Can you become sexually attracted over time?

I am dating a man who has everything I've ever wanted. Good looking, intelligent, 1 year older than me, has a company that pays very well, we have tons of similar interests and also common friends, we can talk for hours he is always great company.

We went on a few dates during fall but I never was able to kiss or touch him because I just didn't feel sexually attracted.

We stopped talking and just recently he contacted me again. I agreed to see him again and it was still very fun. He is very direct and often tells me he likes me and compliments a lot and I always feel a little uncomfortable.

But at the same time he is the perfect match for me. So I would really love to be attracted by him.

Tonight he took me out for dinner and we stayed 5 hours talking at the restaurant. So after our date we kissed. And I felt nothing. It was uncomfortable and I didn't feel any attraction.

I do wish it could work out but I don't feel it. Do you think attraction can come over time?

Any similar stories to share?


ok i will be honest - its not only that i felt nothing

the kiss turned me off, it was bad

is there still hope? i like everything about him


Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds like more of a really close child hood friend than a boyfriend/love.

    That, or what you think you're feeling is just an illusion because sexual attraction should be one of the first things you feel/notice when you fall for someone.

    Although, if you are willing to commit, which sounds very likely, it will develop, but from my perspective, very very very slowly.

    Unless, ya' Love has lived a very well-balanced life meaning, "stress-free",
    Then yes, very, very, slow.

    ( Certain stress overcomes one's mind, impacts performance in certain areas)
    ( thought I'd include it, in case you'd like to study. ;P )


    • Ty i am just at this point where i think it would be more intelligent to date someone who cares a lot about me treats me well and has his life together instead of a loser with tons of sexual chemistry like i always do!!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • While it is possible to grow more attracted over time, you guy aren't compatible. Attraction isn't something that should be forced.

  • did not read details from lack of time..

    for men, if we werent attracted to you from the get go, thts it even if you get hot after... for women, i know its the oppiste and men can work for it

  • You may have been expecting too much, that you didn't "feel" the kiss AKA chemistry.

  • I think so, maybe you just aren't totally in love yet. Give it some time.


What Girls Said 2

  • From what you said I think you should let him know that you're not ready for sexual contact yet. It's hard to find someone good for you. Keep him around and see if things change. If not, just be friends if he's okay with that. Things could change but remember not to string him along. The fact that you're asking seems like you also want to do what's best for him. He might not be in your life as a mate but maybe just a good person that's in your life.

  • Perhaps you can in time, because it is psychological yes, um but you will always have a preference and that will not change. :)

    It is okay, um I had went through something similar. :)

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