I don't know what we are... Kinda lost with this girl. Am I making myself a friend?

Okay. We've both just got out of our first serious relationships and I don't know lol I'm terrible at this. I literally have no game anymore which doesn't bug me, I want someone to want me how I am, no fronts and she seems the same. I let her know early that I'm very uncomfortable with affection until I really trust them and slowly but surely we've become affectionate over the past month. We go on dates and such and talk about relationship stuff often and how we work. I don't text much because I think it's worthless communication when I see Her as often as I do and can speak face to face so I use it mainly to schedule. Weve also established early on we don't want to rush into things. I'm very reserved and have been described as cold/intimidating by just about everyone until they know me well and she's pretty reserved as well, just a bit warmer. We play around a lot physically like play fighting and piggy back rides etc. We talk for hours when we're together just bullshitting and sharing our thoughts. There is sexual tension there and we've even brought up sex quite a bit in our recent conversations. She remembers just about everything I've ever said and listens to me very intently. I want someone to be "best friend" worthy before I completely invest myself in her and she's mentioned things of the sort as well. I'm really starting to develop feelings for her and she's been very patient with me warming up to her but I can't help but feel I've discouraged her/pushed her away a little. I really don't want to screw my chances with her because God damn she's incredible. I believe nothing worthwhile has ever happened in a couple days and I'm happy with the way things are playing out. I just think she may feel like she's walking on eggshells or that she's losing interest. I tend to overthink things and I don't know Were both only seeing eachother and have been seeing eachother for a month now and I just want to know if I'm doing alright.

  • You're good man
    Vote A
  • You're effing up dude...
    Vote B
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What Girls Said 1

  • At least kiss her

    • It's been crossing my mind way too much lately lol I need to. I don't know like I said I don't even know how to go about this stuff but I guess getting shot down is the worst that could happen.

    • Show All
    • The thought of it is terrifying but she's worth being brave. I guess I'm gonna take your advice haha *crosses fingers*

    • I know it's scary, but in this instance you should feel less scared. There's already sexual tension, she seems to like you and you know you can't wait forever. Good luck 🍀

What Guys Said 1

  • The issue here is you.

    If you need months of time of "warming up" then you're not ready for a relationship. What ever baggage you're carrying from the past, like emotional traumas and hurts, are what's hurting you now, and what will ruin your relationship moving forward.

    It's not fair to this new girl because it's not her responsibility to handle you with kitten gloves like you're some kind of burn victim because the moment she wants to be playful and tease you she's likely to accidentally hurt you... and if you explode with resentment or anger it's going to be hurtful and confusing for her.

    What I'm saying is this: if you're still so hurt and sensitive that you can't easily open up and be affectionate and sexual with someone new then you're really not ready.

    You can pretend that you're just "reserved" but that's just another way of saying you're "guarded" and cold.

    I can respect that you're worried about being hurt again, but that's your issue and it's not fair to be holding on to that with this new girl. Why should this new wonderful soul have to jump through all these hoops in order to find the "real" you. The "real" you is just a guy who's worried about being hurt again.

    Instead you need to get your head right, forgive your ex for past mistakes, forgive yourself for past mistakes, and accept that the past isn't the future.

    Accept that it's possible that this new girl might not last either... and that's perfectly okay! You can't keep yourself safe from future relationship failures by being cold and guarded. As a matter of fact, the longer you take to open up and accept what pain will come, the more likely you'll create resentment within this new relationship.

    Let her in, kiss her next date, and cuddle until you feel better. Then get naked!

    Let go of the past and quit trying to protect your feelings. It's okay to be hurt in the name of finding love. You're a big boy and you can take it.


    ~ Robby

    (My Blog https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

    • Man it sucks being called out like that but I think you hit the nail on the head... It's not as much my ex as it was abuse growing up but I'll definitely agree I gotta get past that. she's defitely shown me enough to open up to her.

    • Good for you man! I only "call you out" because I can completely relate.

      All I can say is that work through the past trauma... deal with it in private, or with close friends, or find a decent councillor/therapist. This is what I did and it turned my life around. It's completely worth being uncomfortable for a few hours at a time in order to make the rest of your life open, happy and exciting!

      Trust me, you're worth it.