How do I bring this up?

OK so my bf and I have been together for 4 years now. He is going to be 28 in a month and I'm 24. His mom is very overbearing and I don't know if it will always be that way or not. For example we were at his grandparents house for Easter and somehow we all got into the subject of winning the lottery and we were talking about who would be the first to find out and his mom was like of course you better telle first right in front of me. Like who cares what is the order he tells as long as he tells her at some point but whatever. Another example was he got offered a job down south and when he called her to tell her she was like aww I'm sooo excited for you did you call me first and he was like no I called Danielle first which is me and he said she was all butthurt that he called me his own gf that he has been with for a while before her. Like again who cares it isn't a competition he eventually told her. I don't know I just think she is very overbearing as a mother of a 28 year old it isn't like he is 16. She also calls him every single freaking day and asks nosy questions about his life. She puts her nose in our relationship all the time. For example around this time last year she made a comment to my bf implying that I use him for rides because I don't have a license which isn't the case at all I literally walk every where. I didn't think that was something that is her business to get involved in he is a grown man and what goes on in his relationship is between him and I not him me and his mother. So my question is does she seem overbearing to you guys or am I overreacting? If so how do I bring up my concern to my bf? We plan on getting married so we are very serious.


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  • Maybe your bf should bring it up to your mom if he has a problem with her being overbearing. Or, if you are the only one with the problem, then confront her about it. If you two plan to get married then you'll have to be able to talk to her about things like this because you would become her mother-in-law. As much as it may seem overbearing, it is normal for some parents to want to know everything about their child's life and call them every day and want to be the first to know things. It's just who they are and they want their child to make them feel important. This kind of behavior might not stop unless she is confronted with the issue and even then, it is really up to her to decide whether or not to stop.

    • There is a difference between feeling sad that you aren't the first to know things in your child's life and openly expressing it. every time you aren't the very first to know and in front of the SO none the less.. if it was the other way around and I was saying that I was upset because he told me second or his mom before me than you guy would say I crazy so why is it OK to act that way the other way around? I would be labeled as controlling and crazy so why is it ok for his mom to be that way? Some things are normal to think yes I agree but there are some things that you should realize make you sound crazy If you voice them out loud and freaking out that he called his gf before her about a job is an a example of that. Jot to mention she should realize it inlsnt going to put you in favorable light with the gf

    • I don't think it's okay to act the way she acts, but that's just how some people act. I don't think it's crazy to talk to her about her behavior. I think if you want to confront her about it, have your boyfriend come too as your support. I think this situation should be dealt with soon and not stalled so that a fix could be in progress. And sure it may not put the gf in favorable light to bring up a situation like this to a boyfriend's mother but as I said, if you two plan to get married then the behavior she's exhibiting will definitely become problematic, so you should talk with her about it.

  • She's a mother maybe she's concerned. He won't like it

    • Maybe she's concerned about what? He won't like what I'm sorry can you be more specific please?

    • Besides he is 28 after a certain point you have to stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. And getting involved in your adult child's relationship is doing just that. Obviously if there is signs of abuse going on then that is completely different but that isn't what is going on here.

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