Is he just using me or am I insane?

I met a guy online 1 month ago. We slept together on second date. From this time he texts/calls everyday and we see each other every weekend and sometimes during the week.

We have talked about what we wanted and I made clear that I understand it's too early to say we are a couple but I am not interested in friends with benefits relationships.

At first I was feeling good in this but some things bother me:

the moment I go out of the room he starts looking at his phone, texting etc. he also brings his phone to the bathroom with him and seems bothered when i look at it

he is online anytime i connect on the dating site where we met

he is not generous and always splits bills for everything, only once he took me to a fancy restaurant but his friend was working there he probably had a deal

last weekend i told him i sometimes feel a bit used and he got mad and called me to say it was not the case

do you think he is a liar? am i paranoid? i am not used to this kind of relationship at all.



Most Helpful Guy

  • I have to ask, not to be snarky, but because I've never really understood this: If you aren't a couple and you aren't friends with benefits , then what are you? I'm assuming that when you say you're not a couple it means you're not dating exclusively.

    If you're not dating exclusively, then I assume the two of you are continuing to date other people. It certainly sounds like he is, since he's always on the dating. It sounds like you are too, if you're on the site as well. The fact that he brings his phone with him to the bathroom doesn't indicate anything to me. I do that too. And the fact that he gets bothered when you look at his phone makes sense. You've been dating for a month; that doesn't give you license to pry into all of his personal information.

    So, I guess my question to you would be: In what way are you being used? If you haven't told him that you want to be in a relationship with him, and you haven't taken yourself off the market, then... what exactly has he done to use you? I can understand that you might want to be dating exclusively, but if that's the case you have to tell him. It's possible he'll say no, but it's also possible that he's not shutting all of his doors because he thinks that he shouldn't.

    • to me our relationship right now would be on the way of becoming something exclusive if we keep seeing each other and realize our lifes and personalities are compatible. thats how i see it.
      so i stopped talking to other people because i was to concentrate to this person i am seeing.

      i am not bothered if he checks what i am texting because i am only texting friends. and honestly its bad but i only go online to see if he is, and he is everytime.

      i just feel like even though he says he sees this relationship the same way i do, he treats me more like a friends with benefits , than a potential lover. as a woman i know my feelings can grow over time and i become more attached, but i fear that in his mind he already knows he doesn't want to be more but he lies and says it could become more.

    • Alright, so as a follow-up I have to say: You obviously don't trust him. Why do you want to be in a relationship with him in the first place? Going to a dating website to see if he's been there is not the mark of a healthy relationship. Do you think for some reason that's going to get better?

      As for looking at his phone, just because you're comfortable with it doesn't mean he has to be. He could be texting his mom about a sensitive family issue. You've been dating for a month, you don't know everything about him, nor should you get to so soon.

      You do sound a bit paranoid, in general, and I think that's something you should deal with, but there's that old saying, "Just b/c you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." It sounds like he's still interested in dating other people. If you're not dating other people then you're in a relationship. It's time to confront that.

    • thank you, i think we dont see things the same way and i will only get hurt. i will end this

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What Guys Said 2

  • He is still dating other people, my guess... I could be wrong

    • yes my guess is that he talks to other girls but maybe dont meet them yet or has week night dates, because we are together every weekend since we met

    • It's the nature of online dating / tinder...
      And he loves attention I would guess too

    • wow i hate online dating

  • Your over thinking it. Your lucky he's still. talking to you, after a women gives it up. the first or second night of chilling they're usually sluts not wifey material. You should waited at least a week. Anyway if he's still talking to you your good just give it time.

    • thanks yes i know it was very fast and thats why i feel insecure in this situation

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