Is it true that if a guy loves a woman, he will commit to her no matter what?

My whole dating life, I have had one guy commit to me. I don't know how or why. He was amazing, a famous sportsman in his country and extremely good looking. I was a nerdy girl, simple and yes beautiful but hardly aware of it or cocky about it. However, besides him.. no guy has ever wanted to get into a relationship stage with me, usually I let them know straight up that all I want is something that can lead to something more and I don't mess around. Most of course drop it and then there are the few who genuinly seem interested. They are consistent, text me regularly, make plans, flirt, compliment, get close, share personal things, and basically invest in the pursuit. This sometimes lasts 3 months, 6 months or so much as a year. But when it comes down to defining it, they always say they don't want anything. I am a big believer of the fact that if a man REALLY likes you, he will commit. meaning, no guy has ever really liked me (even when some have said they loved me). I swear, no red flags and yet.. I'm not the one for them. I don't want to ever fall in love again and I might start casually dating just to satisfy myself really. I have never done it before but I definitely won't invest in anything anymore since the next guy won't commit to me either and I am saying this after the process of self-improvement, introspection, asking exes etc. But isn't it true? That when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, it just means with that particular girl? Why do guys even bother investing in something they don't really want anyway? Especially if they know the girl won't sleep with them unless she is in a relationship? I just want to understand what has been happening. I know I can't get a guy for something serious and I have never been interested in messing around but I think its all I have a chance at so I'll just go for that. P. S I'm social, beautiful (everyone says it), kind and intelligent, ambitious, independent, goofy and down to earth. I'm a regular person


Most Helpful Girl

  • You my dear are what they call a nice girl and just like nice guys, they sometimes finish last, unfortunately. Well... except me , every guy i date wants me to commit before I'm ready. Except the one i really want. Same for you?

    • Hmm don't know, I don't give many guys a chance. Especially not anymore, the guys I don't like are interested but I don't know if they would commit to me in the end. Because tbh, most of the guys who rejected me were nice guys. The guys I don't want, may think they like me but I think they probably wouldn't commit to me either if we went through the whole dating thing.

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    • Possibly but that doesn't explain why if they do make their level of interest clear , why is it that they still don't commit? So that leads me to believe something else is going on. The guy i very much want a relationship with did initiate first but then became indifferent after me showing interest back. Perhaps i was too eager. I don't know. And each time i think its over, he draws me in again. So its not that i want unavailable men or even a challenge, i just sense something more is going on that i don't quite understand yet.

    • You give him an ego boost, when he knows he can have you.. that is when he is showing you quite clearly that he doesn't actually want you or he would be excited to have your attention. How old are you? I'm 26, trust me mixed signals means a guy just doesn't like you... let it go. You're letting his behaviour signals play with your mind. Try to see it as an outsider and you'll get it. And with me, yeh I don't know what it is but I do know they never like me. Its ok, i'm done trying to figure this out. Its happened 99% of the times.. so I should accept no guy will ever like me enough to want a relationship with me. Its ok, I hope to find someone else who is the same and hope we can be bestfriends and have a family. I really want kids and I beleive kids should have a family. I think many people do it. I think its ok to do that... guys dont think im worth committing to. You don't have that so you'll be fine, find someone who likes you 100% of time and not 50% ;)

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What Guys Said 4

  • it could be a hit or miss when a guy says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, some guys just like to have fun and that's all they care about for the moment, and having fun to them could be just wining and diming you, not anything else.

    • Meaning he doesn't like her enough...

