If your bf were to tell you this, how would you react?

I'm a man who was molested by my stepfather, and it's fucking embarrassing. It fucked me up significantly and I don't and won't talk about it with anyone ever. But I've been seeing someone for a while now and they brought up that they're feeling like I'm not as interested with them as I claim to be because I haven't even groped them yet (been seeing eachother for maybe 2-3months) and I don't know if I'm supposed to make them aware or not. I really don't want to because it's so embarrassing and I don't want them freaking out on me or treating me weird or breaking things off or telling people or treating me like I'm not man enough or psychoanalyzibg me or any of that shit. Advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would feel very honored and happy that he chose to confide in me. I love honesty... I love people being comfortable enough to trust me with personal information and it just makes me feel special and trusted by them. By now you should know this girl well enough to guess how she'd act. Is she caring? If she is then I'm sure she will react positively to the news. I'm a very caring, compassionate person and will definitely not be weird about.

    • You would feel honored and happy to learn that the guy you were with was molested hardcore when he was sixteen? That sounds like bullshit. No offense, but I just can't imagine anyone hearing that and NOT being grossed out and thinking I'm less of a man for that

    • Uhm I don't feel grossed about it no.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You can't keep blaming yourself. You were afraid, we ALL have had times that it was hard to stand up for ourselves. He was a grown man and you were just a teen. You didn't know your strength. Soon you'll realize this and you can let go and let down your emotional barriers.

  • What is there to be embarrassed about? It's not something you could help.

    Everyone has different expectations and definitions of "interested" and if she's not happy with a certain area, just try to explore it a little and be a little more open about it. You don't have to explain yourself and you don't have to tell her or anyone about what happened to you but you also don't have to be embarrassed or assume that everyone is going to psychoanalyze you.

    • I definitely do have to be embarassed. I wasn't some little kid who didn't know what was going on. I was a teenager in Highschool who was too scared to fight back because of the repercussions. That's different and it IS embarrassing

    • No, that's you blaming yourself for an adults decision. A lot of people who were abused tend to do that, a teenager doesn't think like an adult, you're not expected to and teenagers don't make the best decisions. Don't compare a decision you made as a teenager to that of an adult who knew what they were doing was wrong, it's not a weight that you need to put on yourself.

  • you really don't need to tell her, unless you want to and feel you would gain emotional support by telling her.

    • Well what could I tell them instead to get them to stop assuming I'm not interested?

    • a number of things, your depressed or not experienced, just shy if you really do like her if your not interested that's a different story. I just would worry if it doesn't work out you don't want her to have this over your head. just be careful. 2-3 months is nothing. I was with my ex 9 years and there was some stuff i wish i never told him.

    • im sorry that happened to you that mother fucker will rot in hell

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