Feeling trapped in a relationship... should I reevaluate it?

My boyfriend is probably the kind of boy every girl dreams of at some point. Handsome, intelligent, plays the piano and showers me with neverending displays of love and affection, in public and in private. What could possibly be wrong with that?

He's younger than me though (he's 16, I'm 18) and at first I didn't think it was such a big deal. But after about six months of being in a relationship, I'm starting to see some issues that may stem from that.

First of all, I feel like I'm a living emotional crutch for him. You know, he says how I'm "keeping him going" and all that whenever he has an argument with his parents or gets depressed... which is more or less every two or three days. Call me an egoist, but it gets tiring! I finally convinced him to go to the psychologist's office and he wouldn't go without me, even though I tried to get him to go alone, it'd be best for him. The woman said he should start defining himself independently of others (he's constantly comparing himself to others, which went far enough for him to go for a run when he heard I resumed running, in order to outrun me for the day, and when his dog that he took along didn't keep up he took her up and THREW her three yards away... I was understandably terrified). He constantly pouts and bitches because "I don't praise him enough", and when I do he claims it's fake.

Related to the above, he's constantly laying out plans for our future. Damn, I like planning myself, but coming from him it seems so serious and final. Everyone says how we should get married as soon as possible. It terrifies me, but he seems okay with that.

This last issue is still among the major ones, but smaller than the previous two - basically, I want sex. The age of consent here is 15, but he wants to wait until he's 18 nonetheless. Now I'm leaving for college in November (not exactly leaving though... it's in the same city) and I can't help feeling that basic biology
*that basic biology is gonna trump honour and loyalty at one point or another. That's not to say I'd cheat on him, I'd just honestly end the relationship there.

Now, as I've said, he's sweet and kind and head over heels in love with me, but at 18, I'm not gonna lie - I feel to young to settle down. His childishness, while understandable given his age, doesn't help. The question basically is - should I wait for him to get over it or review the situation and reconsider my options?
As a side note, it's my very first relationship. Ever. On one hand, it makes it a bit harder to consider leaving, on the other hand it makes it harder to decide right now that it'll be my last.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're right to always be evaluating the relationship you are in. He seems like basically a good guy who happens to be going through a rough phase. He sounds very mature in planning out his life. Most 16 year olds can't see beyond the next weekend.
    I just think you'll regret dumping him for some guy who is willing to have sex.

    • That's what I'm thinking, too. As I've said, sex is just one of the issues, I'd be more than willing to overlook that if he could just be his own person. I'll wait it out and see, but if he's still so emotionally dependent a year from now, is there a point in persisting?

Most Helpful Girl

  • You should talk to him about the emotional crutch thing. Communication is important, as I'm sure you've heard a thousand times.

    I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the fact that he wants to wait until he's 18 to have sex might be a good thing. It shows maturity and responsibility.

    Don't ignore the issues, but maybe wait and see how this goes for a while before ending it just yet. It could get better once you talk to him and get everything out in the open.

    • I do talk to him about it, but all he keeps saying is that he "needs me", but is sorry about holding me back and in general, pardon me saying that, it's a bit of a pity party. I'm not saying I like to ignore issues, but I'm not a girl to bitch and moan about them. It's counterproductive. It may just be an age thing and he may grow out of it, but should I wait 2 years just to make sure?

    • You do have a point. If you don't think it's worth the wait, I'd break it off now.

    • I just don't know... Maybe I'll just see what the college life gives me.

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What Guys Said 1

  • This is why I can't date younger people.

    • Maybe 3 years from now it wouldn't be such a big deal but now... gosh. I honestly don't know what to do. He's great overall, but he has those moments when I just feel like I'm being a babysitter.

What Girls Said 2

  • He sounds like he's not his own person. You define him and he's agrresive.
    You're 18 and leaving.. I'd say leave him to experience high school and you go do college life.
    You should never feel trapped.

  • Never be an emotional crutch for someone. You need to leave him and focus on yourself. He needs to help you as well. You are his girlfriend and not his mommy. Find someone to compliment you not be a pest

    • He does try to help when I need it... except I don't need it a whole lot. I don't let my feelings get bottled up, hell, I actually cry a lot, but I can get over myself real quickly. I feel he deserves to be supported in times of need, but if the time of need is every other day then well...

    • You are 18 and leaving soon. You need to go off to college and be your own person. He isn't his own person and you define him. You are young. Go out and experience life.

    • "Leaving" might be too big a word. We're just not gonna be in the same school anymore, but I will attend university in the same city, about half an hour bus drive from our high school. If I were going to a different city altogether, I wouldn't even bother asking this question.

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