Girls, would you still be willing to date a guy if you found out he's had sex with your coworkers in the past?

Okay so I met this girl about a month ago and I've really started to like her and I know she likes me and I want to date her. The thing is though that I've slept with 2 of her coworkers, relatively recently. I asked one to keep it quiet and I know she can be trusted but she'll probably find out about the other one. I'd really like transparency but not if it costs me the girl. I'm not very promiscuous, I'm turning 23 soon and they're only the second and third women I've had sex with and they came onto me but they're both at least acquaintances with her, arguably friends. They were just flings and there's no lingering feelings on my part at least. They work in a big department of about 100 people so they're not with each other 24/7, I work in the same building but rarely see them. Girls, would you still be willing to date a really sweet guy if you found out he's had sex with your coworkers?
  • I wouldn't really care if it was just sex
    Vote A
  • I would care but I'd look past it
    Vote B
  • I could live with 1 but not 2
    Vote C
  • I wouldn't date a guy whose slept with any of my coworkers
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Basically as I wrote below I'm an attractive man but I give off a 'player' vibe apparently according to a lot of people, even though that's not how I am at all and I'm not even flirty. I get approached by women sometimes for sex but I've always been very firm in wanting a relationship not casual sex. But the problem is that the women I wanted to go out with didn't trust me or treated me like crap until I lost interest. I got nowhere for 3 years and finally gave in to two sexual propositions.
I'm not a player at all, I've only had sex with 3 women total including the two who work with us. And THEY seduced ME, I wasn't trying to add notches to my belt and I wouldn't have ever made a pass at them on my own.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hell no! Number one I don't dip my pen in company ink, but if I did happen to meet a man so amazing he changed my mind, the fact that he slept with another girl at the company would ruin his chances with me.

    For all I know he's some wannabe player trying to fuck anything in the office. I wouldn't be able to trust him because I'd doubt him because of his history.

    And don't even think about being selfish and lying about what you did just to get a chance with me, because then you'd have started something under false pretenses which is kinda like fraud.

    Sorry if I come off like I'm attacking you but this situation makes me think of a guy I know lol

    • They seduced me, I'm no player. I've had sex with 3 women, it just so happens that 2 of them work with us. It's obviously awkward, but I don't see how it makes me a player when it's considered perfectly normal to go to a bar, get drunk and have sex with an equally drunk woman, something I've never even tried to do. And I want to be the one to tell her, I want to take responsibility for it but I also want to know that she'll give me a chance because as I've said I'm not a player.

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What Girls Said 32

  • This happened to me once. I began dating a guy years ago, and some stupid broad I worked with found out and in passing just said, "Oh yeah, I've been there done that," and smiled. It was that real bitch-like smile where she wasn't saying it to wreck my relationship, she just wanted to have that one-upping, gee-ain't-it-a-small-world type of short conversation. I was very irritated that she had done this, and I actually felt more sorry for my boyfriend that he spent any time with her at all. I asked him about it, and he rolled his eyes like she had been a mistake (that was obvious), and I just thought it was wasted effort on her part. What ever she was trying to accomplish, whether it was to let me know she had something before me, or was having sex at all (she was sort of moose-like in appearance), maybe she was out to impress me with her great ability to get a man before other women did. Point is that I felt bad for my boyfriend and decided not to talk to her again unless it was work related. Being that sort of gossipy type, I knew anything I said whatsoever was going to be repeated. I'm sure she did tell others at work that she slept with him and was waiting for my reaction or to come back with stories for her or anyone else at work for that matter, but I never did.

    She can now live with the memory that she was a blabbermouthing bitch and I was the one who ended up having something better than a one night stand with the guy that was never worth telling her details about, nor speaking to her again. I know people like that hate nothing more than being ignored and just not being in the know with stuff. It probably got her curious about how I got further with him than her and why we kept to ourselves after that. :)

    • Are you still with him?

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    • No, this was about 15 years ago, and all for the best. I moved on, eventually met the man of my dreams. But in your case, I guess what I was getting at is that if you give no reason for the girl to think you just had a private matter between someone, and never talk about her, then the likelihood that if the other girl (s) talk to her, it will only make them look bad.

