How much time should I give my boyfriend to change things around?

We started talking in October, met online. Made it official December 1st. He is the best guy ever, he treats me well, calls me beautiful, he's a real gentleman. He is also my first boyfriend ever, and we both love each other.

Today my mom addressed her concerns, which I HAVE SEEN, but looked past because of the way he treats me so well.

So here's the problem. Age difference doesn't matter but he is 31, drives but not on highways, and he won't drive in bad weather, or if he doesn't know the route. He also lives at home but only to help his younger 22 disabled brother. My boyfriend is basically like a 3rd pattern.

He also has some quirks, and doesn't have the best table manners but that can be worked on.

I see the problems, and issues but I don't want to break up with him. And I know he can't provide for me yet either cause he has no job. I'm 26 though, I have a part-time, and live at home cause I don't have enough income.

This guy is a good person but there is a lot he needs to work on, and I do love him, and he lives me.

So this all comes to my question, if I stay with him, how long should I give him to change? I did address my concerns to him too, before my mom even talked to me, I might add, and he wants to change mostly for me and then for himself.

Any tips or suggestions would be a great help. Thanks.

  • 1-3 months
    Vote A
  • 4-6 monts
    Vote B
  • 6 months or more
    Vote C
  • Give him all the time he needs
    Vote D
  • I know it's hard but you should end it before you're in too deep.
    Vote E
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I ended it tonight. Somehow I am actually okay.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Finding a job should be a priority for him, but it can be hard for him to find one pending on various factors; college degree & how long it's been since he was last employed for example. Him taking care of his disabled brother is also going to play a role in his jobhunting... reads across as though he has to make time for him (possible specific times at that).

    I agree with @NerdInDenial that if he does it for you and not for himself, it could cause friction and lead to issues within the relationship. If he makes the changes, great... as long he's doing it for himself and not just because it's what you want.

    • How would I approach him about that? I see 1-3 months would be the best time frame, how would I go about doing that?

    • You see 1-3 months as a good time frame? Are you wanting him to get even a minimum-wage job he may not be comfortable with? Maybe add three months to that timeframe...

      But I noticed your other comment below about wanting him to spend less time taking care of his brother. What condition is his brother in that requires care exactly?

    • Oh I meant according to the results above, everyone thinks that's the best. I want him to get some kind of job, doesn't need to be a career off the bat, that's hard. His brother is autistic.

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What Guys Said 2

  • What about him do you think should be changed? The lack of employment , the table manners , his caring for his brother? Not enough details pertaining to what you expect/ hope to see improved

    • Yes to all of that. Him caring for his brother should lessen a bit. I haven't told him this, but I think he needs to stop acting like a third parent and think for himself, do things for himself and grow. But as a girlfriend I shouldn't be the one teaching him these things like table manners, it's not my job. He should know it. And I understand he had a hard time growing up. I don't know after my mom discussed these things with me further, I am more worried and nervous about what's best for my future, and if he is best for me. I love him I do, no guy has ever treated me so well as he treats me, I'm the best thing in his life currently (he keeps telling me this), his happiest days are with me. Now after saying that, kinda seems like I am his whole life, and he needs a life outside of me too.

  • He needs to change for himself and not for you; otherwise, it's not going to work. He definitely needs to find work. That should be priority one.


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