Help! Can you start infatuate about someone you have never met or talked to? Only seen pictures of?

There is this guy I really like, my father friends son, he is in the senior year of the university im trying to enter, which is really extremely hard to succeed in, and i was bored one night and searched for him on facebook and found him, he is really really cute and nice/have good taste in everything and for a moment there, a really romantic projection of a relationship started flashing before my eyes lol. He is totally my type and im in agony right now, HE doesn't EVEN KNOW I EXIST (?). Just him existing makes me happy and all warm inside, it might be because im lonely and thirsty at this point (im 18 and never been in a relationship either so you know where this came from all of a sudden) and he is 23.

He probably have a girlfriend, the one with him in the pictures but idc honestly im so much cuter than her lmao.




Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, you absolutely can. The feelings a person gets at the beginning of a new relationship are called NRE - new relationship energy. It is caused by certain chemicals being released into the brain (which I could explain if you wanted, but is probably more detail than you need here). This NRE is what causes feeling like a crush, puppy love, infatuation... all those things are just varying degrees of NRE. People in the first two to three years of a relationship are feeling very strong NRE when they say they feel love for their partner. Love takes years to build properly. NRE's job is to make people feel attached while the love grows along slowly in the background.

    Now, this NRE is not too smart. It can fire off when you don't want it to. It can start firing off like you have a relationship with someone, if you have only just THOUGHT about a relationship. Or thought about the person in that kind of quasi-romantic way. Most of your Long-distance and online relationships are fuelled by this (which is why they usually end when the NRE wears off... it's almost impossible to actually build real love without any personal interaction).

    This is also how you get the phenomena of young girls falling in love with celebrities. They imagine themselves in a relationship with some pop star, their brain fires up the NRE because it's dumb and it thinks they are in a relationship now, and suddenly the girl finds herself falling totally 'in love' with the person, covering their walls with posters, dreaming about their marriage, doodling their name in their notebook surrounded with hearts... it's all because of these chemicals.

    And that's what has happened to you. Not to a pop star, in this case, but it's the same idea. And it can actually cause you physical pain to think about him not being with you. It is essentially a drug addiction - you are addicted to the chemicals released by your brain when you think about you two together.

    How you proceed is to realize what is happening.

    • Thank you so much for putting actual effort and writing all this and explaining it to me!

      I guess you're right, these chemicals really did kick in, I'm obssesed and constantly day-dreaming about this person.

      Sometimes I catch my self smiling just at the thought of him, which is psychotic as fuck, I have never experienced anything like this before.

      I really really really really really (really?) want to be with this person.
      But the odds is I will never. And I think its time for me to grow the fuck out of it, I guess I can't right now or probably dont want to? He makes me so happy (lol this is crazy).
      Hopefully soon enough.
      This is so painful lol.
      Thank you again!

    • You're very welcome.

      All of the things you describe here are totally common for this. Obsessed, day-dreaming, thinking about him and smiling, just the thought of him making you so happy... all of that is experienced by people going through this all the time. Thinking about him makes you high, essentially. And thinking about not being with him can make you feel like you are dealing with withdrawal symptoms. It can hurt. A lot.

      But yes, your only real option to move forward is to try and get over it. To understand that it's just your brain making him SEEM totally perfect for you. And to try and move the thoughts of him out of your head when they creep in there.

      Good luck, it is hard to do. But necessary.

Most Helpful Girl

  • First off, infatuation doesn't mean that you love someone, it means that you have a huge crush/obsession with a particular person. It is quite possible that you can be infatuated with someone just based on his/her pictures even if you have never met or talked to the person! Infatuation usually is a foolish passion with someone that is usually just a fling. So, yes, you can become infatuated with someone you have never even met and to whom that person is not aware of you existing. I don't think you can fall in love with someone you don't even know personally. Are you being immature? A little bit but not in a bad way! There is nothing wrong with you being infatuated! Grown women can become infatuated! You're not being delusional at all. How you go about this situation is to start a conversation with him then find out gradually if he has a girlfriend.

    • Thank you so much!
      But I dont think I could, Id be too shy to start a conversation also I dont want to seem too thristy and obvious. We dont have common friends nor a common social circle, the percantage of getting together or even meeting drops to zero lol. Fuck!
      But thank you, I hope Ill get over this soon, its tiring.

    • How would starting a casual conversation seem thirsty? Do you start conversations with dozens of guys each day? I mean, if it is rare for you to start a conversation with a guy, then that is not coming off as "thirsty" or as a call it "vulnerable". I mean, are your chances a little lower the fact that you have zero mutual friends with this guy? Yes but that does not necessarily mean that there is no hope between you two. It is not like you're asking to marry him, you are just simply going to start a conversation.

    • No I meant, I can't just add him on facebook like that when we have 0 mutual friends, and can't just start a conversation without asking for his number or without talking to him again etc..
      And it all sounds thristy to me, I don't know..
      If I start a conversation and sounds really interested in him, THEN its obvious that I look forward to something more such as going out.
      Do you feel me? Am I overthinking it?

      He has a girlfriend, thats the problem, that would be pointless in a way, and he will not pursue me back or show interest in me either.

      So whats the point lol?

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What Guys Said 1

  • you're just crushing hard, and never confuse being in love with infatuation, it causes a lot of heartache.

    • Yeah tbh, its a mess.

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    • "Hes yours" made my heart sink what the fuck!
      Thank you for your encouraging words!
      But I doubt lol.

    • The heart wants what the heart wants, dont fight it.

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