      I'm also not sure if you're in a small town where the pickings for women are slim. But if you have no other real social life than at work, then it would explain why you choose to meet women from work. There are pros and cons to dating at work, and finding out you have exes there is a con. The pros are that you see each your girlfriend each day and you always know what you both go through at work. Don't give yourself a reason to look bad, and you shouldn't. It was your past, and that's it. If you don't talk to these other women anymore, it would help.

    • Yeah I'm not from a small town but I have a very limited social life outside of work. I only had sex with these women because there didn't seem to be any good romantic prospects on the horizon. Oops :/

  • It will look worse if you pursue her and she finds out from someone else that you slept with her coworkers, it's better for you to let her know. If she knows they pursued you and it was just about sex, but you're pursuing her for a relationship then she will feel better about the situation. People have different attitudes about relationships with coworkers so the only way you can really know how she will react is to ask her out.

    • That seems fair enough

  • Honestly no one is perfect and if you are a sweet guy and I know you can make me happy and I am myself around you, I would look pass that I mean it was in the past and it was just a fling and you didn't know me when this happen so yeah I would be totally fine and wouldn't care

    • I hope she is of the same mindset as you

    • Some girls are, if you confess it would help because it's better finding out by you, than the girl, I know some girls wouldn't still care If someone told them, but she will probably respect you more if she found out by you

  • I probably would get over it if I was really into the guy. I'd at least give it a chance but I wouldn't be having sex with him anytime soon.
    That screams player whether you consider you're self one or not. That's what most women will be worried about. Plus then she knows people that she would have to see or deal with on a possible daily bases know what her new guy looks like naked and is like in bed, no one likes that in their face.

    • I'm not a player they both seduced me

    • never said you were. I said that is what girls will think until you prove to her otherwise.

    • Fair enough

  • I wouldn't personally because the fact that you've gone around to multiple girls in one space and then tried to hide it throws up tons of red flags. I wouldn't be able to put my trust into somebody like that.

    • Well I would be the one telling her it happened most likely so she wouldn't find out from her friend so I don't think I'm 'trying' to hide it but I have the ability to hide one of them if it's the only way. The one girl is very trustworthy, she will not tell anyone if I don't.

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    • How many single men do you know who will turn down attractive women throwing themselves at him? I had no reason to turn them down; they were attractive women, I was a single man, there were no obvious dating prospects on the horizon, and the last few women I had tried to date were headaches and wastes of time. I was sick of wasting effort on rude, self-centered women. Sorry I don't live up to your purity standards, I'm only human.

    • I know a few actually. I'm not judging, I just say that everyone is responsible for their own actions until freedom of choice is completely removed. My suggestion is that if you don't want answers that aren't what you want to hear, don't include the option of opinion, because you're gonna get ones you don't like.

  • For me, if i found out a guy i liked but didn't know too well had already slept with two women i knew, I'd be on guard. To me (without knowing why and his past etc) he would seem like a player and it would take me a while to trust him. I probably would date him, but i'd be more cautious in case i was being played.

    • I apparently do give off a player vibe which I don't personally understand but they were only the second and third women I've ever slept with and they both propositioned me. I just hope that she is willing to listen.

    • If a guy is genuine most girls will listen. Just show her that your a great guy and she'll believe you.

    • I hope so

  • It would bother me, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I probably wouldn't want you hanging around the two you slept with, that's fair enough. And I can tell before hand if a guy will be an asshat or a sweetheart so, if I had good impressions of you, then sure. :) Besides, you were single, it's not like you went out and cheated on a girlfriend or with someone on their partner so it's really not a big deal like some ladies here are making it out to be.

    • Thank you, I agree that it's not as big of a deal as they are making it especially because they seduced me. How many men do you know who would turn down an attractive woman trying to get in their pants when they're single? Probably not a ton.

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    • I'm an attractive guy, I get approached a lot relatively speaking. I've had sex with one girl in a serious relationship before this happened. So I'll let you decide if I'm easy to seduce lmao.

