When a guy says this:

When a guy tells you this :

I feel like I’m completing you but you are not completing me

What do you have to offer to me?

I’m just asking you to give me a reason to stay.

The main reason is your family. I mean if it was just you can handle but it’s your family. If we get married and have kids one day, are our kids going to go an hangout at your sisters and brother’s house? –I don’t want that.

I want an extended family of our own.

Are guys really that jerk like? –when I thought I didn’t find a jerk this time But why is it that when they break up with a girl –they poses all the jerk like qualities.

If there are readers – how would you interpret all of this? –anything would help I suppose.

Was he really a jerk?

But I know the family thing have been his main concern. I mean I really think he's thinking and analyzing to much.

I mean did he wanted more? --ie get in my pants?

I agree with some that those are jerk like words. But how come I'm still giving him excuses? And how come I hate him right now and I can see all the flaws but the next minute I say it's okay because in the the back of my mind he isn't that type of person
ah I'm so confused on y I'm doing this. a part of me tells me he's a jerk a part of me tells me he's not. Someone tell me y? please? help?what's wrong with me?After you have read all the comments and stuff. why am I doing this.
p.s. THANK YOU. :)
Would it be wise if I e-mail or have a talk with him and ask him y he feels incomplete and what was it that he wanted? --I know some advise that but It's kind of over now and is there really a point? but I won't get closure until I know the story
I'm sorry guys..but I appreciate all the great and awesome comments and feedbacks because it really is helping me :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's being honest, even though his motivations are immature... there's no way he's really leaving you because of your family - that's just his way of backwards rationalizing his loss of attraction for you. I guarantee he's disinterested for some other reason.

    Stop stirring in your own self pity and let him go.

    There's nothing that makes forgetting an ex boyfriend easier then a new guy who's worth getting to know.

    ~ Robby

    • I think so too.

      I can feel he seems disinterested in me or lost his attraction for me recently. but I guess I couldn't figure out what's the main reason. But I suppose you are right. " There's nothing that makes forgetting an ex boyfriend easier then a new guy who's worth getting to know"

      thank u. :)

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    • Well if it's over between me an him. is there really anything I can do?

      I mean call him or e-mail and ask him why he's feeling incomplete? And ask what he has that's so awesome and in which completes me? --When he told me that if he leaves me he's going to leave me there will be no working out. So what am I do do? because if I e-mail isn't that like begging him? Or I should say would there be a point to ask all that? and should I just simply let go and move on?

    • Doggy makes a good point... sometimes you need to "earn" your way out of a relationship.. too many bail out too quickly... but this doesn't apply to this situation. He's the one who's bailed, and there's nothing to do about it.

      I can relate to your complete frustration... the feeling of ""wondering why"... but the reality is that you get what you focus on, and if you keep focusing on a broken relationship you'll keep feeling terrible. I wish you the best of luck with your next love affair!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • He sounds like he is trying to validate why he is with you. This usually expresses discontent with either something that has happened between you two, with himself, or a quality he that he doesn't like in you. To be honest, I have asked the first question before in effort to see her vantage point on our relationship. It is a little weird that your future children found it's way into validation of a relationship. I see no wrong in validation but then again it can be used for grounds or a road to a break up. It all depends on the individual and how long the relationship has been afloat. 100% not all guys and not all girls are jerks but usually it is the "non-jerk" that attracts a personality that can have "jerk" qualities. If he is seeking assessment on your relationship the only thing to really do is sit down and assess why you are dating but be forewarned the conversation might not end happily but then again if it is important you can get it out of the way sooner than having a fight later. I hope that makes sense and maybe sheds some light on your situation. Cheers.

    • So you asked someone the question : what do you have to offer to me? --Don't you think that can be a bit selfish?

      we been having frequents debates about my family off and on our relationship. But I've only been with him for a few months ---there really isn't a point to think that far ahead and he makes it sound so severe..I just don't get it.

      and you don't think those comments and questions are jerk like?

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    • But I told him it's hard and I'm working my very best. what more does he want?

      and he said that me changing my major makes me unreliable --I mean for got sake who and college doesn't change their major? --I mean is that a crime?

      I mean up until today -the main issue is still foggy to me.

    • I have asked that question only because it felt like she was just doing it for the status. In contrast I have been asked the question before as well. If you try too hard you will undoubtedly fail, trust me I know. Changing your major is normal. I don't mean to sound cold but it sounds like you both are worrying about next to nothing. Him more than you but all in the same, just chill and have a good time. If it bothers you that much then it's time to move to some one who doesn't.

  • After dating for only a few months, this guy shouldn't be that focused into creating a family with you so soon, unless he found something about you that was compelling to pursue.

