**loose weight. What I do to keep in shape is instead of walking from room to room is do lunges.
Even if you are as ugly as you think (which I'm doubting!) skinnier guys automaticly have more of a chance with girls.
**Wash your hair once a day if it's still greasy don't use conditioner. Cut your hair shorter.
**As for acne try accutane, I'm on it right now, it supposedly cures acne, everywhere. Just talk to your derm.
**Smile more often and, if you've noticed some of your jokes don't make people laugh (or if only guys are laughing at them) try thinking before you say things.
** when meeting new people, don't open up completly and act like you would if they were your best friend (even if you've gotten to the 'i don't give a f*** about what people say' stage) try being more reserved and working up to your full personality.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
There is hope, you just have to make the effort. Picture this for me, kay? A 50pound overweight girl at 5"6 with acne on her face and back with blackheads everywhere. Dingy blonde hair about waist-length, glasses, and bitten-off nail buds. Not to mention sarcastic as they come.
That was me two years ago. I fixed all of that by doing this and now I am in top physical condition, have too many friends that I know what to do with, in a relationship, and am happy.
1) join a sports team of some sort. For me it was cross country. Running with a team who is depending on you is much more motivating than a treadmill or running by yourself. The exercise will give you endorphants and make you feel happier. Yes there were jokes -- but after I was running circles around them it didn't matter so much.
2) AcneFree - it is the best stuff in the world. Also, put the toner in a spray bottle and put it on that way. And use a washcloth to spread the lotion - so the oils on your fingers don't get back on your face and back and where-ever
3) Use biologue products. The soap and shampoos get rid of grease
4) stay on sites like this :) people are nicer
Yes, I'm still sarcastic as hell (but that's how I like it ^_^) I cut my hair and dyed it (yay!), got contacts, and put nail polish hardener on my nails so I wouldn't chew them.
Best of luck. Wish I could be there to help, I remember how absolutley sh*tty it is. But after its all over, you'll be glad. I wanted to quit alot, oh good god. I wanted to quit everyday. But it was worth it.
All the best buddy, don't loose hope. ((Also, remember Karma. Those people are gonna get it and you'll be free!))
dude, you sound like me about a year ago...you wanna know the secret to being happy? honestly it might p*ss you off until you realize that it is the truth!
shower once or twice a day (I got some greasy hair...i wash my hair with regular shampoo, conditioner, and then baby shampoo and it works)
use toothpaste on your pimples and acne
force yourself to be assertive, it becomes more normal the more you do it
force yourself to talk to girls that you like about being more than friends, and you really do gotta be confident and comfortable
you ain't gotta get rid of your issues but you gotta deal with them, it will make you feel better and it will make people realize that you are trying, but don't tell them about it because it shows them that you are trying to put on a show and it don't work
FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!
NOTHING COMES RIGHT AWAY, BUT AFTER FAKING IT FOR AWHILE IT COMES TRUE AND BECOMES NATURAL! AND STOP PUTING YOURSELF DOWN! LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERYDAY AND TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HANDSOME AND LIST AT LEAST 2 POSITIVE QUALITIES ABOUT YOURSELF...AND I DO MEAN EVERYDAY! I AM WORKING WITH 2 OTHER GUYS THAT ARE IN THE SAME POSITION AS YOU, AND MYSELF, SO I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! PLEASE LISTEN AND ADD ME IF YOU WANT
I don't find looks to be important, but personality is.
I don't consider myself ugly, I'm far from beautiful, but I don't mind who I am. I'm 18 and never been kissed, never been on a date, and I still have my virginity (which I might consider precious...), but because I like myself I've found people who like me. I've been through that whole "I'm ugly and I'll be alone forever" phase, but when I moved I decided I was tired of being what people thought I was, and now I am what I am. I'm me through and through, and there's something about people who are comfortable with themselves and with their flaws that makes people want to talk to you. I know that it isn't an overnight thing, ESPECIALLY if you are still around the same group of people. But if you don't like who you are, you can change and be who you want to be. Typically who you want to be (on the inside) is just hiding, waiting for you to have enough gusto to whip out your true personality. When you truly accept yourself, others will accept you.
A lot of girls are into guys that don't look pretty. Women are not into the same things as we are when it comes to looks so ugly is relative. Women are attracted more to certain types of personalities. I like to say guys are attracted to girls just on looks without caring about personality that's stupid, girls like bad personalities that's stupider. Actually though not all girl are attracted to complete asses. Girls are attracted to confidence. You're a real man, of course your ugly looking its your woman's job to look good. If they want cute they can get a puppy. Girls like a guy who is a bit arrogant in a joking way, not a real way. Girls like a guy who is not afraid to make fun of them and act very comfortable around them even if you feel nervous as hell around them hide that. You may notice that guys who are politicians sucessful lawyers rock stars and athletes get the attention of a lot of women. They get to pick and choose from among a pool of groupies. If you think about it politicians think fast talk fast, they have the audacity to think that they can be in charge and they will try to win over anybody with a passionate argument and big confident smile. Women get high off of that kind of thing. I am not saying be a jerk be dishonest or don't be yourself. But you do have to put on a bit of an act, women are weird like that. Another thing, its a corny bit of advice but Its sort of true. Tell yourself in your mind that the woman who gets you is lucky. That you are the one to be desired to be gotten, to be snagged by some girl who will be proud of her accomplishment even if you wanted to be "snagged"
Listen anyone on this earth has a chance. Even those (cant remember the name) Wolf persons.
Those whos entire body is filled with hair scores.
But yeah can be hard to get into the groove and find some girl who likes you. But you need to be . Happy. Confident. And ready to get hurt.
Update: Well I did it. I went to the gym and spent 45 min on the exercise bike. It really DOES make you feel better about yourself. Almost euphoric! 19 days ago
Keep that up then.