    • I say you're not. :)

  • I do believe you when you say you're not a cheater and i can tell that you're a nice guy. Also, three women isn't a lot. I've seen a lot worse lol! it would only be a massive deal breaker if i happened to be good friends with both of them. If that was the case, i definitely wouldn't look past it. However, if they were only aquaintances then I probably wouldn't care as much but i'd still be quite wary and cautious around you. If you really like this girl and she finds out, she's going to prejudge you instantly. If you really like her, you need to prove to her in some way that you're not actually like that. Yes, it will be hard work but if you want something you gotta work for it.

    • I don't think she's 'good friends' with either of them, but I guess it's not impossible. I don't know who she associates with outside of work.

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    • What if she's close with one of them?

    • Then you're doomed and you have a lot of grafting to do haha

  • Don't dip your pen in the company ink! Lol

    Honestly, no. Most likely I wouldn't. My main concerns are:
    -I'm not a fan of casual sex, so I'd prefer, strongly prefer, if my partner held himself to the same standard as me and didn't engage in it. It's almost a deal breaker, BUT I can look past it if he's incredibly amazing and other conditions are met.
    -Seeing as I'm not a fan of casual sex, if the guy is incredibly amazing, he'd have to meet these conditions as well. The more time the hookup has past, the more likely I'd believe his behavior has changed and he doesn't want just sex. Also, it helps if I don't know the girls he hooked up with. And helps even more if he doesn't talk to or interact with said other girls. So the more time, more than a year preferrably, the hookup has passed, and the less I know of the other girls and the less he interacts with other girls, the better his chances are. In your case, fuck. It'd most likely be a no.
    -If I consider the girls you fucked as friends, sorry but no. That's an automatic dealbreaker for me. No man will ever be worth it to jeapordize my friendship with a friend, male or female.
    -There was another reason but I forgot it.

    Just don't lie to the girl, I'd be even more pissed if he told me down the line, especially since I ask A LOT of questions before we even begin dating. So if he told me later, I'd consider him not trustworthy.
    I just don't want office drama with the other girls. Or if I become friends, or am friends with the girl, I don't wanna get their sloppy seconds.
    Also, there's a chance he might just be a player and trying to fuck every girl in my department. The better looking he is, the less likely I'd take him serious as relationship material if he told me he recently engaged in casual sex. Sorry, that's just how much of an insecure, judgmental petty person I am. But I have to lookout for me.

    So if I were that girl, nope. I'd stay away, you have danger written all over you. But I'm insecure and cautious.

    • I don't want to tell her down the line I want to let her know early on, if not before we date

    • Honesty is the best policy. But you better be one hell of a guy for her to be able to overlook this. Even if she does, it may still bother her. If it doesn't and she's willing to date you, marry her. Or go play the lottery to see if your luck continues.

  • No, that's a recipe for disaster and interoffice animosity. I'd rather stay friends with the people I'm depending on to help me make a living.

    • You wouldn't be able to work things out with your friends and date the guy at the same time?

    • I wouldn't *want* to! Who wants to know that much about a coworkers sexual habits? Not me that's for sure. And I'm not going to be the girl so and so left some for. Even if she didn't hate me her friends might.

  • I am a bi serial dater with much history.
    I date and have sex with women + men who are likewise.
    Care factor = never there :)

    I won't have sex with people I work with though
    ie: It ALWAYS ends badly.

    • Lmao I don't think she's quite like you but thanks

  • Not to be an ass but would you date a girl who slept with 2 if your co workers? Look im Not trying to give you any crap because you've had that already... plus your only human. Would definitely be awkward though haha.

    • It would be incredibly awkward but I could do it, I might have a hard time trusting her around them at first which is fair and I expect that reaction from her when I tell her.

  • I'm sorry, I wouldn't consider dating him at all. I would think he is just using me to add to his list of women he slept with. But I'm a very insecure person, so that might be why.

    • I'm not insecure and I'd think the same way. You're just cautious and there's nothing wrong with that :)

    • I didn't go after them, they seduced me. I don't get how that makes me the player trying to add notches to his belt. I've only slept with 3 people as of now, it's not a pattern.

  • No, you already have a history and that would ruin it for me, or any guy that slept around with their co-workers.

    • It's a rather short history honestly, 3 partners total isn't a lot

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    • Women like to compare notes. And what blondie said, so true!

