Busy or Not Interested?

I met this guy online. Both of us are graduate students and are very busy people with him being in a phD program and me in a Masters. He is 31 and I am 25. Both of us are looking for short-term/long-term relationships. And we don't have much expectations regarding online dating.

We have gone on dates almost once a week for the past month. The first date he drove out of town to visit me and since then I basically have been driving to him (40 minute drive). We seem to enjoy each other's company and seem to have common interests. He's very well-rounded and ambitious. What I don't like about him is that he is not affectionate. The only time he would kiss me is when he wants to make out, which is usually before we have sex. Another thing that I don't like about him is that whenever we do see each other, I feel like it is being rushed and we don't have great quality time with each other. I do appreciate him for trying to squeeze me to his schedule but sometimes he seems out of it.

He usually can talk about anything except avoids topics relating to relationships. So during our last date, I wanted to know where does he see this going and he basically said that he wants to take things slow and didn't give an explanation. I didn't want to annoy him with further questions because he seemed uncomfortable talking about it.

He loves to talk a lot on our dates but he rarely texts or calls me. It seems as though I have done a lot of initiating on scheduling dates and even texting him since I am the type of person who likes to schedule things days in advance. But because I feel like I am doing everything, I decided to push back and see if he is willing to initiate this time.

It has been almost a week since I saw him and have not heard anything. I understand that he's a busy guy but so am I and yet I make the time to text him and even visit him. Am I crazy for thinking that he is not interested in seeing me again or is he just so busy?


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  • I don't think he's interested in you and the way that you might want him to be. He doesn't seem like he wants commitment because every time you bring up anything relationship oriented he seems to be turned off by that and if he's not affectionate than that means that he doesn't want a form of intimacy outside of being sexual with you I think he's interested in the sex and maybe someone to hang out with every now and then but not to have a relationship with.

    • unfortunately I think you might be right. How should I go about this since I really like him?

    • that depends on what you want. If you are basically just wanting to hook up with him then go ahead and do so but don't expect anything out of it. If you want and commitment than just completely cut ties from him. You're not going to change what he wants. Don't let him be with you if you're not going to get what you need from him. but overall what I would do is just cut your losses and move on just tell him the way that he has been acting towards you isn't satisfactory because you have to teach him how to respect you but another way you can go about it is sitting down talking with him about what he really wants and you can go from there and see if you two are compatible like that but if not go ahead and move on.