Does being single mean you should wait for the right one to find you, or should you be actively looking?

I've been single for almost a year now (8-9) months. During this time I gave myself time to heal but I actively tried to find possible boyfriends as well. I tried the whole online dating thing and giving out my number sometimes. But I just came out disappointed each time. The guys I've met just want to use me or aren't emotionally ready for a relationship because they just got out of one or had their hearts broken. I kind of gave up on the whole dating scene. I was starting to feel like there's no one out there that will appreciate me and be good for me. Should I just not pay guys any mind? Will God send the right man to me with out looking for him at all? Or should you be active and look for a partner? While single should I not date or ask guys on dates? I'm starting to feel like I'll never meet a guy who will love me for me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Both are actually needed. If you're idle, you'll get passed by and the only guys that'll show interest will be very dull for you to date honestly.

    I honestly know the pain of the online dating thing to but I don't feel that you should give up on dating in general, but I do suggest skipping the online part of it. I honestly notice guys and girls struggle with it.

    Guys struggle with having no middle ground in terms of women to date. They're either a mess in the sense that they're alcoholics and drug addicts. Or they're so uptight to the point where they will only date a model looking guy with lots of money, etc. There's many profiles of girls making checklists at the ends of their profile of requirements and it is gross.

    Girls struggle online with guys just wanting to hook up and not having a lot of good quality guys looking to do anything with their lives. Many girls have told me how many of the guys are basement babies hooked on video games and such.

    Plus I noticed many people talk way too far ahead when it's online. You'd think they were gonna start picking out names for children within 5 dates.

    Anyways, I think you should just try meeting people in places you frequent but in a very casual way. A simple friends first without thinking anything of romance can get you very far. Make friends with guys maybe.

    • Should I just go up to them? I'm bad at approaching guys. I get extremely nervous and never know what to say.

    • Cold approaching is tough but if you already know them and see them regularly it can be much more casual. Like if you're looking for a place you can ask them where it is and such so it don't seem too upfront.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Do both. Look, but also keep in mind that the other person may find you before you find them. In other words, make an effort to find someone, but don't over do it. Don't let looking change the way you live or take up large amounts of time. It can be depressing at times when you are looking and don't find anyone that you feel a connection with, but that person likely is feeling the same way as they look for you. Dating is like fishing. If you make to much fuss then you risk scaring the fish away, but if you but the line in and slowly reel it in then you'll catch one. It's about being patient and waiting for the right one to come along and take the bait.

    • I see. I guess I just have to be patient. I guess it's just been difficult to be patient because like you said I can't find a connection with anyone and it makes me want to give up completely. I guess I just need to enjoy myself and my life by myself and one day maybe the right guy will walk into my life. I wish my soul mate wasn't lost. I feel like he's out there somewhere lost and doesn't know how to find me =/ =(

  • I've been single my whole life, I've had some plain hands go for me but I wasn't interested, to me I need looks in a girl to five her a shot, anyway point is, it's a mix, you shouldn't just go up to every person you're attracted too, and you have to realize a lot of girls and guys aren't worth shit these days, (I may be shallow in needing a hot girl but I'd give her everything and wouldn't fuck around like some people) so you should be cautious as well, basically wait, and if someone you're physically attracted to begins to show more good qualities try going for it, he'll I lost my hair from shock when my father passed, I know that's part of my problem, even pulling off a shaved head girls hate bald and I've been rejected well into 17 times but I won't ever settle or lower standards, I know all about waiting, you just have to endure. Plus your a girl it will be easier, I'm not being sexist but guys typically are the pursuers.


What Girls Said 1

  • Over the years I have learned that actively searching will more then likely leave a girl/guy disappointed because their hopes will always be high. You need to find a happy medium, not closed off, but not actively pursuing a relationship. Live your life for yourself because everything in life is a bit of a surprise. You may find a guy tomorrow, next year or for some people never (sad but true). When another person is involved its very hard to actively find someone, dating is not like an exam you can study for. For a test you can be like I will study hard and get an A, but dating, I will look hard for a man doesn't really work. Get yourself out there and don't think about it all the time, or else you may spend too much moping and miss out on what life has in store for you. Also never lower your standards just to be in a relationship, else you will most likely end up miserable.

    • Thank you. I really agree with what you said. I guess I just have to live life and enjoy me. You're right I shouldn't look for anything because I will end up disappointed, I notice that I always do. But I do need to put more time and energy into myself. Sometimes I get a little sad and think I'll never find anyone but I guess I shouldn't think that way.