And if you are wondering what I look like, well I'd rather not supply a picture. Just imagine a fat (keep hitting the gym and eat healty.) , acne infested (Depending on how bad it is. wash you face with water everyday and rub it with a towel. Fat sticks to your face and doesn't get washed of when you bath, unless you rub it there. If its worse. Ask the doc for some advice and maybe some products.) , gross looking (well maybe you aint., but you can do something about it. ), greasy(? take a bath?), long haired guy ( I got pretty long hair from time to time.- Maybe try something new. ). There. Satisfied? Lol. (well obvious you aint. So do something about it.)
My thoughts.
You didn't write here to get pity. You wrote to get a kick in the ass to get going.
Girls don't like you? Well give them a reason too. If you gave up and look like a moldy peperoni. Well it ain't no suprise. If you worked out a bit. Got a haircut. Smelled nice. SMiled and got the same results. Well then come cry about it.
But seams your trying now. So keep it up and things will work out.
Okay... Start working towards improving your image. Work out (it seems you've already started, keep at it. Exercise actually does make you feel better about yourself :)) lose that weight, buy some god damn cream, or go and have surgery for the acne if its that severe. Cut your hair, take showers... It's simple stuff bro.
I'm a shy person, I used to have social phobia too. It's a viscous cycle. My classmates were assholes.
Changing location sorted out that problem.
It's going to take time... But lose the self pity and a lot of other problems will go away.
Don't aim to be the Mr super-confident leader man, it's not you. Come to terms with yourself, you're the shy guy. Many are. Who do the leaders lead?... It's not a bad thing... Just stop complaining.
Stop. Every time you feel the need give yourself a slap.
And don't get a hooker! Jesus...
Not that the thought hasn't passed my mind before >_O
Im just saying, make the first girl special.
Contracting some weird disease won't exactly help your chances either...
ok man, listen, yea at 19 kids can be cruel and just jerks...but I'm really not buying all this self pity... you need to learn to love yourself...f*** em...if you don't like the way you look, change it for yourself...not for other kids your age...girls will NOT date a guy who has no confidence in himself and who lets others put him down... it is not hard to change your image...no one is Ugly...if you want to be more attractive start working out, eating healthy, drinking water... go to a dermatologist...i have a friend who had a bad skin condition and he went through years of being ridiculed for his skin...finally he talked to his parents about seeing a dermatologist and he saw a really good one who gave him medication oral and lotion and his skin condition dramatically improved... get a hobby or find something that you are really good at and do it...dont waste away in self pity...if you are unhappy with your weight you need to look at your diet and see what you can change...shower every day and change your hair if you don't like it...maybe you won't see results right away but if you stick with it you will begin to feel a lot better about yourself...and ummm hooker? respect women and go out of your way to be kind and nice to girls...even if you consider yourself ugly...if you go out of your way to smile and be polite, then that will dramatically help you...smile at people who don't like you/you don't like and they won't know what hit them...good luck...but if you don't like something about yourself, you need to try to change it for yourself and not for anyone else
Dude, I feel for you. I really do. I was once like you - I had nothing going for me but sheer force of will to survive and succeed.
Firstly, address the issue of your skin condition. Go private if you must. Trust me, this is the first step to improving your own mental image. Girls don't care that much about looks if everything else about you is awesome, but if you look nasty-ass then it's game over. Any improvement will help. Really, make an effort. It's worth it.
Secondly, improve yourself as a person and how you present yourself. Go to the gym and get buff. Get fit. This will take time, effort and you'll feel like a moron initially, but slog it out. Once you've gained some muscle, get some fashionable/sharp clothes that rest on you well. Get a shop assistant to help you.
Read up on human psychology. This is THE most important part to your improvement. Learn everything you can about alpha male mannerisms, thought patterns, speech patterns, posture etc. I've been aware of the PUA and MRA community for 2 years now, and I'm still learning. (message me for the best sites and books - I don't want every Tom, Dick and Harry knowing about this stuff, as it's dangerous sh*t in the wrong hands)
There's nothing much more I can say. It's going ot take you years to sort out your life from how you've described it, but it'll be worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears.
People of our generation have not been taught respect or even the ability to look beyond the surface.They can be cruel,heartless,obnoxious and brutal.It is truly saddening that they are.There is true beauty in everone whether they realize it or not,even 'ugly guys'.I cannot tell you yours because I don't know you.Perhaps you have an incredible talent.A beautiful heart.Expressive eyes.No one was spared beauty.I know I must sound like a corny writer but I truly believe what I am telling you.It's hard to grow up in today's society without top-of-the-line looks but we have to try.Those who ridiculed you are too ignorant to realize that their useless actions will only hurt them in the end.They feel that if they convince others that they are ugly they will be spared of their own insecurities.
As for your looks,here are a few things you can try:
Jog a couple of times a week-it is good for your herat,your mind,and your body.
Acne?There are many many medications available for the treatment of these things.I had a friend who tried Pro Active and it cleared her skin within a month.I cannot guarantee the same results for you but I'm sure one of those creams will help somewhat.
Gather a bit of money,and purchase a few pairs of clothing that are flattering and that you feel confident in.
Long hair can be attractive if it is well taken care of.Perhaps you can have your hair styled into something of your choosing?
In conclusion,I am sorry that you have had to endure some of the cruelties that some people can bestow.I hope that on your path through life you will meet someone to prove that not everyone is like that.
Well, you could start by clearing up the Acne. Witch hazel works good. Spray some on your face as much as possible each day. Then wash your face with 'the wave'. That works really good with me, its a nutrogena product. Also, try not to touch your face. Hold somthing like a paperclip or somthing small and useless, it'll distract you from touching your face which makes your skin oily, causing acne.
