What a slap in the face?

So my fiancé and I are fighting. Today we were at a family party. His cousin was introducing his new gf and when they get to my fiances mom he says right in front of his me his fiancé this is my #1 women my mom and then just says and this is my fiancé and says my name. It took me q minute to register because u was thinking there was no way hr seriously said I was his second best right in front of me but sure enough I heard right. I was really hurt that he would say that in front of me. We live together share everything and are about to get married and I'm not his #1 women? Like not only does that hurt me it is embarrassing to my women hood that he said that in front of all these people. I feel like its a slap in the face. I was trying to let it go but I just couldn't and later on that night my built up hurt came out when my fiance asked me to cuddle with him in bed and i snapped and said I don't know I mean wouldn't you rather cuddle with your mommy after all she is your number one women and we were off with the arguing. I mean yes I know that was an immature way to handle my hurt but like I said I was holding it in and it cake out. How can I maturely talk to him about it in the morning without a fight?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry to say this but to many, our mom is the #1 woman in our life. You don't have to necessarily be a mamma's boy, but she did raise you for a great part of your life so of course she's going to mean a lot to you. He shouldn't of said you were his #2, that was a mistake by his part, but i really don't agree with you getting angry with him for loving his mom. You mean a lot to him, but sadly a mother will always hold a place that can't be surpassed by anybody. If i were you i would apologize for acting the way you did, and explain to him how it made you feel, maybe he will be able to avoid any more hurtful comments like that.

    • A mom can't carry your child. How come a mom can surpass a serious gf/wife but it can't work the other way around?

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    • See that I agree with. Thats literally all I was trying to say but I got crucified for it. Like he could have easily said to his cousins gf these are my number one women not just pick one and leave me feeling like crap in front of all these people.

    • You're not wrong for feeling the way you did, but there could have been better ways to confront him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I find it too that he 'Slapped you in the face' with Mom and his remark Of-----#1 woman. He never even mentioned You, a Soul mate, whom he boards with and beds down with and someone whom you are supposedly making long terms with, and with This, Yes, I find he humiliated you with and right in front of bro's newbie and this made you look like you had egg on your face, as Mother hen stood there, a crown on her Own... Crown.
    Maybe this is an eye opener that you should take to your heart and not to the alter... not just yet anyway. Do some soul searching. Think to yourself of what kind of relationship he has with Mommy Dearest. Is he a Mommy's boy? Is he going to drop everything Every day and rush over to her every time the phone rings or she comes a calling for her sonny boy? Don't be so fast to
    I married a man out in Egypt who I learned real quick was Mama's First born baby boy. He put our marriage second, me 'Second' as well, and Her in front of me and Us whenever she would come ringing and hollering. I called him a "Gopher" that would run for this and run for that and knew he would never leave her side until the day she died.
    Good luck. xx


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What Guys Said 7

  • Mom is ALWAYS #1 No other woman could ever take that place, no matter how much I love her. You should not be offended. It should have been endearing. You seem bratty and superficial by that, and I think your fight was pointless and stupid.

    • Why? Can your mother carry your child? No. Carrying your child your own child us a huuuuuuuugeee deal. I feel bad for your wife if she is akways going to be second fiddle to your mom. That is going to be one in happy marriage. It reminds me of that shoe everybody loves Raymond where Raymond's poor wife has to deal with all the bs where Raymond refuses to be a man and put his wife first and stand up for her. Ever hear of leave and cleave? A man and a women is supposed to grow up and start a family of their own and put them first. No that doesn't mean that you stop loving and caring for your parents but that they take a back seat now to the family you are creating as a normal healthy adult

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    • You clearly lack the capacity for introspection so I will just deem this a lost cause.

    • Ouch any other insults you wanna throw my way? And I'm the one who overreacted. Oooookkk

  • Wow really that's what cause the fight? So you basically mad that he holds hid mother about you? Sorry to say but that's very childish and if it were me I'd honestly be rethinking the marriage (not that I'll ever get married) if something so insignificant upsets you enough to cause a fight. It's his mother for crying out loud. I'd understand if it was a women who wasn't a family member, but that wasn't the case. My advice is to swallow your pride and apologize because he did nothing wrong.

    • That's exactly my point we are about to get married and I am carrying his kid and I'm not his number one women. I could see if we were dating a year not living together not serious it being a big overreaction but considering the circumstances I don't think it is at all. Yes I agree I handled it immaturely and I will apologize for that but no I will not apologize for my feelings on the subject as I stand by my original statement in that I should be his number one. He is basically slapping me across the face in front of everyone by saying I'm not his number one. Even my father when I told him was like wow that's soooo rude I love you very much and you are my daughter but I expect darn well that the man who is going to be the father of your child who you are settling down with and starting a family with is going to be the number one man in your life and that is how it should be. A child grows up and their main priorities switch

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    • How does that work though? Doesn't number one mean the best the favorite? Why couldn't he say these two women are both my number one why did he have to pick just one

    • Am I talking to a child? You just really asked how does that work? Let's see it's call being a family. See you see it has him start a new family of his own, but that isn't the case. He already has a family and is just adding to that family meaning you and the child. You see you three as separate, but you're not.