    His words come off quite blunk about how he feels. This isn't his attempt at putting you down or making you feel like crap. He wants you to know how he feels. In my opinion, that matters a lot in relationships. If you can't bare some things in life, it will be much harder to live your life happily.

    My final words: if he -

    Can't stand your family

    Don't know what your offering to the relationship

    Is wanting to leave the relationship behind him

    is perceived to be rude

    The relationship sounds like it isn't successful, the common thing to do- would be to get out of there fast. What is the sense of being mistreated and "put down" if it bothers you like what he did already? In your shoes, I would leave him and move on. There are always individuals out there that are more compatible for you, so why not find someone that loves you and enjoys your family etc?

    P.s. it's just my opinion, but I don't think this relationship will last another month if that. I recommend to get out now before the heartache is that much worse.

    Best regards,


    • "I mean did he wanted more? --ie get in my pants?" Were you even listening to what he was telling u? He felt he had more to offer you than you had to offer him. If he wanted to get into ur pants, he could've been a jerk and stuck around until he did that and then left. This guy was honest enough to tell u, look, you have nothing to offer me, sorry, bye. Why are you looking any deeper into it than that?

      Don't hate him for being blunt and honest, just go find s/o who will appreciate what you have to offer..

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    • You are doing this because he is influencing your emotions. Making you feel inadequate to move on comfortably. This guy is abusive =( You should leave him imo, but the decision will be yours to make.

    • Let him go

  • Seems like he's looking at the long term picture of you two which means he is serious about you. Like others have said, you don't think about kids unless your serious about someone.

    However, the whole "completing" thing is often code for "I think there's something missing in our relationship" which is code for "we had one two many fights and I wasn't to be honest that sure of an us when we got together.. sure if you'd have been perfect.. but.. well and then...".

    He's not being a jerk, he's just thinking ahead and trying to make sure he doesn't waste both your times. He would be more of a jerk if he was like me and took 3 years to work out that I was in the wrong relationship for me.

    Think about his question. Ask him how he's incomplete, in what way he's not happy. Listen to him without judging him and maybe you can make a difference. Though, maybe not. Least you will know what went wrong.

    • But at the same time, he feels like I have nothing to offer to him. what am I his pet?

      I mean that was when I got offended.

      b/c in a relationship part of giving and taking? --I Don't think I took anything from him. I mean part of what he's giving me is boyfriend behavior being there, support. and I do the same. ...back ....Idk...

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    • There were multiple times in which He he said : he wants me

      and ....he was the one that brought up oral

      and he says I respect and understand. ....i know that's not really what guys mean sometimes.

    • I hope he meant that he respected and understood. Yes, sounds like its not sexual at all. Which is good, talk things out, find out what's missing for him. I'm sure you should be able to fix it. If you can't, well we have the jerk result. lol.

  • apparently he feels like he's being used by you and you're not reciprocating what he's giving you. that's what it sounds like to me, at least the way he sees it.

    • So do you think that when we go on dates --he's paying is using him?

      so when I go visit him at work and bring him lunch is using him?

      Yeh he has more experience in life--and you think he teaching me or I should say letting me know what life is is using him?

      do you think that when a girlfriend is mad or when she needs someone to talk to is using him?

      Do you think that surprising him with like a mini picnic is using him?

      Do you think that me arguing with my family because the main reason was him-using him

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    • "Yeh he has more experience in life"

      Then he will expect full sex sooner than someone with less experience.

    • Oh? can I hear your logic, analysis on that comment?

      "Yeh he has more experience in life"

      Then he will expect full sex sooner than someone with less experience" and it's really over between us. I don't know if there are any fixing that can be done or if there is a second chance I guess one of the reason I'm making it a concern because I'm confused myself on his answer..like I said he gives me one reason and then another and lastly he said it's my family.....Ahh I'm sorry...

  • He sounds confused, and obviously doesn't admire your family. Do you truly want someone who is that jaded?

    • He does sound confused

      and I'm Confused myself

      tells me all these reason like I'm unreliable.

      he feels like he's completing me not I'm not completing him.

      and tells me the main reason is my family

      and tells me that I'm no longer that independent and confident person. .....making me wonder what is the real reason. ---or are the rest correct that he just lost attraction for me.

  • Yes, he was a jerk. He doesn't seem to realize who ever he chooses is an entire package. He can't just marry someone and exclude the rest of her life, friends and family. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Cut the line and let this one swim away from you.

  • swtlostchingrl,

    Reading your answers I have the impression the guy is quite a bit older than 25 OR that he has a lot of life experience and thus has quite different expectations.