Don't worry about the age you kiss somone, I know somone that hasn't kissed anybody yet and they are a year older then you xP
As for the pity parties, you need to talk to somone about it. Anybody. A parent, some random guy at wal-mart, online, you just need to get your feelings out (I don't reccomend saying it to a random person at wal-mart) Once you talk about it, you'll feel so much better, and so relieved that you can move on.
And the people that make fun of you, who cares what they think? That might be really hard to say to yourself, but just try to ingore them. Maybe get a CD player to block out their insults.
For the greesy hair, I recommend taking a shower every day. Get some special shampoo for it.
I can't remember what the one I use is called but its only about $1.47, it looks like blue gel with a raindrop on it, and it helps get rid of the oil in your hair.
Don't worry! You'll find love! Everybody does, everybody has a sole-mate, all you have to do is search for her. Regardless of what you look like, you can ALWAYS find somone that'll love you for who you are.
Here is my advice read The Game by neil strauss it was written for people like you.
To answer your question though. Women respond to good hygiene. Clean haircut, shave, brush your teeth, wear nice cloths and accessories, bracelets, neck less, nice shoes, stand up strait, smile, if you do all of these things it really doesn't matter what you look like you will look like you take care of all the details which is very attractive to women even if you aren't you will still not be disqualified for looks.
Then you have to work on confidence. I started this project when I was 15 I walked up to random girls at a mall a long way from my home all day and used pickup lines introduced myelf asked for numbers right out of the blue, asked for opinions (which is what I later learned the best what to start talking to a stranger). Asked for the time, directions, anything that involved risking rejection and getting way out of my box. If you do this you will get used to taking way the filter and just talking.
Based on your description your looks can be fixed with proactive or dermatologist a good haircut and some cloths and accessory shopping (you don't even have to loose wieght).
I am answering this question because I am procrastinating.
There are a lot of answers to this question, some good and some bad. It surprises me the amount of women who could be so rude to someone in your situation.
What a lot of people are missing in this situation is that if you lost all that excess weight and got perfect skin, you would still be considered unattractive. Attraction and looks are separate entities. Women are attracted to confidence, which affects how you hold and present yourself physically, rather than your actual looks. The "sexy ugly" thing that another answerer referred to has an element of truth to it. The girls may be a little overweight, but they have internal confidence and guys find that very attractive.
So the key is confidence, not weight. Obviously this is not an easy thing to obtain, especially in your situation where you have had so many horrible people around you.
I can only give the following advice in relation to confidence.
Ensure that you have an element of progression in your life.
This means that you should identify things that you REALLY want to do. I am not suggesting that you should loose weight, but if you did, you pick up the phone right now and book a personal trainer. If loosing weight isn't your thing, how about learning a musical instrument? Art? Learning a language? Dancing?
It doesn't matter what it is, but identify something and take actual active steps to achieve it. Many people set personal goals and they forever remain in theory. Many people do not chase their goals and they are left in a perpetual state of doing nothing, they have no progression.
But as you progress, you become satisfied. You say I now have this skill that I didn't have before, and I like it. This will increase your confidence.
So in short, the weight isn't the reason you're not getting women. It's the confidence. Get some through setting goals and taking steps to achieve them.
You need to improve your image. Just because you are ugly doesn't mean you shouldnt take care of yourself. Get your sh*t together, learn some fasion, haircuts that fit your face, some acne medication, make yourself appear like you are self confident and don't treat yoruself like sh*t. People make those connections.
You don't grow up with confidence, unless you have some egotistic genetic rage in your head, but that is besides the point. Once you build your self up, you will have self respect, then confidence comes. Doing minuscule things like making small talk to girls, do it to girls that don't appear intimidating, then work your way up from small talk, to actually chilling with them for a while, then perhaps getting their number. I would suggest you get some friends that are knowledgable in doing this.
You could go up to any guy that appears successful and pick his brain if you give him something, ex: coffee shop, buy the dude coffee, respect him, ask him questions. Usually it is answers like, I just remain calm and relaxed, and all I am there for is to make a friend and schedule something with them after I am done talking to them, which results in a # or w.e.
Little stuff like that helps, I cannot stress your personal appearance is a reflection of your self respect. Get in shape and get your sh*t together.
0
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Many of us suffer from lack of confidence and I can totally empathize with you.
First, please know that most smart and caring women will look past your appearance and into your heart. That is really, really true. I have been surprised by the very short, bald, mexican, you name it almost - that I have been seriously attracted to.
As a woman I can only suggest to you 2 things:
1) Clean up your act. You say you have acne, greasy, long hair? Get a hair cut, wash your hair everyday and go to a dermatologist. Even the worst acne cases can be cured. Get a good hairdresser. Make sure your clothes are clean, pressed, shoes clean and nice. Take pride in your appearance and spend some money taking care of your appearance. If you don't know what to do or need help - research looks on line etc.
2) For weight - I suffer from being overweight myself and it has been a constant struggle. It is something we can control though - so you can change it. You don't have to have a six pack abs - you just need to look like you take care of yourself (just as women do). A lot of women like a man who looks like he eats! (if only it was the same for men to women!)
