How do I stop being so needy?

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over a year now. We've had our ups and downs, but we always stuck with each other and talk to each other. We would give each other spontaneous kisses, hugs, touches or sappy words, but as of a couple months ago he just sort of stopped. I still give him hugs and reach out to touch him, but he does not do the same, unless I ask for one. I never once thought he was losing interest in me, but I was confused as to what his lack of affection meant. I asked him about this recently and he told me, he just doesn't feel like he needs to, because I already knew he loves me. I asked him if he already felt that he was in the phase of the relationship where he felt comfortable just being around me and he asked me if that was so wrong. I don't think it is wrong, but somehow it makes me feel lonely that he doesn't feel the need to be as affectionate with me anymore. I don't like feeling this way, because it has caused me to get upset multiple times now and I feel like I'm being a bother by asking him to touch me or give me a hug so often. What can I do to make myself feel better without bothering him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Married dude here, in a 7+ year relationship...

    I don't think you need to stop being so needy. I think he needs to understand that affection is something you respond to, so he should try to supply you with it to make sure your love tank is full. If he cares about your feelings and really loves you he should want to do this to make you happy. But this isn't something you should take advantage of and nag him about... because you also have to understand that he just expresses love different than you do. So when he doesn't hug or get affectionate as much as you, its not something to be bothered about.

    It's just a difference in your's and his' make up. Me and my wife have the same thing going on (Shes an extreme cuddler, hugger, and anything else affectionate that you can think of. I'm not). But by me stepping out of my comfort zone and showing her that I love her in the way *she* understands it (affectionate) it goes along way. So I don't think you need to change anything about yourself (from what you described anyways). It just ounds like you two have to understand more about each other.


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