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    • I kind of do. I have had a decade's worth of dating life and this has always happened. Even when it seemed promissing. So I do know, guys have never liked me. The one lesson I have learned is that guys never like me. Meaning I can't be bothered, so if any guy asks me out.. I don't even take it seriously because I know he will do all the right things and bail anyway. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe, but at this point I kind of have a right to think like that. Its just not worth investing in for me. Especially to realise no single guy ever wanted to commit to me? To have a relationship with me? That is a real blow to one's self-esteem and self-worth

    • I see the way you came to how you are now, it makes sense. the self-fulfilling prophecy, preconceived notions, its a bad habit to practice in life, but then again it makes sense why you give in because you haven't had the greatest results and a streak of negativity, according to yourself. ehh it is hard for a person to stay optimistic in your position but I believe it is still worth giving the effort if it is something you truly value. never giving up is a human trait that will never be overlooked or found unattractive in an individual. what I would say to you is that there is hope and hope it kindle. but it all starts with you since it is your life, you make the decision on what you want to do with your life, not others. If you are willing you will find a way, if you are not willing you will find an excuse.

  • Sure we do, if we're really into that person. If there's a genuine connection and I feel like I've found my best friend then it's totally possible.

    • Yeh exactly what I meant :)

  • unless a woman cheat's on him or treat's him like garbage.

    • No I always had a click with the guys I invested in or I wouldn't have bothered. We had a real connection, both made equal efforts and then we would get towards something more and they always bailed. It always left me surprised, wondering why they left if it was so perfect. What I really hate is that there were never even any red flags, just a healthy situation and them moving on.

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    • that does seem rather strange. what type of guys do you tend to go for?

    • Hmm they all differ but the one thing they all have in common is that they are a bit shy, I like slightly shy guys. Besides that, they have a good sense of humour which is really important to me because I have a great sense of humour too. One thing I have to admit is that most of them are regular guys but do get noticed by girls. They just never focus on the other girls and go after me, acting very interested but they don't commit to me or want a relationship. Hmm what else, thats about it really... they all differ from each other except for the shyness.

  • No, I learned my lesson, love is blind so it's better to keep your feet on the ground.

    • What do you mean love is blind? And what lesson? Dating websites etc all say the same thing, if a guy isn't committing to you, its because he doesn't want t be with you and probably enjoys your company. This basically means you're not good enough right? Wouldn't a guy fight the odds and try to be with a girl if his feelings for her were genuine?

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    • Yes you are right, they know I'll have sex if there is something solid there. Nor do I think its wrong, its also practical, what if I get preggers? I would prefer it if its with someone I know well enough. But the main reason is that I don't want to get used. I have had a rebound once and I must say it was so much better than dealing with any of the guys I actually liked. Its part of the reason why I think I'm better off without love. Anyway, I wish I was still hopeful and willing to search for true love but I'm not. I have learned from the past and I just know in my heart and soul that I'll never be lucky enough to find love. Every single guy has been like this. I just wanted to make sure my theory was correct and guys really never did like me, don't get why they faked it though..

    • It's necessary to bullshit women, they're more complicated so you have to fake the appropriate feelings and behaviors. Anyway, you're not alone in the struggle so don't feel singled out and not good enough, most people are in the same boat. Women see a guy they like, believe his bullshit and get heartbroken, men go through the exact same thing.

What Girls Said 1

  • Not that I like to put a time limit on it, but if I'd dated a guy for 4 months and he's said nothing about a label I'd leave it non serious and date other people too.

    I think the issue where you are is you're talking to guys who you have little to no connection with, and telling then in 'insert time frame' you want commitment. Men don't like to think that way, men like freedom or at least to feel like they are free. You can't force feelings or commitment, I think those guys don't like the fact you're trying to rush them from the get go. That creates unnecessary pressure.

    Is there a reason why you can't just date to enjoy dating and if it gets somewhere/more serious then it does. I would advice dating multiple people.

    • Nah.. I'm basically easy going. If they show interest and ask me, I tell them I don't mess around. I leave it to them and mirror their behaviour. I never push, unless it starts going somewhere. Even then I don't, I just ask. They usually give the expected answer and I walk away, without ever bothering with them again. Some come back, but girls move on once they do. I also doubt they come back really feeling regret, maybe its just for an ego boost.

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