3) Don't change your personality for anyone you are attracted to. Stay yourself. Someday there will be a girl who sees past everything and can only see your big heart. And I'm not just saying that! (cause I'm more of a realist than an optimist - but I know that someone will see you for who you are one day and love you).
as someone that use to have acne...start getting tans at a tanning bed, it'll help clear it up or at the very least make it less noticable. That first step has to be done to get you to feel better about yourself, so if you're actually serious about doing this then do that first step asap. Secondly, look at guys around you. If your perceptive which you seem to be...then notice that ALOT of girls will be with guys that are either overweight, have acne, or are in other ways considered unattractive. Third, hair isn't as important as people make it out to be...and by shaving your head at some point or buzzing it you may notice a difference in the way people perceive you. Look at the ufc fighters, a lot of them shaved there head because they noticed it looks more intimidating. Most girls want a guy that they feel safe around so even if you aren't the toughest guy, you can try and portray it. Past that I can literally think of hundreds of other things that can be done... but first id focus on those. You sound like your probably pretty intelligent, maybe a little nerdy...so start focusing your attention on ways to make you successful instead of reasons why you won't be. Rememeber...You lose 100% of the opportunities you don't go for, start talking to girls, start getting rejected, and start realizing that you don't die as a result of it, after you do this enough you'll develop a confidence that will actually last.
You have to be careful with tanning beds. It's almost as bad as sun tanning and skin cancer is deadly serious. And if he improves his appearence that is all going to go to waste with premature aging.
yes, just the fact that you want to change it shows change for your acne buy skin cream like benzoid peroxide or oxy pads and wipe your face with them every day oxy is cheaper it's at any drug store second screw those people not literally but they don't know you to talk about you and if they do it's because they are miserable it has nothing to do with you people hurt people because they hurt they are messed up not you just ignore them as far as for the viginity issue it's not bad being a vigin sex isn't what it's sounds like it's not all exciting it creates a lot of problems so if you can wait it would be better distract yourself with things like reading and activties at school it will make dealing with those feelings easier wait until you get married so you can save yourself for some one special it makes it more special and don't run and get married wait until after you go to college to get married so you can be financially and emotionally and physically ready to handle sex because it comes with a lot of consequences like stds and some of them you cannot get rid of like aids and herpes you can also die from aids and stop putting your self down and start saying positive things about yourself every day you'll see a change and every one else will too then they'll respect you
Ah, man. This question makes me sad. There is no definition of "ugly" to me. When my boyfriend and I started dating four years ago in high school, he was scrawny, had braces, acne, and long hair (the hair's a plus in my world). Those are things some people might say are "ugly," but I didn't think so one bit. He's different looking now, but I have always considered him just as attractive and I would still think he's hot even if he had maintained those traits. The world seems a hopeless place today with relationships for those who don't fit the media's definition of beauty, and it's f***ing annoying. What I personally find attractive is light eyes, long ass hair, musicianship, intelligence, and a sense of humor - and people have actually had the nerve to tell me it's weird! I don't like six packs, gelled hair and a cocky attitude, and I refuse to apologize for my unique tastes; more for me. I'm convinced I can't be the only girl who feels this way - you just need to be patient and look in the right places. I would recommend you go to a metal show and look for some girls, they've got some sense left in em ;] Don't change who you are just to find someone who will only like your artificial qualities - because then, it's not worth it. Just take care of yourself, be healthy, and be as confident as you can. Someone will come eventually, hon, and I'm sure she'll be amazing. Good luck! :]
Well first of all, you seem a bit dorky with you "pessimism, and misanthropy" lol, a lot of girls (including me) don't like a guy that seems to be a know it all, its unattractive and annoying. But anyway, yes there is hope. Everyone has or is called names in their lifetime, I don't think theirs one person that hasnt! I've been called fat, ugly, I've had people say I look like a rabbit (even though that's probably more of a compliment), I've been called stupid, retarded and all sorts of things! And even though it made me feel bad about myself for a little while I still keep my head high and try to think positive! Confidence is very important, and you said you have social phobia, I have it too and I got on medication (prosac) which has helped so much! Girls are just stupid a lot of the time and they go through different stages of only caring about looks, and money etc. I find it hard to believe you haven't had a friend since the 7th grade to be honest- I'm sure you have had some. Tbh there's really no reason I can think why you seem to be repelling people, usually girls don't stay away from a guy just because of their looks, maybe you smell bad? Don't wash yourself a lot? Have flaky dandruff? If you know you are greasy and long haired and fat why don't you do something about it and move on with your life? You can diet, cut your hair, try different skin regimens and find what's best for you. I really honestly don't believe your as bad looking as you make yourself out to be, but I just think you should try dieting and everything like I said, your confidence will surely improve and therefore you'll be more attractive to girls. And about the virginity thing, who cares, you have your hand don't you?
pfttt! those people that are calling you that are RIDICULOUS! girls don't care as much about looks as they do about persoanlity! Don't let them bring you down you sound like the sweetest guy ever! "I'd be MORE THAN satisfied with just your basic snuggle " I know it's hard to ignore them but you know you will DEFINETLY get a girl just be more confident in yourself girls LOVE confidence... actually they thrive on it ! girls don't really care about looks its always about personality my boyfriend has acne up the ying yang! and he told me that he wasn't the most popular guy in highschool and that people made fun of him and I'm the complete opposite I'm blonde green eyed 5'2 outgoing bubbly girl from the popular group and to be completely honest popular guys are ASSHOLES I love him because he was different he was nice but confident he wasn't afraid to stick up for himself girls like a man that can protect them ;) so sweety all you have to do is tell those people to shut up and stick it where the sun don't shine and girls will notice you for it :) just don't do it if it's I HUGE guy that could go bad... lol but still hopless romantic + a little bit of confidence will definetley get you a girlfriend ;) Remember girls like a challenge so keep them guessing for a little while till you got her and don't be shallow when it comes to girls! find a nice girl that likes you for you :)
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^ there's for emotional help...
If your looking for changing the way you look-
**loose weight. What I do to keep in shape is instead of walking from room to room is do lunges.
Even if you are as ugly as you think (which I'm doubting!) skinnier guys automaticly have more of a chance with girls.
