Why am I struggling in approaching girls please?

Hello, I was wondering how to overcome my fears of approaching girls. I'm almost 21, and still does not have enough guts to go toward a girl and say simply a "hi" so easily. It is really frustating at this point in my life, since obviously if I do not overcome that step there will never be a girlfriend in my whole life.
I did mention a girlfriend, but since I've never gone out with girls even as friend I don't really think I'll be able to have a girlfriend at this point in my life.

As for my romantic life, it can be sum up to only two words - "total failure".
I am having huge difficulties to approach girls, I always feel to be judged. I have a low self-esteem, and I really don't know how to do to overcome such issues.

I've tried to go to the gym, and I've been seen some improvements in my overall life. Well, the gym allowed me to be a little more happier than usually, and also to get in shape. However, it did not get rid of my self-esteem issues..so it is difficult to me to approach girls.

As times passes, I feel sad more and more everyday. Also, it becomes more difficult to me to overcome such problems as I grow up.

Well, maybe I'm one of those persons who will end his life alone and that never lived fully his life.

Please, take your time for reading and try as much as you can to help me out.

Your replies matter a lot for me.

Thank you in advance.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just as @StickStickity13 said, you need to learn how to swim first. If you want faster results, you have to start small.

    First you have to get out of your head, which I know might not seem easy at first. You have to desensitize to whatever people think of you, girls or not.

    To do this you can start by having quick chats with cashiers, waiters, salesmen, mostly working people who often have to be nice as part of their job. Then you keep on doing it, keeping it very light-hearted, simple and rather short, but move on female cashiers, waitresses, etc. Do it ESPECIALLY if you don't find them attractive. You don't have to have complicated conversations, just simple stupid small talk about your town's hockey/football team, the news or whatever small talk. Focus on being positive and light. After a while you'll get a sense that you can do these things with random people.

    A few years ago, long before stuff like Simple Pickup, PUA stuff and such were popular, I did challenges with my brother, just for fun. We were both kind of shy. We went and say hi to the most girls possible, without over-thinking, a bit like when you see some homeless people randomly asking change to everyone in the street. Every time we approached a girl/woman, we counted it as a goal, as if it was a football game.

    The first approach sounded like "Hey... I huh... huh..." and the girl walked away. The second was more like "Excuse me, you look really cute, and huh... I'd loikk to g.. get to know..." - "Sorry, I'm married"
    It went on like this, and by the 7th or 8th girl, my brother and I were just having massive fun, it was so liberating and we didn't give a single fuck anymore.
    At some point my brother succeeded in taking a very cute girl's email, but I'm sure he could have had her number with some more courage.

    The point of this is not to turn yourself into a "Pickup artist" (unless that's what you want, but only get to the deep understanding that it's not a big deal at all.

    Good luck

    • Actually, I do not have much difficulty to talk to a cashier, waiter, salespersons, and so on.. if we stay in the basics of a simple "hi" and "I would like to order, purchase..". In fact, I don't know what else I can talk with them since they are older than me, and probably have different interests than me. The hardest part is to talk to girls that are around my age.

      Regarding guys, it is much easier to talk to them no matter how old they are. But girls in the same range of my age are so hard to reach. Words won't come out around girls.

      Unfortunately, I can't make the same challenge as your brother and you since I have nobody to push me to do so. I'm glad that it has worked for both of you though ^^

      Thanks anyways :)

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What Guys Said 4

  • You're focusing too much on attaining a girlfriend which overall makes you build up the girl in your head and deem her "unapproachable".

    If you think of it as a friendly encounter and don't even think of her as a possible girlfriend, the approach would be easier.

    • Even if I imagine her as a simple friend, it is also difficult to me to approach her. I've tried several techniques, and yet nothing have work.

  • Your problem is you're jumping into the deep end without learning how to swim. Messing up and getting rejected is apart of learning. 95% of men probably get rejected at least once, so you really shouldn't take it too seriously. My suggestion is just practice talking to girls WITHOUT a romantic desire. Just ask her how she is and if she's cold move on, if she talks keep it going.

    • If I was able to do as you said, I wouldn't be as depressed as I am actually.

  • The only person that should be judging you is yourself. You try, you fail, you figure it out. Think of it like it's an adventure.

    • Believe me, I repeat that sentence many times in my head but something that is hard to define prevents me to take action. Something that prevents me to go forward in my life.

    • You have to muster up a little courage and just do it. It's OK to plan what you're going to say and just say it. As a male it's you're role to initiate the conversation. It doesn't matter if you fail.

    • Thank you, I'll try my best to stop thinking negatively. Instead, I'll do my best to take the risk.

  • The best tip I can give you is this: Confidence is mainly in your body language. If you learn to carry yourself the right way, you might sum up the courage to approach. Maybe girls will even approach you. This is one of those 'fake it until you make it' things. If you have great posture, you walk like you are worth looking at and you start to move with purpose, you will not only show confidence but you will probably start to feel it. I know the difference body language can make. I'm still in this process right now, and it is not an easy one, but you have to go through it because it makes all the difference in the world. Don't give up.

    • Confidence is probably my main issue. I've been in serious troubles during my childhood which probably made me the way I am actually. I've tried many things to get back my confidence level, however I wasn't able to get it back. So, here I am having a low self-esteem, and finding even more difficult to talk to girls.

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