. That's why I'm 28 years old and I've never had a girlfriend.

And it feels like the older I get, the fear grows and the harder it is to start a conversation. It seems like a problem that feeds on itself and if I don't do something about it I'll always be alone.

For example today I was just eating at a cafeteria, and I was sitting next to a girl who was chatting away with her girlfriend (talking about guys).

I thought she was really cute, and we made a prolonged eye contact, so maybe she thought the same about me.

But in situations like this, all I would do is some "eye flirting" and then leave, because I don't want to start a conversation and make myself look like a fool.

How do I get over this?

Because this problem kind of feeds on itself - I'm usually talkative around people I know, but if I try to think about how to start conversation with a girl, my mind would be totally blank.

I think this problem came from my high school years, I had low self esteem in high school, I had braces, and face full of pimples.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Make it your goal to embarrass yourself, not to avoid it. It's so easy for your brain to imagine every bad outcome before you come up with a good one. Make it your goal get rejected, and you'll find out that really it could have gone a lot worse, and since it was your goal for it to go badly, you will be surprised as to how not badly it actually went (whether you get rejected or not).

    You can also try and not be so results oriented. There are a lot of very diverse reasons as to why a girl would say no to you, many of them not involving you looking bad at all. But even if it is about you, the only way you can improve yourself is by trying again. When you learned to walk, did you care who saw you fall a million times? No, you got your ass up and tried again. Why didn't that little you care? Because it is all in your head, you had not yet formed social perspective. Now, the ones you have formed are holding you back, so you have to let go and try something new.

    You can do this by not being results oriented and rather focus on the process, which is a series of small steps in which you overcome your fears. When you get rejected, you don't think about that, you think of all the fears you've overcome in the process, what it could teach you and how you can approach the next experience with a better perspective, a little better each time. One day, after 99 rejections, you might get lucky and land a date. BOOM now you have one more girl than you've ever had before, with the confidence of a man whose talked to 100 girls. Each experience with something to offer, and that is what you should remember of them, not rejection, leave that shit behind.

    Always look forward, bring what you learned with you, but only what can help you. Dwelling on past rejections is not baggage you need, they are winter jackets, and you are going to Mexico.


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What Guys Said 2

  • you have to break out of it by getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and start doing the shit you never would have and continue doing so even after failure.

  • By reassuring yourself that all other people are just stupid, inept assholes and why should you give a fuck what they think? Don't let people know you think like that though, they'll think you're arrogant, or course they would, they're stupid assholes! lmao