Christianity and Dating?

I've recently been dating someone and the relationship, or whatever it'd be termed as, is going great. He asked me to be his girlfriend a week ago and I politely declined but agreed to be exclusive, just without a title so quickly until we can make sure that we're ready to be that serious with each other, realistically. We complement one another very well. We're both supportive, understanding, easygoing, and difficult to irritate. We have great chemistry and we have plenty of similar hobbies and are both pretty open to trying new things. Since the first date, people assumed us a couple and were shocked when we told them that we were on our 1st/2nd/3rd date because we're very in tune with each other and fall into step easily. On the contrasting end, I'm more of a scholar and he's more of a do'er. He breaks me out of my box a little and helps me to live more...while he knows he can rely on me for well thought advice. (Although he doesn't lack in advice in the things he's better at. We just have two different types of learning really.) What we seem to have, at least at this stage, is a strong foundation for a worthwhile relationship.

But, we're getting perhaps a little...too close. Intimately speaking, I'm starting to become far too interested in going to bed with him. I'm not concerned so much about how it would directly affect us, but I am concerned about forsaking my devotion to God by doing so. More and more I'm becoming painfully tempted to get more sexually involved...the chemistry, as a result of our compatibilty is really starting to wreac havoc on my senses. I don't know what to do. :/ I'm fine to answer any further questions to those wanting more info.
TL;DR version: I'm in a reasonably serious relationship and considering entering sexual relations with my partner but unwilling to look past my dedication. He's willing to be patient and wait for me, but I'm not sure how much longer I can resist.
Update: I should also mention that I'm concerned about whether I'll be able to carry on with him without continuing to want i because I find it difficult to resist him and the only way to do so would be to deny any notion of us altogether. Which is something I don't actually want. Because there's enough between us to potentially result in marriage otherwise and I know if I walked away to prevent damaging us, it would be something I'd equally come to regret.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You will not be tempted beyond what you can bear. But you have to ask if he's worth marrying. You also need to ask why you feel you need to consummate sexually so bad. What do you risk by not doing so? Ignore the "did God really say?" rationales of other posters below. Take my word for it... thinking you can "fix it up" after the fact more often than not doesn't work.

    This is a time to learn his true character - and for him to learn yours. Bumping uglies will quickly become a thing unto itself, and will distract you from the real goal because you'll want more and more of him at the expense of all sound thought.

    • Thank you ever so much for your advice. It's helped immensely. You're absolutely right. I think I've gotten into a better state by now so things make a lot more sense and this lines right up. Great advice. I prayed about it and I talked to my best friend about it and that helped too. Thanks for the guidance to get me back into sensibility. :)

    • I cannot agree more with this post. In my younger experiences, once we fell into the physical relationship, suddenly God wasn't the focus of our relationship anymore. It was all about gratifying one another and each other. And it didn't make it any easier that we were SO madly attracted to each other. And both had high sex drives. Then comes the guilt that weighs more heavily on the soul than you might imagine. Yet you still love the person, and you "might" one day get married, so don't want to break up, and have periods in which you try and try not to do it again.. but, inevitably, you do. And you will. Once you have had that taste of someone, that's it. It changes you. It's over. So, then you are stuck in this spiritual dishwasher for the next two years of your life, because no answer is a good answer, all because you lost your focus. Anyhow, that's how it was for me. I could not gain any peace from the situation until long after we broke up. I would hate to see you go through that.

    • I am the same guy from up above on here. And if you ever wish to discuss this or anything further, PLEASE e-mail me!!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think God will be fine with it, because you genuinely care for this person. I would think what would be "sexually immoral" pertaining to Christianity is someone who screws everyone for their pleasure.

    Now, I'm not going to judge anyone who does that. But I don't think that's what you're doing so I feel that it's okay.

    If anyone wants to correct me for being wrong and show me where it says "sex before marriage is a sin" in the Bible, feel free. But I take it to mean people who open their legs to anyone they lust after.

    • same thoughts!

    • Show All
    • Again, there are different meanings of what "fornication" is so how do you know it's specifically talking about sex outside of marriage? I've always taken that to be a way to "rid" yourself of any possibility of "unfaithfulness" because many people (back then) wouldn't be so eager to break vows.

      Also, some people DO NOT need to procreate because of their irrationality, having sex outside of marriage hasn't led to any moral degradation of society (especially since people shouldn't impose their personal morals onto others), and there are preventative measures to be taken to prevent spread of disease.

      I still think it's fine. God knows what's in her heart and his.

    • You are ignorant of the Scriptures on fornication and could point to 100 more references, but have not the the space. People shouldn't impose their personal moral onto others? In that case, you should not have to abide by the U. S. Constitution, the basic laws of the land, or the courts/judical system, because they all came from/are based on, the Bible! Your way would be anarchy. And sex outside of marriage hasn't led to the degradation of society? Hmm.. Let's see: 42% of children born out of wedlock (72% among blacks) 50 million babies killed by abortion (the majority by unmarried women), the spread of AIDS, VD, crabs, and herpes, ten million broken hearts. Then couples entering marriage with all that history, all that baggage - which, statistically, women who had sex outside of wedlock cheat on their husbands at nearly twice the rate as virgins, and marriages by same end in divorce a much higher percentage of the time. Just to list a few things. Nope, no degradation of society at all.

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What Guys Said 1

  • This is an extremely difficult situation to be in. I have lived it myself. I think the answer is, either to, A) Keep some distance between you - don't be alone in the same room, but only in public, etc. or, B) Get married as soon as possible. I know it will be very hard when I am in this situation again. And I just don't see any other options. Best of luck, and God Bless!

    • Thank you so much for understanding and empathizing with the struggles and also for reinforcing it biblically. It was nice to not feel so alone and to see that you knew the importance of it as well. Good luck in your future endeavors. Oh and I don't foresee any rushed marriages for me... especially not just so I can feel less guilty about sex. :> lol. Bad reasons. BUT, as of now, objectively, I know that it may just grow that way. Only time will tell.

    • If you respect him and he loves you I'm sure it would be much more than just freeing yourself from the guilt. My girlfriend and I had pastoral counseling and that was his advice - to marry. I loved her more than everything and would have that day, but she didn't feel the same way, unfortunately. It is so very difficult to find a good Christian partner in today's world. I am 44 and am still single... I wish you the best of luck, and know that you are strong enough to do the right thing!

What Girls Said 1

  • Bored just booooored!!!

    • You must be... considering you wasted time answering my question at all.

    • But I got Points remember? ;)

    • Fair enough. Lol.

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