**Wash your hair once a day if it's still greasy don't use conditioner. Cut your hair shorter.
**As for acne try accutane, I'm on it right now, it supposedly cures acne, everywhere. Just talk to your derm.
**Smile more often and, if you've noticed some of your jokes don't make people laugh (or if only guys are laughing at them) try thinking before you say things.
** when meeting new people, don't open up completly and act like you would if they were your best friend (even if you've gotten to the 'i don't give a f*** about what people say' stage) try being more reserved and working up to your full personality.
There is hope, you just have to make the effort. Picture this for me, kay? A 50pound overweight girl at 5"6 with acne on her face and back with blackheads everywhere. Dingy blonde hair about waist-length, glasses, and bitten-off nail buds. Not to mention sarcastic as they come.
That was me two years ago. I fixed all of that by doing this and now I am in top physical condition, have too many friends that I know what to do with, in a relationship, and am happy.
1) join a sports team of some sort. For me it was cross country. Running with a team who is depending on you is much more motivating than a treadmill or running by yourself. The exercise will give you endorphants and make you feel happier. Yes there were jokes -- but after I was running circles around them it didn't matter so much.
2) AcneFree - it is the best stuff in the world. Also, put the toner in a spray bottle and put it on that way. And use a washcloth to spread the lotion - so the oils on your fingers don't get back on your face and back and where-ever
3) Use biologue products. The soap and shampoos get rid of grease
4) stay on sites like this :) people are nicer
Yes, I'm still sarcastic as hell (but that's how I like it ^_^) I cut my hair and dyed it (yay!), got contacts, and put nail polish hardener on my nails so I wouldn't chew them.
Best of luck. Wish I could be there to help, I remember how absolutley sh*tty it is. But after its all over, you'll be glad. I wanted to quit alot, oh good god. I wanted to quit everyday. But it was worth it.
All the best buddy, don't loose hope. ((Also, remember Karma. Those people are gonna get it and you'll be free!))
dude, you sound like me about a year ago...you wanna know the secret to being happy? honestly it might p*ss you off until you realize that it is the truth!
shower once or twice a day (I got some greasy hair...i wash my hair with regular shampoo, conditioner, and then baby shampoo and it works)
use toothpaste on your pimples and acne
force yourself to be assertive, it becomes more normal the more you do it
force yourself to talk to girls that you like about being more than friends, and you really do gotta be confident and comfortable
you ain't gotta get rid of your issues but you gotta deal with them, it will make you feel better and it will make people realize that you are trying, but don't tell them about it because it shows them that you are trying to put on a show and it don't work
FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!
NOTHING COMES RIGHT AWAY, BUT AFTER FAKING IT FOR AWHILE IT COMES TRUE AND BECOMES NATURAL! AND STOP PUTING YOURSELF DOWN! LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERYDAY AND TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HANDSOME AND LIST AT LEAST 2 POSITIVE QUALITIES ABOUT YOURSELF...AND I DO MEAN EVERYDAY! I AM WORKING WITH 2 OTHER GUYS THAT ARE IN THE SAME POSITION AS YOU, AND MYSELF, SO I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! PLEASE LISTEN AND ADD ME IF YOU WANT
I don't find looks to be important, but personality is.
I don't consider myself ugly, I'm far from beautiful, but I don't mind who I am. I'm 18 and never been kissed, never been on a date, and I still have my virginity (which I might consider precious...), but because I like myself I've found people who like me. I've been through that whole "I'm ugly and I'll be alone forever" phase, but when I moved I decided I was tired of being what people thought I was, and now I am what I am. I'm me through and through, and there's something about people who are comfortable with themselves and with their flaws that makes people want to talk to you. I know that it isn't an overnight thing, ESPECIALLY if you are still around the same group of people. But if you don't like who you are, you can change and be who you want to be. Typically who you want to be (on the inside) is just hiding, waiting for you to have enough gusto to whip out your true personality. When you truly accept yourself, others will accept you.
A lot of girls are into guys that don't look pretty. Women are not into the same things as we are when it comes to looks so ugly is relative. Women are attracted more to certain types of personalities. I like to say guys are attracted to girls just on looks without caring about personality that's stupid, girls like bad personalities that's stupider. Actually though not all girl are attracted to complete asses. Girls are attracted to confidence. You're a real man, of course your ugly looking its your woman's job to look good. If they want cute they can get a puppy. Girls like a guy who is a bit arrogant in a joking way, not a real way. Girls like a guy who is not afraid to make fun of them and act very comfortable around them even if you feel nervous as hell around them hide that. You may notice that guys who are politicians sucessful lawyers rock stars and athletes get the attention of a lot of women. They get to pick and choose from among a pool of groupies. If you think about it politicians think fast talk fast, they have the audacity to think that they can be in charge and they will try to win over anybody with a passionate argument and big confident smile. Women get high off of that kind of thing. I am not saying be a jerk be dishonest or don't be yourself. But you do have to put on a bit of an act, women are weird like that. Another thing, its a corny bit of advice but Its sort of true. Tell yourself in your mind that the woman who gets you is lucky. That you are the one to be desired to be gotten, to be snagged by some girl who will be proud of her accomplishment even if you wanted to be "snagged"
Listen anyone on this earth has a chance. Even those (cant remember the name) Wolf persons.
Those whos entire body is filled with hair scores.
But yeah can be hard to get into the groove and find some girl who likes you. But you need to be . Happy. Confident. And ready to get hurt.
Update: Well I did it. I went to the gym and spent 45 min on the exercise bike. It really DOES make you feel better about yourself. Almost euphoric! 19 days ago
Keep that up then.
