He loves me and wants to be together but isn't sexually attracted to me?

Last month, My boyfriend of two years revealed to me recently that he is no longer sexually attracted to me. He explained that he loved me and wanted to be with me, but his attraction toward me had dimished. Essentially, I have gained nearly 20lbs and have not been as active as I once was, which I was aware of at the time. I made a commitment to him to focus on my health, even though I was devastated by his words.

That was a moth ago and I have been more active and lost five pounds. I confronted him about his attraction level to which he informed me still did not exist. The second time around was harder to hear than the first. He told me he did not want to break up, that I was the best GF he'd ever been with and that he loved me. I am still heartbroken and I'm not sure how to move forward.

If he has a problem with how I look now, will he ever find me attractive again? And really, should I stick it out with someone who is probably disgusted with me when I'm naked?

He looks the same...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I understand why you feel devastated. But I also think you should look on the bright side here. He was honest with you, he still loves you, cares about you and wants to be with you. I know you want to feel sexy, but isn't the other stuff more important?

    It has been a month, you've been active and you have lost 5 of the 20 pounds. That's an excellent start. If you can maintain that kind of willpower, then you will soon be in the best shape of your life.

    You need to keep in mind that not being sexually attracted to you does not mean that he thinks you are disgusting looking when you're naked.

    My advice to you is to keep doing what you're doing. There's no guarantee that he will become attracted to you, you should keep trying anyways. It will be worth it in the end regardless of whether the relationship lasts, because even if you break up you will be in great shape and your next boyfriend will think you're sexy. But give the guy a chance at least. He didn't dump you because you gained weight, I don't think you should dump him for being honest.


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What Guys Said 3

  • This guy seems to be too confused, but still he was being quite rude and heartless with what he said. There are much better ways to put across the message.

    Sorry to say this, but if he can't accept you for what you are, in spite of you making efforts to reduce weight, then it's time to reconsider if you'd want to continue the relationship or not.

  • Right, listen, calm down and don't panic. You can completely turn this around EASILY, it isn't just about your weight, I promise you this. But firstly work towards losing the weight, 5lb in a month is ok but nothing great, my wife has lost 35lb since Christmas for example, so eat better and move more.

    Secondly, what is your daily routine like? Do you go on nights out, see friends regularly? Are you doing things for yourself? Are you motivated in general? Start taking more if an effort with your hair and makeup, have a friend give you a makeover, buy some new outfits, Sexy ones, but don't give him any attention, its for YOU not him!!
    Then, get out more, go on nights out without him, come home late, increase your self confidence and self worth, see if his attitude doesn't change.

    Once people have been together a while we 'settle' we are all guilty of it, I experienced a very similar situation with my wife recently in fact, I was feeling the same as your man, so my wife went on a diet, started working on her appearance, we even overhauled our stale sex life and tried swinging, she went and slept with other men which made me crave her and want her like never before, and we now have an open relationship and are happier than ever, our boring stale sex life is now like something you'd read in 50 shades! I can't get enough of her, and all it took was her making a few steps to improve hherself and become an attractive, confident, independent women again :)

  • How does he look compared to when you first dated?


What Girls Said 2

  • Some people can be only attracted to another romantically or sexually, it doesn't have to be both. I guess it depends on the relationship that you wish to have but if you still love him and he still loves you then I don't see anything wrong with it. You could try a more open relationship and allow both of you to see other's for sexual reasons, but it doesn't seem like you'd like that idea?

  • I'm not sure what to tell other than talk to him about how this has made you feel

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