    • Okay, I can get that women like to compare notes. But seriously, if they're making an active decision to talk about that then it's her own fault if she gets uncomfortable about it. That awkwardness is her own fault and I'm not responsible for it. Yeah, I understand why it would be awkward to have one of your friends talk about how good or bad your boyfriend is in bed, but they don't have to talk about it if they don't want to. It's pretty much a type of conversation that you have to want to have in order to even start it.

  • it would be ok for me , but i am a forgiver by nature , so i dont know

    • Okay as in you'd grudgingly look past it, or okay as in you'd not be bothered by it at all?

    • no i will be over it completely in the beginning , and then when i fall in love with you , i will hate them because they have kissed/touched you :D. Dont worry , just be honest , and you dont have to mention sex , maybe say me and bla and bla once date before , that's enough

    • lol it's nice that you have a sense of humor, thank you for your advice

  • This is a tough one. I would lean toward B and C. One person isn't all that big of a deal, depending on the circumstances. But 2 is a little worse. I guess I would feel like "another notch in the belt" you know?

    I usually don't condone people trying to be deceptive, but if you really like this girl and you truly do NOT have feelings for the other girls, then you're lucky the one girl will hopefully keep quiet about it. I think one girl can probably slide but 2 is really pushing it. I slept (kind of, we started then stopped because we decided it wasn't a good idea) with a co-worker and then ended up dating another one from the same job and kept worrying about him finding out about the other guy and dumping me for it.

    All I can say is, if she's a nice girl I really hope you truly like her, and don't try to sleep with her then end it. Then she would surely find out about the other two and feel like complete shit. Good luck and be careful

    • I have no intention of dumping her unless there are serious irreconcilable issues with the relationship

  • I probably would "Look past it," but Definitely would NOT wear my heart on my sleeve for you. I would keep it lite and simple, no sleeping with you, just keep our other business like this, at work as well.
    And if you would change your tune and find I was the one, for being thre juiciest apple a t the top of the tree to try and get you to grab me, Later bite me, I would Expect you to respect me, love me and No cheating, for if one screw up, my friend... it would Definitely end.
    For now, being you have this "Reputation" at work, Might I suggest that after 5... you look elsewhere when the door closes, no overtime here, dear.
    Good luck. xx

    • I'm no cheater, I know plenty of people who have been cheated on and I couldn't do that to someone.

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    • Okay, thank you

    • Oh, so welcome. xxoo

  • It's funny how no player ever thinks they are a player...

    • They seduced me, I didn't have any intention of trying to get in their pants before that.

    • Right... Look. Man or woman, the opposite gender constantly tries to "seduce" each other. It's our choice to decide what to do about it, and how we want people to see us and our actions.

      The reality is, most classy, put-together women want someone who knows what they want.

      So either they'll be cool with sleeping around (because they feel like experimenting at the time in their lives), but it will be a hook up and she probably won't be interested in dating you... Or, they are done with that and are ready to find somebody they love.

      If you are a guy that sleeps around, good luck getting with a woman for a actual/serious relationship immediately after you've boned two others.

      Not to mention the fact that they're her work buddies. That pretty much destroys your chances.

      Even with all of this, I may have said something different... if you didn't clearly come off as a player.

    • I'm you really aren't a player. I'm sorry. But you still, quite possibly, have absolutely no chance with her.

      You'd have to be really convincing at least, to even be consider after having sex with not one... but TWO of her co-workers. ... And it's highly unlikely that that wouldn't come up eventually.

  • I would probably assume I too am just a fling so I doubt I would want to date him.

    • I would tell her that I dont see her as a fling.

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    • and they would admit that because?

    • Well I'd hope they would be honest on their own, I don't think they'd both lie so I guess the fact that there's two of them actually benefits me here.

  • were they a one night thing or did you sleep with them multiple times?

    • Once with the younger one who I think she's closer to, twice with the older one

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    • Yes I'd want to know, I would be more likely to talk to the older one because we work together more but I'd keep it to a minimum. I'm hopefully gonna be the one to tell her, so she won't wonder how I know them.

    • ok good , if you like to know her history share yours... tell her about it... if she doesn't like it then you have to find a new girl, it s better than lying to her

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