And if you are wondering what I look like, well I'd rather not supply a picture. Just imagine a fat (keep hitting the gym and eat healty.) , acne infested (Depending on how bad it is. wash you face with water everyday and rub it with a towel. Fat sticks to your face and doesn't get washed of when you bath, unless you rub it there. If its worse. Ask the doc for some advice and maybe some products.) , gross looking (well maybe you aint., but you can do something about it. ), greasy(? take a bath?), long haired guy ( I got pretty long hair from time to time.- Maybe try something new. ). There. Satisfied? Lol. (well obvious you aint. So do something about it.)
My thoughts.
You didn't write here to get pity. You wrote to get a kick in the ass to get going.
Girls don't like you? Well give them a reason too. If you gave up and look like a moldy peperoni. Well it ain't no suprise. If you worked out a bit. Got a haircut. Smelled nice. SMiled and got the same results. Well then come cry about it.
But seams your trying now. So keep it up and things will work out.
Good luck in your hunt.
Okay... Start working towards improving your image. Work out (it seems you've already started, keep at it. Exercise actually does make you feel better about yourself :)) lose that weight, buy some god damn cream, or go and have surgery for the acne if its that severe. Cut your hair, take showers... It's simple stuff bro.
I'm a shy person, I used to have social phobia too. It's a viscous cycle. My classmates were assholes.
Changing location sorted out that problem.
It's going to take time... But lose the self pity and a lot of other problems will go away.
Don't aim to be the Mr super-confident leader man, it's not you. Come to terms with yourself, you're the shy guy. Many are. Who do the leaders lead?... It's not a bad thing... Just stop complaining.
Stop. Every time you feel the need give yourself a slap.
And don't get a hooker! Jesus...
Not that the thought hasn't passed my mind before >_O
Im just saying, make the first girl special.
Contracting some weird disease won't exactly help your chances either...
Just listen to Eye of the Tiger and keep busy.
ok man, listen, yea at 19 kids can be cruel and just jerks...but I'm really not buying all this self pity... you need to learn to love yourself...f*** em...if you don't like the way you look, change it for yourself...not for other kids your age...girls will NOT date a guy who has no confidence in himself and who lets others put him down... it is not hard to change your image...no one is Ugly...if you want to be more attractive start working out, eating healthy, drinking water... go to a dermatologist...i have a friend who had a bad skin condition and he went through years of being ridiculed for his skin...finally he talked to his parents about seeing a dermatologist and he saw a really good one who gave him medication oral and lotion and his skin condition dramatically improved... get a hobby or find something that you are really good at and do it...dont waste away in self pity...if you are unhappy with your weight you need to look at your diet and see what you can change...shower every day and change your hair if you don't like it...maybe you won't see results right away but if you stick with it you will begin to feel a lot better about yourself...and ummm hooker? respect women and go out of your way to be kind and nice to girls...even if you consider yourself ugly...if you go out of your way to smile and be polite, then that will dramatically help you...smile at people who don't like you/you don't like and they won't know what hit them...good luck...but if you don't like something about yourself, you need to try to change it for yourself and not for anyone else
Dude, I feel for you. I really do. I was once like you - I had nothing going for me but sheer force of will to survive and succeed.
Firstly, address the issue of your skin condition. Go private if you must. Trust me, this is the first step to improving your own mental image. Girls don't care that much about looks if everything else about you is awesome, but if you look nasty-ass then it's game over. Any improvement will help. Really, make an effort. It's worth it.
Secondly, improve yourself as a person and how you present yourself. Go to the gym and get buff. Get fit. This will take time, effort and you'll feel like a moron initially, but slog it out. Once you've gained some muscle, get some fashionable/sharp clothes that rest on you well. Get a shop assistant to help you.
Read up on human psychology. This is THE most important part to your improvement. Learn everything you can about alpha male mannerisms, thought patterns, speech patterns, posture etc. I've been aware of the PUA and MRA community for 2 years now, and I'm still learning. (message me for the best sites and books - I don't want every Tom, Dick and Harry knowing about this stuff, as it's dangerous sh*t in the wrong hands)
There's nothing much more I can say. It's going ot take you years to sort out your life from how you've described it, but it'll be worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears.
People of our generation have not been taught respect or even the ability to look beyond the surface.They can be cruel,heartless,obnoxious and brutal.It is truly saddening that they are.There is true beauty in everone whether they realize it or not,even 'ugly guys'.I cannot tell you yours because I don't know you.Perhaps you have an incredible talent.A beautiful heart.Expressive eyes.No one was spared beauty.I know I must sound like a corny writer but I truly believe what I am telling you.It's hard to grow up in today's society without top-of-the-line looks but we have to try.Those who ridiculed you are too ignorant to realize that their useless actions will only hurt them in the end.They feel that if they convince others that they are ugly they will be spared of their own insecurities.
As for your looks,here are a few things you can try:
Jog a couple of times a week-it is good for your herat,your mind,and your body.
Acne?There are many many medications available for the treatment of these things.I had a friend who tried Pro Active and it cleared her skin within a month.I cannot guarantee the same results for you but I'm sure one of those creams will help somewhat.
Gather a bit of money,and purchase a few pairs of clothing that are flattering and that you feel confident in.
Long hair can be attractive if it is well taken care of.Perhaps you can have your hair styled into something of your choosing?
In conclusion,I am sorry that you have had to endure some of the cruelties that some people can bestow.I hope that on your path through life you will meet someone to prove that not everyone is like that.
Good luck!
Well, you could start by clearing up the Acne. Witch hazel works good. Spray some on your face as much as possible each day. Then wash your face with 'the wave'. That works really good with me, its a nutrogena product. Also, try not to touch your face. Hold somthing like a paperclip or somthing small and useless, it'll distract you from touching your face which makes your skin oily, causing acne.
