Used to date, now friends with benefits , is that doomed?

This guy and I dated for a few weeks. It seemed like we were really into each other... then we realized we had some major value/religious differences so we cut it off. Now we're friends with benefits . Is this doomed to fail? I can't tell if he's going to fall for me or me for him. I'm starting to get the feeling he's going to fall for me and me not for him... I rationally understand we could never be together, but does he?


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  • I think you answered your own question. YOU see this as a shorter term thing, while you fear he may become more attached. Your instincts are giving you pretty wise advice, which is to strongly consider whether what you two are doing is worth it in the long run.

    FWBs are great, but it can also keep you from meeting someone with similar values and beliefs. Wouldn't it be better to have a more complete relationship with someone like that where you can also enjoy great sex?

    I've been in your situation before, and it's easy to become addicted to the comfort level FWBs provide. The problem, in addition to what I said above, is usually there is one person wanting more than just being friends who have sex, while the other person is content with the status quo. It's just the longer this goes on, the harder it is to break it off with the other person if/when you meet someone you're seriously interested in pursuing a complete relationship with.

    • I guess it's just that I am still seeing other people on the side... and he's not. He even said that this kind of stuff can mess w/ his mind. I said it can mess with mine too, but... from when we first started dating I kind of didn't totally feel that connection. I was the one who kind of called things off with him... then he wanted friends with benefits . So I don't know. I'm just worried that he's going to waste a lot of time, but I actually really like him as a person! He's a really good/nice guy. I just... we couldn't be together. Our values are too different.

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    • I didn't either, but that made it all the more fun when I actually met someone I wanted to hang out with.

      Plus, you don't want to have watched every movie on Netflix before you get a new boyfriend, right? :-)

    • haha as if that is possible!! but sure.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Your intuition is correct. This is doomed to fail.

  • In my opinion? Yes. But other guys may disagree.

  • you kind of sound like you're falling for him. I can't think of why else you would post this. If you think he's really falling for you and you don't want to hurt him I suggest you tell him you can't be friends with benefits.

    • I care about him, for sure. Just the more I hear him talk, the more I realize that he doesn't try for relationships OR meeting people at all. I've dated 2-3 other people while he and I have been "fwb" and he hasn't done anything or tried to meet anyone. He said friends with benefits messes w/ his mind, but he also said he knows that he and I could never work... so it's like a mental block, sort of?

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    • Yeah. I actually care about him as a person, but I'm not sure what he thinks about me. He goes between flirting w/ me at meals.. like touching my hand or feet. Today, I dropped him off after a group of us got brunch and he totally looked like he was going to kiss me. I know he isn't into me? I think? I don't know. Ha. It's like half the time he's just trying to be my friends with benefits , but then sometimes there are these little times that come out where he's really sweet and couple-y.

    • Do what you think is best for yourself and for him.

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