    How old is the guy?

    • He's 24. ...but he graduated and he has a Job--Not really a career. ........he's been though a lot in life and I specifically told him about me having less life experience then him

      I warned him before we decide to be exclusive. I don't know..lost and confused.

    • I'm 22 myself. So not much age gap. I'm in college ...but I'm not experience in life and I want to be. and I'm just slowly working on it. and like I said I told him and warned him. .... ehh yeah

  • Why would he be a jerk for liking you but not liking your family?It happens all the time.

    • Yeah but he didn't have to like criticize them in front of me. Even if some of stuff he said is like true to a certain extent I don't think anyone that date me should have the right to talk about my family. I mean They are my family no matter what and he said was like hurtful stuff and I allow him to do that. who does he think he is? No matter how whatever my family is --I still hurts to have someone love talk about them like that. when he himself don't live in a perfect family.

    • People can agree and say that Oh he's dating you not your family and maybe he's just being honest but truthfully if the person you date can't even be nice and accept that person's family then what does that say? And I know my family isn't perfect and He holds grudges. ..I don't know where I'm going with this comment.

    • Maybe he's not even worth all my time and effort? Do I really need someone who is cocky and thinks he's the complete package? Was he really all that great? Before I guess yes--but now I beg to differ on my opinion. *shurgs*

What Girls Said 4

  • Sorry you are going through this. : (

    This guy may honestly care about you, but he is afraid of commitment. Not sure how old he is, but it's pretty clear that he is coming up with reasons to not have to work through some challenges with getting to know your family, and/or people that you care about. He seems to think he is the total package and you are not. Hmmmm...not very flattering to us girls, is it?

    Men who are mature enough to handle a relationship (believe me girlie...they can be 40 and still be stupid about it!) understand that being part of YOU is also being part of your life and everything that comes with it. If you had a sick family member, or a personal family issue, you would want him to support you, and this guy seems to be a bit selfish, and sorry, I have to say, not ready for a mature relationship yet.

    Maybe down the road after he wises up, he may see that he would rather work out a relationship with your entire family network than lose you, but right now, YES, he is a jerk, and not providing anywhere near the security that you will need for a successful relationship. We women sometimes get "co-dependent" though, and want to make our guys happy at our own expense. Recognize that this isn't healthy, and though it will be very very hard at first to move forward, you deserve someone who will not make you pick between him and your family, and try to control you in relationships. Good luck.

  • You are obviously a nicer person than me, because I would not even be trying to analyze this guy's comments. These comments are not worth the effort. This guy sounds like a jerk.

    If you love someone, you don't say stuff like "what do you have to offer me?". People who love each other simply like being around each other. If one person is adding up things that the other person can offer, then there is something wrong. Also, saying "I feel like I'm completing you, but you're not completing me" is an arrogant, jerk thing to say. It means that he thinks he is perfect, but he is not satisfied with you. These comments are personal--about you, not your family. He complains about your family too, but he clearly has problems with you that are not related to your family.

    I agree with some of the other commenters, who have said that it isn't a good idea to be with someone who is going to have a problem with your family being around. I don't think everyone has to LIKE their partner's family, but they should not try to pressure their partner into giving up their family.

    So if I were you, I'd stop even thinking about these mean comments and forget about this guy. My advice for the future is, dump a guy any time he starts putting you down. If the guy is normal and has a problem, he will come out and say what the specific problem is (for example, I don't like that you wake me up too early). He won't make sweeping/general statements about you (like, "you don't complete me) that you can't do anything about and that only make you feel bad.

  • So he is asking you to answer two things, how you complete him and if you were to have children together in the future if you can basically disown your family. First of all you shouldn't have to give a guy a reason why you complete him. If you choose to have a family with this man, he can choose to not attend your family functions. I suggest that you both take a break on your relationship and look at it from afar with a clear mind. Don't continue in a relationship where you have to keep giving him excuses to stay with him or have to choose between him and your family. That is a terrible ultimatum for him to place on you. Perhaps he should answer what is it about him that completes you can if he can have and extended family without being a part of his family.

  • You analyzed it quite right. He is a jerk. Trust your inner instinct.

    • But even if my instincts were right. How come I give him a reason that it's okay and I give him a reason that maybe he wasn't really like that. Or He can't be like that because I know the other side of him.

      But then my friend said it doesn't matter guys are always going to be guys. .i'm just totally lost at the moment.

    • Whilst I think that your instinct is useful and telling you something important. Never put your life in its hands.

      You already are going the right way by gathering peoples thoughts and considering different ways of looking at this. You will find the right solution (which granted may be he's a jerk lol).