Don't worry about the age you kiss somone, I know somone that hasn't kissed anybody yet and they are a year older then you xP
As for the pity parties, you need to talk to somone about it. Anybody. A parent, some random guy at wal-mart, online, you just need to get your feelings out (I don't reccomend saying it to a random person at wal-mart) Once you talk about it, you'll feel so much better, and so relieved that you can move on.
And the people that make fun of you, who cares what they think? That might be really hard to say to yourself, but just try to ingore them. Maybe get a CD player to block out their insults.
For the greesy hair, I recommend taking a shower every day. Get some special shampoo for it.
I can't remember what the one I use is called but its only about $1.47, it looks like blue gel with a raindrop on it, and it helps get rid of the oil in your hair.
Don't worry! You'll find love! Everybody does, everybody has a sole-mate, all you have to do is search for her. Regardless of what you look like, you can ALWAYS find somone that'll love you for who you are.
I would rather have a soul mate. The sole mate would walk all over you lol
Ba-dum pssh.
Here is my advice read The Game by neil strauss it was written for people like you.
To answer your question though. Women respond to good hygiene. Clean haircut, shave, brush your teeth, wear nice cloths and accessories, bracelets, neck less, nice shoes, stand up strait, smile, if you do all of these things it really doesn't matter what you look like you will look like you take care of all the details which is very attractive to women even if you aren't you will still not be disqualified for looks.
Then you have to work on confidence. I started this project when I was 15 I walked up to random girls at a mall a long way from my home all day and used pickup lines introduced myelf asked for numbers right out of the blue, asked for opinions (which is what I later learned the best what to start talking to a stranger). Asked for the time, directions, anything that involved risking rejection and getting way out of my box. If you do this you will get used to taking way the filter and just talking.
Based on your description your looks can be fixed with proactive or dermatologist a good haircut and some cloths and accessory shopping (you don't even have to loose wieght).
I am answering this question because I am procrastinating.
There are a lot of answers to this question, some good and some bad. It surprises me the amount of women who could be so rude to someone in your situation.
What a lot of people are missing in this situation is that if you lost all that excess weight and got perfect skin, you would still be considered unattractive. Attraction and looks are separate entities. Women are attracted to confidence, which affects how you hold and present yourself physically, rather than your actual looks. The "sexy ugly" thing that another answerer referred to has an element of truth to it. The girls may be a little overweight, but they have internal confidence and guys find that very attractive.
So the key is confidence, not weight. Obviously this is not an easy thing to obtain, especially in your situation where you have had so many horrible people around you.
I can only give the following advice in relation to confidence.
Ensure that you have an element of progression in your life.
This means that you should identify things that you REALLY want to do. I am not suggesting that you should loose weight, but if you did, you pick up the phone right now and book a personal trainer. If loosing weight isn't your thing, how about learning a musical instrument? Art? Learning a language? Dancing?
It doesn't matter what it is, but identify something and take actual active steps to achieve it. Many people set personal goals and they forever remain in theory. Many people do not chase their goals and they are left in a perpetual state of doing nothing, they have no progression.
But as you progress, you become satisfied. You say I now have this skill that I didn't have before, and I like it. This will increase your confidence.
So in short, the weight isn't the reason you're not getting women. It's the confidence. Get some through setting goals and taking steps to achieve them.
You need to improve your image. Just because you are ugly doesn't mean you shouldnt take care of yourself. Get your sh*t together, learn some fasion, haircuts that fit your face, some acne medication, make yourself appear like you are self confident and don't treat yoruself like sh*t. People make those connections.
You don't grow up with confidence, unless you have some egotistic genetic rage in your head, but that is besides the point. Once you build your self up, you will have self respect, then confidence comes. Doing minuscule things like making small talk to girls, do it to girls that don't appear intimidating, then work your way up from small talk, to actually chilling with them for a while, then perhaps getting their number. I would suggest you get some friends that are knowledgable in doing this.
You could go up to any guy that appears successful and pick his brain if you give him something, ex: coffee shop, buy the dude coffee, respect him, ask him questions. Usually it is answers like, I just remain calm and relaxed, and all I am there for is to make a friend and schedule something with them after I am done talking to them, which results in a # or w.e.
Little stuff like that helps, I cannot stress your personal appearance is a reflection of your self respect. Get in shape and get your sh*t together.
Many of us suffer from lack of confidence and I can totally empathize with you.
First, please know that most smart and caring women will look past your appearance and into your heart. That is really, really true. I have been surprised by the very short, bald, mexican, you name it almost - that I have been seriously attracted to.
As a woman I can only suggest to you 2 things:
1) Clean up your act. You say you have acne, greasy, long hair? Get a hair cut, wash your hair everyday and go to a dermatologist. Even the worst acne cases can be cured. Get a good hairdresser. Make sure your clothes are clean, pressed, shoes clean and nice. Take pride in your appearance and spend some money taking care of your appearance. If you don't know what to do or need help - research looks on line etc.
2) For weight - I suffer from being overweight myself and it has been a constant struggle. It is something we can control though - so you can change it. You don't have to have a six pack abs - you just need to look like you take care of yourself (just as women do). A lot of women like a man who looks like he eats! (if only it was the same for men to women!)
3) Don't change your personality for anyone you are attracted to. Stay yourself. Someday there will be a girl who sees past everything and can only see your big heart. And I'm not just saying that! (cause I'm more of a realist than an optimist - but I know that someone will see you for who you are one day and love you).
Good luck!
