Would this make you question?

My fiance suggested that his dad and siblings take a family vacation and hasn't asked me to go yet. I'm hurt he knows I have the vacation time and the money. His mom died. I just think it speaks volumes on how he doesn't see me as family. Would this be something. that would make you question if you two are compatible in a marriage?


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're marrying this person, you should feel comfortable enough to ask him about it. I know plenty of married people who once in a while will do a weekend away or a vacation with just the siblings or just the nuclear family, sans SO's. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

    • Don't they become part of the family though. Especially once you're married? Why would you leave someone out. Maybe I just grew up different than most people but people that are married into the family are always seen as much as family as everyone else

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    • The relationship that you have with the people you grew up with will ALWAYS be different - it just IS. It doesn't mean you love that person any less, or that they're not part of the family, or that they don't belong like everyone else - it's just a different relationship by virtue of not having the same context. It's like if you have two friends - one friend who you have known since you were still in diapers and one who you met as an adult. You love them both equally, and they are equally important to you and have played equally important roles in you becoming the person that you are, but they are different relationships, and at some point you might want to spend some time with the childhood friend just the two of you and "be kids" again together and have it be old times and talk about things your other friends wouldn't understand because they weren't there...

    • Oh OK I gotcha now. That makes complete sense.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think you should calmly tell him how you feel about it, but if his mom died and he is wanting to spend time with his true family, you should give him the space to do so. If he has asked you to marry him he does want you in his life forever and sees you as family, but maybe right now he just needs to be with his immediate family.

    • His mom died years and years ago I must added that part in in case people were wondering where the mom was in this scenario. The vacation has nothing to do with the fact his mom died. I would understand a little more if one of my fiances siblings didn't want me to be included but it hurts a lot note when my own fiance is planning it and doesn't want to include me

    • Ok. Well like I said, talk to him calmly and if he has asked you to marry him then he does love you, and this one vacation won't matter in the grand scheme of things

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he just wants time alone with his siblings and dad? Moreover if his mother just died, he might just want to spend time with his closest family at this time.

    • Oh no she died like 15 years ago. Since we are getting married wouldn't he consider me part of his closest family?

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    • I would ask him if I were you. I know my parents each have holidays on their own with their siblings/closest family without each other and they have been married for 20 years

    • OK your opinion makes sense to me now since you parents kept their relationship separate from tgeir families. I guess I am just looking for a relationship where I am incorporated into the family. Different strokes for different folks.