Is it possible to date someone when you're really insecure?

I like this guy and he likes me, and we are kinda seeing eacother. I found him attractive from the day i met him and apparantly he felt the same, but im very insecure and i didn't really realese thise before i met him.

I freak out and overanalyze everything, i try to find flaws about him (most lately so i will justify to myself why i shouldn't be in a sitaution im not used to and feel isnecure about, aka dating a guy i like). Im affraid he will find me boring, and im afraid he won't find my scars and my hair (body hair) or my body (i have muscles) attractive and i ask my self "why does he even like me?".

I mean he even told my sister how amazing he thought i was, and on his behaviore i can tell he want more then just sex. He is cute and weird (like me) and he as gorgouse eyes (i smile just tinking about it).. And even with all these obious signs i freak out because its a presure on me to make him like me (more) and want to continue dating me.

I need help with this insecuritiy because i really don't want to date someone/be in a relationship with someone when i go around feeling like shit because i think he will dump me


Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, I am in the same boat you are but I've been with my boyfriend for quite some time and I'm going to tell you right now, changing yourself to not be insecure is quite the task. I am still working on it and it's been almost a year, but he is insecure as well. When you're in a relationship, it becomes less about the insecurity and more about the trust you have in your partner. You have to trust that he won't leave you, you have to trust that he is attracted to you and only you, just just have to trust him in all aspects of things. I'm not sure how to explain changing your insecure behavior because I find I have to push myself not to be insecure about a situation to make myself okay - if that makes sense.
    For example, say you two are dating and he wants to go to a party with a couple of friends. My insecurity tells me that even though he is a big guy, he will get drunk quickly and fall into bed with another girl who is prettier than me. But the small, normal voice inside of my head shouts at me and reminds me that I have to trust him because we compromised and told me he will text me the whole time, call me when he is there, call me when he leaves, and give me a friends phone number so I can keep extra tabs on him. Not only that, but he assures me that I am the only girl he is in love with and he has no desire to spare another girl a glance.
    Therefore, the two balance each other out and instead of being stressed at home, staring at my phone waiting for his texts, I can just relax and have trust in my boyfriend that he won't do anything to hurt me.
    I hope this kind of helped, I explained it as best I could!

    • it makes sense, and i guess it helped a little... My "normal" voice tells me he likes me, because he woulndt act in this way or say all this things if he really didn't like me... And then you have my insecure voice telling me i should be more fun and have more things to say so that he wants to continue dating me, or it tells me that me might not like the fact that im more muscular then him ( i work out a lot, he doesn't work out)

    • My boyfriend and I are actually the same way and I think he is gorgeous, just as you feel with your crush. I am a derby girl so I have to be muscular to be a good player. He just started boxing again (used to do MMA) to get in shape because he was inspired by how hard I work and who knows, maybe it'll be the same way with you and your crush if you date! But don't worry about not having stuff to say, that comes with time. All of the inside jokes and laughing when you can't get the words out quick enough comes sooner than you think :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • yes, but it may not be a successful relationship.

    • i know.. thats why im asking for help...

What Girls Said 2

  • If you're constantly second guessing his feelings about you because of your own insecurities, then it won't work out in the end. It won't make you happy, and you guy won't be happy with constantly having to reassure you.

    Some ways to work on your confidence are to stop reading gossip magazines, to stop buying make up, to do things you're good at or passionate about, and to stop comparing yourself to others.

    • i know i know... but i dont buy gossip magazines and i extremely rarely buy makeup. And unless its special occasion or if i going out i dont use makeup either. I do weight training, and im good and very into it.. i dont really compare myself with others, expect maybe fitness models... so yeah.. i should really stop doing that i guess

  • It's totally possible. You just have to make your mind shut the hell up every time you start thinking too much. I'm really insecure too (I pretty much hate myself), and I've done the whole thing with trying to find flaws so I can justify rejecting him, so I get it.

    You really should try to work on your self-esteem, even though it's easier said than done, and accept the fact that no matter what you think, he likes you, and that's what's important. Be happy that you've caught the attention of such a great guy, enjoy your time together, be yourself, and force yourself to stop thinking about the stuff that makes you feel bad. It's hard sometimes, but it's worth it.

    • And by the way, when I say to be happy that you've caught his attention, I don't mean that you couldn't easily do better, or anything like that! That's never a reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship either.

      I realized how that might sound after I clicked Submit...

    • dont worry i know what you ment :) and i know you're right and it make sense! He liked me when i was just being me, and he told me that i was his type of girl and that he knew it from the day he met me. He does like me, me i still feel like i have to be "super fun" to hang out with so that he will like... its very stupid.. lol

    • It's not stupid, haha. I was like that with my last boyfriend. He kept saying I was his type, and that I was fun to be around, and I felt like, "Um, have you met me?" But it gets easier as time passes, and you can sort of settle down. Like, you get comfortable just because if you haven't scared him off yet, it must be fine, haha.