  • If you really had a great relationship with your mother, it's really difficult to remove her from the #1 best women in his life since she's been there since he was just a little sperm swimming towards the egg.
    He's been more years with his mother than what he's been with you, probably double, I would even say triple.

    • Quality over quantity. It doesn't matter how long he has known her for. We ate about to get married that is a huuuuge deal. We are having a kid together to me there is no bigger bond then creating a kid together. Yes obviously no matter how old you get you should always love and care for your parents but the roles naturally fey altered when one grows up and starts their own family. A guy has to start recognizing that the women he plans on settling down with should start taking that number one role. Honestly the only women that should be #1 before serious gf/fiance/wife would be if he has a daughter then it is his daughter. I don't deal well with momma boys who can't cut the apron strings once it is necessary. I am carrying his child not his mother.

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    • Yeah exactly I'm practically getting burned at the stake here for my opinion. You would think I said he should never talk to his mother again or she shouldn't be important because he is with me. When I clearly said yes his mother is obviously still very important. All I'm saying is that over time when a guy is settling down with the girl he is going to spend the rest of his life with she should be the number one women. I could understand everyone's point a lot better if I said after one year of dating I should come first. All I mean is that for a relationship to work a man needs to focus primarily on the new family he is creating. It is just a healthy part of life and growing up and a normal mother would want to see her kid growing up into a normal healthy happy functioning adult in which they leave the nest and start focusing on their new family

    • So you're telling me he doesn't give you the attention you need? You clearly agreed to marry him and have a kid with him, so I'm pretty sure you knew you had a great relationship and a happy environment where you could raise your kid. So suddenly this all changed just because he said his mother is his #1 woman?
      You clearly have to work on this, you can't always be the one getting all the attention, it's not gonna happen. You are the one creating the problem here.

  • Apologize for the outburst (even if he doesn't deserve an apology, just address your own immaturity not his). Let him know that you were really hurt and sad that he said that. You really care for him and you just want him to feel the same way about you.

    A lot of the times it's not what you're trying to say that's the problem it's just how you say it that causes fights.

    • I definitely agree I went about it immaturely so I plan on apologizing for that tomorrow. But I'm definitely not apologizing for my feelings especially since like I mentioned I'm carrying his kid

    • No there's no reason to apologize for your feelings. You're hurt because you care about his opinion and he was immature towards you. Just let him know how much his opinion matters to you. If he's the right guy he'll recognize what he did and hopefully will apologize as well for hurting you.

  • You are very mean and you don't know when to compare and when to not.
    In short.. you are childish baby that needs more attention then anyone else.

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    • Get lost. And get lost from his life too.
      I declare you an "mean attention whore". An immature girl in her 20's who doesn't know about her priorities in life. Don't worry you will grow up one day.
      You are just unbelievable and too naive. Probably you don't have good relationship with father or mother or both.
      Like i said... you don't know when to compare and when to not. With whom should you compare and with whom should you not.

      I advice you... girls aren't mommy or daddy freaks isn't it? Go lesbian.

    • And I'm his own fiancé so the own part goes both ways

  • So someone who birthed you clothed you and raised you isn't important I see

    • Woah now you're putting words in my mouth. I never said his. mom isn't important. I just said there is no need to rank the levels of importance in peoples lives. That goes for anyone. It just leads to hurt feelings. Mom and wife/gf/fiance what have you can be just as important as mom but in a different way one isn't better or worse. Obviously mom is special and important because she raised him and as you said birthed and feeded him. Gf/wife/fiance is important because she is there by his side and she can provide him with kids and they are making a life together. If his mom was standing right there and he introduced me as his number one women and I knew she heard I would feel incredibly awkward about that because I know it would probably make her feel bad. Maybe next time re resd what I wrote and you would see that no where did I state his mom isn't important

  • I like how you hashtagged the number 1, lol

    • Is that a joke? You realize a "hashtag" is in fact a number sign right? It means NUMBER, not hashtag... #1 means number one, not hashtag one... This was a joke right? please tell me this was a joke...

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    • You have to be a troll.

    • Nope, the QA is, as well as the other opinions

What Girls Said 1

  • I hate the mama vs wife thing! Tell him you're sorry for the way you reacted but hearing that made you feel like crap and so on...

    • See I knew a women would understand me. I acknowledged I overreacted so I will apologize for that but not for my feelings

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