(Boyfriend Speaking)
as someone that use to have acne...start getting tans at a tanning bed, it'll help clear it up or at the very least make it less noticable. That first step has to be done to get you to feel better about yourself, so if you're actually serious about doing this then do that first step asap. Secondly, look at guys around you. If your perceptive which you seem to be...then notice that ALOT of girls will be with guys that are either overweight, have acne, or are in other ways considered unattractive. Third, hair isn't as important as people make it out to be...and by shaving your head at some point or buzzing it you may notice a difference in the way people perceive you. Look at the ufc fighters, a lot of them shaved there head because they noticed it looks more intimidating. Most girls want a guy that they feel safe around so even if you aren't the toughest guy, you can try and portray it. Past that I can literally think of hundreds of other things that can be done... but first id focus on those. You sound like your probably pretty intelligent, maybe a little nerdy...so start focusing your attention on ways to make you successful instead of reasons why you won't be. Rememeber...You lose 100% of the opportunities you don't go for, start talking to girls, start getting rejected, and start realizing that you don't die as a result of it, after you do this enough you'll develop a confidence that will actually last.
Tans only camoflauge the redness.
Amazing answer...lol all I have to say
You have to be careful with tanning beds. It's almost as bad as sun tanning and skin cancer is deadly serious. And if he improves his appearence that is all going to go to waste with premature aging.
yes, just the fact that you want to change it shows change for your acne buy skin cream like benzoid peroxide or oxy pads and wipe your face with them every day oxy is cheaper it's at any drug store second screw those people not literally but they don't know you to talk about you and if they do it's because they are miserable it has nothing to do with you people hurt people because they hurt they are messed up not you just ignore them as far as for the viginity issue it's not bad being a vigin sex isn't what it's sounds like it's not all exciting it creates a lot of problems so if you can wait it would be better distract yourself with things like reading and activties at school it will make dealing with those feelings easier wait until you get married so you can save yourself for some one special it makes it more special and don't run and get married wait until after you go to college to get married so you can be financially and emotionally and physically ready to handle sex because it comes with a lot of consequences like stds and some of them you cannot get rid of like aids and herpes you can also die from aids and stop putting your self down and start saying positive things about yourself every day you'll see a change and every one else will too then they'll respect you
Ah, man. This question makes me sad. There is no definition of "ugly" to me. When my boyfriend and I started dating four years ago in high school, he was scrawny, had braces, acne, and long hair (the hair's a plus in my world). Those are things some people might say are "ugly," but I didn't think so one bit. He's different looking now, but I have always considered him just as attractive and I would still think he's hot even if he had maintained those traits. The world seems a hopeless place today with relationships for those who don't fit the media's definition of beauty, and it's f***ing annoying. What I personally find attractive is light eyes, long ass hair, musicianship, intelligence, and a sense of humor - and people have actually had the nerve to tell me it's weird! I don't like six packs, gelled hair and a cocky attitude, and I refuse to apologize for my unique tastes; more for me. I'm convinced I can't be the only girl who feels this way - you just need to be patient and look in the right places. I would recommend you go to a metal show and look for some girls, they've got some sense left in em ;] Don't change who you are just to find someone who will only like your artificial qualities - because then, it's not worth it. Just take care of yourself, be healthy, and be as confident as you can. Someone will come eventually, hon, and I'm sure she'll be amazing. Good luck! :]
There needs to be more girls like you!
Thanks! :D
Well first of all, you seem a bit dorky with you "pessimism, and misanthropy" lol, a lot of girls (including me) don't like a guy that seems to be a know it all, its unattractive and annoying. But anyway, yes there is hope. Everyone has or is called names in their lifetime, I don't think theirs one person that hasnt! I've been called fat, ugly, I've had people say I look like a rabbit (even though that's probably more of a compliment), I've been called stupid, retarded and all sorts of things! And even though it made me feel bad about myself for a little while I still keep my head high and try to think positive! Confidence is very important, and you said you have social phobia, I have it too and I got on medication (prosac) which has helped so much! Girls are just stupid a lot of the time and they go through different stages of only caring about looks, and money etc. I find it hard to believe you haven't had a friend since the 7th grade to be honest- I'm sure you have had some. Tbh there's really no reason I can think why you seem to be repelling people, usually girls don't stay away from a guy just because of their looks, maybe you smell bad? Don't wash yourself a lot? Have flaky dandruff? If you know you are greasy and long haired and fat why don't you do something about it and move on with your life? You can diet, cut your hair, try different skin regimens and find what's best for you. I really honestly don't believe your as bad looking as you make yourself out to be, but I just think you should try dieting and everything like I said, your confidence will surely improve and therefore you'll be more attractive to girls. And about the virginity thing, who cares, you have your hand don't you?
-best of luck-
Pessimism is a dorky word? Lol I can understand misanthropy but not pessimism.
And sorry but a hand isn't the same!
I guess
I love megan fox
Cool.
pfttt! those people that are calling you that are RIDICULOUS! girls don't care as much about looks as they do about persoanlity! Don't let them bring you down you sound like the sweetest guy ever! "I'd be MORE THAN satisfied with just your basic snuggle " I know it's hard to ignore them but you know you will DEFINETLY get a girl just be more confident in yourself girls LOVE confidence... actually they thrive on it ! girls don't really care about looks its always about personality my boyfriend has acne up the ying yang! and he told me that he wasn't the most popular guy in highschool and that people made fun of him and I'm the complete opposite I'm blonde green eyed 5'2 outgoing bubbly girl from the popular group and to be completely honest popular guys are ASSHOLES I love him because he was different he was nice but confident he wasn't afraid to stick up for himself girls like a man that can protect them ;) so sweety all you have to do is tell those people to shut up and stick it where the sun don't shine and girls will notice you for it :) just don't do it if it's I HUGE guy that could go bad... lol but still hopless romantic + a little bit of confidence will definetley get you a girlfriend ;) Remember girls like a challenge so keep them guessing for a little while till you got her and don't be shallow when it comes to girls! find a nice girl that likes you for you :)