What do people mean when they say the 'friendzone' doesn't exist?

I don't understand, I always thought the friendzone meant that one person wanted to just be friends and the other wanted more. It's just unrequited love so what do people mean when they say it doesn't exist? Am I missing something or have I misunderstood it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your understanding is one meaning of 'friendzone', sometimes it is instead taken to mean that one person isn't attracted to another because they have had a platonic friendship for some time. That is had they not been friends they might well have found the person attractive, it's having been friends that renders the interested party unsuitable. I think it's plausible that this could happen, people who have grown up together often have an aversion to dating each other just as siblings/relatives do, it's not a huge stretch to suppose that some people may develop a similar aversion to seeing a long term friend romantically.

    The thing is though, when guys use it on here it's generally just the case that the girl isn't attracted to him when they met.


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  • You are correct.

    I've heard people, especially women, say things like, "The friend-zone doesn't exist. No one is owed sex / a relationship", and "The friend-zone doesn't exist. Either a girl likes a guy, or she doesn't". Both of these are non sequiturs. As you say, 'friend-zone' simply means viewing someone as only a friend. The latter statement isn't even correct. Technique is very important in determining whether a man ends up viewed as friend material or sex material. But, people don't like believing that they can be sold to: it makes them uncomfortable.

    • I should add that, even though the former statement is true (albeit a non sequitur), people do confuse thinking oneself entitled to X, with thinking oneself deserving of X and with desiring X. I think it says a lot about the mentality of these people that they would confuse those three things.

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