My parents are pressuring me to marry, I have given up on love anyway. How should I approach this?

So these two things connect but are independent of each other in some ways. I have always had heartbreak and rejection. No guy has ever wanted to commit to me, I have already posted questions on that topic before and basically it doesn't make sense. Guys seem commited, no red flags but they never really want to get serious with me. So I gave up on love because I no longer have the capacity to take the risks and heartbreak in order to potentially meet someone. My experiences have also programmed me to think every single guy who dates, pursues me etc will eventually bolt when we head towards a relationship. I am beautiful (hot as guys like to say), fashionable (classy as most people say), intelligent (PhD), social (many friends from around the world), goofy (have a great sense of humour and am witty), down to earth (I am extremely compassionate) and easy-going. Of course I have flaws and yes perhaps very little self-esteem left since no guy has ever considered me worth being in a relationship with (except one). At the same time, my parents want me to meet someone and settle down.This is perhaps because they see I can't get anyone and am always single so they want me to meet someone and marry young. Tbh at this point,I don't mind that since I don't want to fall in love anyway. But I still have difficulty with the whole situation. How should I learn to be more happy about it all?I want to marry because I have always wanted children and i want to give them a family.So I want to marry a guy who is the same as me, wants a partnership but not necessarily marrying for love.P.S I know it sounds sad to all you romantics.But plenty of people settle down for reasons other than love,I have had an open heart, soul and mind for years.So the chances of finding someone now when I gave up is probably nil and I don't want it anyway anymore.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Take life slow and don't deal with your parents. It takes a lot of time to get confidence back about love and if it's real or if you'll ever be loved. Have an open mind and try to have a positive outlook on life, I don't know if I believe this considering my love life is non existent but I've seen many relationships where people aren't looking for love and one day, whether it's when they're 25 or 50 years old, love falls into their laps. Don't just marry for other reasons, if you don't find someone who you truly love and who has the audacity to love you back then don't marry them. Life is amazing and should be cherished, I know it horribly sucks sometimes but when you find the right person and have kids or something, life suddenly becomes brighter and it's 100% worth it.

    • You're wise for a 17 year old but you are also optimistic. Not everyone finds love, I agree I have many friends who have had it happen to them. I gave up 2 years ago, a guy kept chasing me so I gave it a chance and he did the same thing they all do. It only reinforced my earlier belief that not guy will stick by me. Its ok, they probably can do better. And I really want children especially while I'm not too old. I don't want to have a sperm donor and other things, I want to have a partner because I always believed I would meet someone, fall in love and get married and have kids. If love isn't happening, why give up on everything? I still want children, i love children. I don't want them to be fatherless, I hope i at least marry someone who can be a good friend. I just don't know how to be happier about it rather than sad. I want to increase my acceptability of my situation and reality

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    • I had your mindset for years, but getting hurt has ruined me. It has shown me how I'm not worth a relationship for a guy, meaning they don't like me enough. It has given me a low self-esteem, it makes me cry every day, it makes me feel sad to be alive, it makes me realise how I am not worthy of romantic love, it shows me that no guys could ever like me enough. Its not worth the fight, it has taken every bit of confidence I took years to build up. It has left me with nothing. Not worth it.

    • I'm going to tell you something, I'm a hypocrite. Everything I've been telling you and giving you amazing advice comes from my counselor side, which is what I want to be when I grow up. I'm not an optimistic person at all, I don't really believe in love because every relationship around me is sad, is always fighting, and I don't ever want that because I'm scared. I know what it's like to feel like you're nothing, like you're not worth it but I've come so far and now I believe that everyone is. But you are worthy of love, don't let the fact you think no one wants you (which is probably a lie :) ) to be why you aren't confident anymore. You probably don't know it but there might be a guy who sits in a coffee shop and at like 8:22 am everyday he sees this beautiful women walk past, and that's you. It could happen and you never know. Just believe that things can go your way, that things are going to be alright and when the bad stuff hits, it won't seem bad.

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