Anyone here inexperienced with dating? How did you move on and meet new people after suddenly becoming single?

Nobody plans for these sort of things. One day you might find yourself feeling comfortable with your spouse of some years, the next day you might find yourself parting ways.

Hi everyone,

I'm just a normal, everyday person who has no clue how to date or where to meet new people. You might think of me as a late bloomer, (just not the fedora neckbeard type of person), because I was simply happy with myself and trying to get my life into order before getting involved with anyone. My first and relationship ever, of a couple of years, ended on a sour note a long time ago. I'm nearly thirty years old and very intimated by the dating scene. Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks a bunch.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Pretty simple. When you see someone you are interested in ask them on a date... use this approach.

    • I have to say this beats my usual lines.

      Cute nurse at my new doctor's practice? No problem!

      "Baby, put down that blood pressure cuff and use that bariatric one instead."

      -"Ummmm, why?"

      "Because my arms are totally jacked after working on at the gym this morning. Boo-yeah!"

      Oh wait, even better - Cue attractive woman walking up to order drinks nearby. (This is a rare occurrence. I generally don't go clubbing or bar hoping.)

      "Hey, do you want to have sex?"

      -"What? Sorry, no!"

      "Well come to my place!"

      The worst part is that I'm tall, lanky, and not jacked in the slightest... Yet I can sometimes be some sort of Johnny-Bravo. Oh god, I'm horrible at this, haha.

    • Haha nice! Yeah try it out. It seems to simple to be effective but the shit really works better than any other approach.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • My advice: Don't do it!!! Lol. No, but really, do activities you enjoy in social settings so you meet women with the same desires and hobbies as you.

    • Oh geez, sometimes I tell myself nearly the same thing, haha.

    • Relationships are kinda whack. I will admit that I'm in a self-centered time in my life but I believe we shouldn't have to change ourselves to be with the person/people we love.

  • You need to just focus on yourself and become comfortable with being single. Do things that make you feel confident. I found getting my hair done, shopping, getting my nails done made me feel better about myself. also exercising makes me feel on top of the world. once you are confident and happy you will naturally attract guys to you. Go with the flow and stop looking for it. guarantee it works!

    • Sounds good.

      Looks like I can add another positive checkmark of the things I'm doing right. I've actually been celibate for well over a year now, something I think few people are comfortable doing. And I feel content with myself and my life. Putting myself out there and into the world to meet new people is just something I would enjoy and not something I feel is necessary.

  • i think you should just lay low for now, hang out to friends/family and get over what's just happened to you and when you're ready to enter a new relationship it'll happen just relax for now

  • The best advise I ever got was put yourself out there without the intention of finding a new partner. Join a rec team, take a class, or volunteer. That way, not only are you meeting new people but you're learning more about yourself and building up your confidence.

    Honestly you should be able to tell yourself confidently, that you don't need a need a relationship, but you want one. Not to fill some empty space in your life, but to enrich and build upon it.

    • Sounds good.

      Looks like I can write down a little checkmark on a list of things I'm actually doing right. What you're describing matches up with my lifestyle of the past few years.

What Guys Said 4

  • I tried Tinder. I don't look good or have muscular body, in fact Im short and i think im below average looking :P
    but I got about 20~30 girls in who were interested in me in two days. it's few comparing to other hot dudes but is more than enough for me.

    I had couple dates scheduled with 5 girls, but decided to go out with just one so I could focus on one girl at a time. On the first date, she and I had such a great time, I can tell it was successful by the way she smiled and her body postures, and we scheduled the 2nd date on this Saturday for a movie.

    I'm like you, Im new to all these dating and still figuring it out so hard. And I don't really think if I should be answering your question since I don't know how things will go, but try Tinder, say that you are looking for a relationship, say something nice to your match. (Not like, "dang you got some nice tits, girl.")

  • I'm a late bloomer too.

    You need to put yourself in situations where you can meet people who you will want to date. E. g. take up certain activities, join social clubs where you are likely to meet the person you're looking for. Take every social opportunity you can get, if you're friends that are going out for the tonight, go out with them you'll never know when you'll meet someone you like.

    • Thanks for the constructive advice.

      What are some of the social opportunities you've found? Right now I seem a bit lost. I look through community functions in the paper, posted on the local library or coffee shops, I wander around aimlessly and sight-see but that's about it.

      As for friends...

      Right now I have some rather loose ties. My job is like fightclub - you simply do not talk about it with anyone. I've moved several states away from all of my current friends, I'm going to continue moving to new areas around in the country in the near future, I'm sure you get the picture.

    • Tough to establish good prelationships if you aren't outgoing and you are constantly moving. Join clubs for recreational and work related activities. Settling down in one place helps.

    • So you are constantly on the move due to your job? That makes it difficult. But it also means that every-time you move you automatically get a new set of colleagues to work with? This can present new opportunities itself.

      I've also moved to a new place 2 years ago. It's been difficult starting up without knowing anyone here. For me currently, my room-mates have been really awesome and I'll often go out with them or go out with their friends for a night out. I've also made some friends through a local sporting club (not necessarily ones that will help me meet women but friends nonetheless). Another good but often neglected method is online dating. It was a last ditch option for me, but so far its actually worked out really well. I go on at least 1-2 dates/week and have met some really interesting people through it. Just keep your options open and try to establish a good social network. Hopefully you'll meet someone soon.

  • be good looking or have money is the way to meet people

    • Have money to meet people! Seriously?

    • There's a German word which describes a broad sense of dread about life in general and the human condition. I'm not familiar with this website, but I believe you have a very strong preoccupation about yourself and appearances to the point of searching for reasons to talk about it. We cannot change our appearances - all that much - so I sincerely hope you feel some comfort or acceptance about the things you cannot change in the life. Having said that, I used to be angst-y like this way back when. It does get better and it gets better through actual life experiences.

      I refuse to flaunt money around and overcompensate. I already feel like a lot of women view men as nothing more than a disposable commodity. Those women are jerks I want nothing to do with them, let alone try to lure in that kind of negative personality.

  • i'm sort of like this