Was I Being Fair (Please vote and elaborate with your own responses)?

Hello everyone, I especially want the input from adult guys on this question. I met someone who lives long-distance away on an online dating site. This guy is an educated professional in the science field, like me (he has a master's degree while I have a PhD). We BOTH work about 80 hrs per week or more.
The first day we talked, he was very enthusiastic to correspond with me. We emailed, texted, and had one phone call all in one day. He seemed very nervous on the phone though, and I felt nervous too.
We are both introverts, small talk isn't "our thing", so I didn't think anything of it. He ended the phone conversation first rather abruptly, but then proceeded to text me later in the night back and forth for about 30 minutes. Our texting went well, and I thought we had slightly more of an interesting texting experience than on the phone.
He asked me to send him more pictures of myself; I did, he said I was quote "very cute" and he "loved" my hairstyle. He then texted me throughout the day the next day with trivial statements that I responded to. Other than that though, he never initiated another text to me for the next 2 weeks (I did them all). When I would initiate, he would reply in a timely fashion but not really ask me follow-up questions or try to prolong the conversation. He also didn't try to call me again in the next two weeks bc he "was busy." But he would reply to any text I sent with a nice response (no one-world answers), just NEVER asked me any questions about me! I was extra cute & sent him light-hearted thinking of you texts on the weekend bc he was working overtime on Saturday. I made them especially cute. lol I get a text at midnight w/ him saying he just got home from work and was hoping we could talk, but was afraid I was sleeping (I was). Why did he not ask me earlier if I could stay up late to be able to talk w/ him? The next day, I say I'm free all day for a phone call. No response from him.30 hrs later, I text him that I think he's wasting my time.
  • The guy wasn't interested/invested in serious dating
    Vote A
  • The guy was very shy/clueless and I should give him another chance
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
It has been one week since I texted him that I think he's wasting my time. He hasn't responded to that. lol


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know babe, seems suspicious.

    I'd say he's not interested in you.


    Because he wasn't initiating the texts nor was he "prolonging" them. And I hate to break it to you, but no guy is THAT clueless when it comes to dating. I mean if a woman initiates a text with me, i KNOW she's interested (and trust me, i'm not the brightest in the bunch).

    Also, I'd suggest making the guy work for you. A little initiation here and there is okay, but you can't ALWAYS be initiating. It comes off as needy and desperate, and most men don't want either of those things.

    Also, don't EVER (and when I say ever, I really mean EVER) send a guy whom you aren't dating AND whom you aren't very close to, a "thinking of you," text. It's creepy and reaffirms the needy and desperate thing. Plus, if you're texting him, it's implied you're thinking of him.

    So. . . this one's a lost cause. No worries. The guy was a disingenuous flake. You got to learn a few things from the experience (like not overly initiating shit, etc.)

    So go out (or back online) and keep fishin'!


    • Thank you. I didn't actually use those words "thinking of you," but I just said I hope he "wasn't working too hard" etc during his shift. Oh well... disingenuous flake is right :(

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What Guys Said 3

  • I understand you have a PhD, but you didn't have to right a thesis here. Can you give me a Power Point and boil this down into 5 bullets or less then ask the question? In academia, papers and theses are nice, but, in the real world, we like executive summaries.

    • I'm sorry if your presbyopia makes reading the equivalent of a single 8x11 double-spaced page difficult.

    • Show All
    • Here is a bulleted version of your question:
      * A man I met via online dating and I are STEM professionals who work about 80 hours/week.
      * We are both introverts and were nervous in our first call.
      * After the call, he texted 30 minutes later and texting went well; he is interesting.
      * He requested additional pictures of me and gave me comments.
      * After being a bit responsive for 2 days, he hasn't been very responsive in the 2 weeks since; he never initiates texts and gives cursory replies.
      * I have tried to engage him with complimentary texts, but he gives one-word reply texts and expresses no interest in me.
      QUESTION: Am I wasting my time?

    • I hope you aren't wasting your time because I'll bet you are a good woman that he SHOULD be with.

      I am sorry if it seems that I got on your case, I wasn't, but I have to look at oceans of problem reports all day and, in my job, those of us who need to read these problem reports and take action just want to get to the point with essential details only because of time and urgency concerns. My coworker said last week "A [problem report] is not a chat room!"

  • You seem overly worried. You have a PhD (plus), and work a lot of hours (plus, shows stability).

    At your level of education you can meet many straight forward adult men (assuming your in a major city).

    TLDR: you did not need to be playing text games, if a guy is interested in you he will actively pursue you. At your age and level of education you can simply ask for a time, if none is given, move on.

    • I'm not in a big city, hence the need for being online.

    • lol i love how your "TLDR" is actually longer than the rest of your post = P

    • Haha, my TLDR, was longer. Way funny! Classic. Oops. Hmmm, well I still stand by statement about if interested he would actively pursue and that in my limited experience with highliy educated people they are more practical when it comes to dating soooo, ask and move on.

  • Maybe a little of both. Obviously he is shy like you said introvert. Maybe he's not sure if he's ready to date again

    • Then why is he on a dating site if not to date?

    • Well you know maybe he went through a rough time with an ex or divorce. He wants to get back out there but just is kinda leery

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think he's all that invested, I wouldn't waste your time


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